Porn Valley- Kendra Jade had just told her story Monday night about punching out former Vivid girl, Cassidy, over dog shit when Mary Carey made her appearance on KSEX's The Wanker Show.
At some point during the conversation, Wankus was going to ask Carey about her poop story. Carey supposedly had an argument with her boyfriend in Florida over a cell phone and crapped on his clothes.
"You going to talk about me having ADD? said Jade. "Welcome her [Carey] to the room." In introducing Carey, Wankus noted that Carey's now smokin' hot and no longer the object of the food tease which KSEX ran for weeks, basically, to taunt her.
Carey kept on the phone and explained she needed three because her boyfriend, or ex-boyfriend Harold, kept taking them. Carey was also hungry and said she needed some ice cream and Taco Bell. Carey claimed she didn't know about the KSEX food tease but heard something to that effect from a fan in Baltimore.
"You look really great- why do they [KSEX] keep saying about you with the food-thing?" Carey was told. "Wankus offers you food to come on the show." Carey admitted that while she's not eating as much, she's hungry and wanted some food.
Carey also admitted that at one point she began to look even more like Mariah Carey and started speed-rambling something about NBA players, a guy from Mad TV and Constantine from American Idol.
"I met him on the Mancow Show in Chicago," she said. "I gave him my number." Wankus then brought up the fact that Carey both shit and pee'd on Harold's clothes.
"I did both- let me explain how I did it," said Carey who said that she and Harold got back from a strip club where she was appearing at. While they started to fuck, Carey began muttering about how she missed Tawny Roberts.
"I miss my Tawny- he's, like, fuck you then!" Carey said. Besides, Harold, according to Carey was disrespecting her while she was on stage by talking to the regular strippers.
"You're not supposed to do that," Carey pouted. Wankus agreed to the unwritten strip club etiquette that says when you show up with the feature, you don't play around with the house girls. Carey said that when they got back to the hotel room, Harold took two of her three phones and left her there.
"What am I going to do? I'm stuck in the hotel room," says Carey who admitted that Harold would take her phones away because she'd use them to talk shit about him.
"He took my phones and I started freaking out," said Carey. "I know what I'll fucking do." Carey then lined up some shirts on the couch.
"I sat on the top of the couch and pee'd," she continued. "Then I gathered them in my arms and ran to the hotel lobby and told all the workers to take what you want. Then I threw some in the hallway and then I pooped in the toilet, took his shoes, shoved them in the poop and I then I put the shoes in the bath tub and ran water over them." According to Carey, the people in the hotel brought back some of Harold's clothes in a garbage bag.
Then Constantine called her for awhile, Carey said, but she blew him off because of Harold. Then she called Constantine out of the blue on Sunday and asked him if he wanted to hang out. Carey then started talking about "some dorky guy" who was all over her, was crazy and destroyed her place. Carey made it sound like she hung out with this guy instead of Constantine.
"I would have had a good story to sell."
Jade then talked about how Carey fucked some black guy over at her place.
"Do you think it's okay if this black guy comes over and fucks me for a couple of minutes and gives me some money and goes away?" Carey was supposed to have said. Jade told her it was fine and let Carey use her sister's room. Wankus roared because this was the same bed that Cassidy's dog just pee'd on. Carey then went back to the topic of Harold and Jade told her to get off it.
"I think I was a bad girlfriend," Carey admitted. Wankus then had to yell at both Carey and Jade for trying to outtalk one another. Carey went on to say how Harold got her kicked out of the Venetian the first night at AEE. Jade then wanted to hear from Carey why she thought Harold was a good boyfriend.
"I thought he was a good boyfriend because we had sex a lot for nine months- we had sex twice a day at least," said Carey.
"You're paid to have sex," Jade pointed out.
Carey also thought he was a good boyfriend because Harold drove her everywhere.
"I'm just a co-dependent person," Carey admitted. Wankus cut the argument finer by saying Harold was her bitch and Carey needed that.
"And he got along with others, unlike No-Neck your last asshole," Wankus added.
"But No-Neck really loved me," said Carey.
"He was good for you but horrible with everybody else which is not good," Wankus pointed out. Carey said No-Neck wanted her to get fatter and uglier, and Wankus claimed Tyler Faith was doing the same thing to him.
"Eat, eat- I want you fat."
Wankus asked Carey if there was truth to the rumor that she lost her weight on the speed diet. Carey said, no, but that she did quit birth control. According to Carey she might have done cocaine five or six times. Carey also mentioned that she's severely hyper and intended on seeing a psychiatrist again. Carey went one time forgetting the fact that she was paying by the hour and got hit with a $800 bill.
With Jade and Carey on the show, Wankus said he felt like he was watching an episode of The Cracked Out Gastineau Girls.
Carey kept bringing up Tawny Roberts' name and Wankus mentioned that they used to be an item.
"Before she turned into a crack head," added Jade. Carey said Roberts didn't do many drugs when they were together. Wankus wondered what happened with Roberts.
"She used to be one of the most gorgeous girls I ever saw in my life- now, I got to be honest with you. I think she looks pretty bad."
Jade thought Roberts' face looks like it's going to fall off and Wankus ascribed that to bad surgery.
"She did the whole Devon from Digital Playground, let me have that duckbill look."
Carey said Roberts' heart was broken by a guy named Rich and remembered that she and Roberts never talked.
"She used to walk by me at conventions- she didn't know who I was- and she ignored me." Carey remembered getting on a plane last February to Texas on the same flight Roberts was on.
"I'm walking on the plane and she's, like, Mary?" Carey sat down and they became friends.
"We started hanging out non-stop and we were together 24 hours a day," said Carey who did burritos every night with Roberts only to see her throw up in the sink.
"I'm wondering how come my friends aren't gaining any weight?" Carey suspected that even some of her friends were trying to get her fat.
"I realize I don't have a lot of true friends," Carey added. "That's what made me hang on to Harold for so long. You're going to cling to someone who you think is your friend." Carey said she goes one day thinking she wants to be a porn star and others where she thinks she'd be better off living a normal life with kids.
"This isn't normal- I should move to Indiana and have a family."
Carey began to mope, pining for a boy friend.
"But they have to have a lot of money so they could pay for me," she stipulated. Wankus suggested just find a guy who can pay his own way and start with that. Carey also said her problem is the fact that she's a very jealous girl friend.
"I think it's because I know when I'm away from guys I tend to cheat." Carey also admitted that she cheated once on Harold. Wankus advised her to fess up that it was probably more than once.
"He only knows about once but you cheated on him more than once- I know you did."
Carey had nothing to say to that.
"But he deserved the cheating," Carey then rationalized, while repeating some of the things she claimed Harold told her: "You're just a slut- none of my friends respect me for being with you. All you are is a fucking porn star. No one gives a fuck about you. Go ahead and live your lonely life. Without me you're going to die." Carey suspected it was Harold's insecurities talking.
"He met me in July before I got my teeth done," she said. "I had different extensions and I was 20 pounds heavier. We would hang out non-stop." Besides all of that, Carey said she was still a confident girl but Harold started to break her down and would tell her that lowly strippers in a club looked better than she. Carey suspects she did the right thing by leaving him.
"I want a boyfriend!" Carey yelled again. Jade then said something about her and Carey getting married.
"We're in love," said Jade's rationalizing that decision. Carey explained that she and Jade used to hang out but that Tawny Roberts got jealous of Kendra. Carey then told some rumpled story about how she and Jade were trying to get away from Roberts who was wearing a sailor outfit and bleeding from the head.
Finally Wankus got on the phone with Harold while Jade was chiding Carey for moping about Harold and saying how she couldn't live without him.
Wankus told Harold it was fun partying with him in Miami while Carey yelled out that she loved him. Wankus asked harold what the story was.
"A relationship with Mary Carey is impossible that's all I got to say," said Harold. Carey asked why is that.
"She doesn't know how to treat someone right and with respect," Harold answered. Asked if it was true that he was flirting with house girls as Carey said he did, Harold replied, "I don't flirt- they come up to me and ask me basic questions that they would ask anyone else- are you a porn star? What is it like dating a porn star?" Asked if he loved her, Harold said, of course, there was no doubt about that.
"She had a chance," he said. Carey asked Harold why he didn't return her calls.
"I was pretty busy, actually," he answered. Carey asked him if he was fucking another girl and mentioned that he got some girl's number the other night behind her back.
"She isn't that cute."
As Harold hung up, Carey started boo-hooing again that nobody loves her: "I'm going to die alone."
But two seconds later, Carey didn't sound too concerned about it.