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Real fake Brady Bunch porn

--on the web

[Blast Magazine]- A story hit the wire a few weeks ago about a lesbian sex shocker between Marsha and Jan Brady, and all of a sudden there’s a ton of attention to a Hustler Video production that just came out called Not The Bradys XXX, which has jumped to #1 on the adult video rankings.

“We knew it would be a big hit, but we never knew it would catch on the way it did,” said Jeff Mullen, the film’s producer, in an interview October 31.

Even some of the original cast are sounding off.

“It’s the sincerest form of flattery,” said Christopher Knight, who plays the original Peter Brady. “I’m just surprised it wasn’t done earlier.”

Not the Bradys is a porn spoof of the original television show, with a perfectly designed set to match. Even the plot is a perfect Brady story.

When Mike’s business at the architectural firm gets slow, the family goes on a budget, and the kids take odd jobs to help save their house from foreclosure. Marcia unwittingly applies for a job as a “figure model” at a perfectly stereotyped porno establishment. Then it starts to get a little blurry…

“We’re trying to give a little fun in porn — everyone’s so serious” Mullen said. “The Brady movie is appealing to people who would never go out and buy another hardcore movie. Guys can watch this with their girlfriends.”

This is a hardcore porn film. Let’s get that out of the way right now. This isn’t (just) a funny spoof or a Cinemax PG-13 special. This is a movie you’ll find in the back room of your local video store if it’s still in business.

Directed by Will Ryder, Not The Bradys XXX features Hillary Scott and Aurora Snow as Marcia and Jan Brady, 10-year porn veteran Alana Evans as the hilarious maternal Carol Brady and Lynn Lemay as maid Alice.

Now stop for a second. Why am I elaborating here? Why not say “This porno stars a bunch of hot blonds and four anonymous enough looking guys.”

Hillary Scott, 24, is the porn equivalent to Brittney Spears circa 2000. (In fact, she plays Brittney in a spoof called Brittney Rears but that’s not relevant here). She announced in April that she had just signed the largest contract in adult movie history — a four-year, $1 million deal. She is the 2007 AVN Female Performer of the Year. That’s the equivalent to her being an Oscar-winning actress in the adult world.

“Hilary Scott is the new superstar of the industry,” Mullen said.

Aurora Snow, (pseudonym) 25, majors in theater at the University of California Irvine and appeared in a cameo role in the movie Superbad recently. She is the 2003 AVN Female Performer of the Year.

Lynn Lemay, 45, does not have sex in the movie, but she aptly portrays Alice the maid. In fact, the acting in this movie is pretty damn good all around, if you stop and pay attention to it.

Lemay is the Glenn Close of starlets. She is a 2006 inductee to the AVN Hall-of-Fame, having appeared in over 200 films — Scott is already over 300 by the way.

The film also stars the legendary Ron Jeremy in the non-sexual role of Sam the butcher, though sexual jokes about him “slipping meat” to Alice are ever-present and provide some comic relief. (IMDB sys Jeremy and Lemay have appeared in over a dozen porn movies together)

“You have three hall-of-famers in Mike Horner, Ron Jeremy, and Lynn Lemay,” Mullen said. “It’s a real interesting cast.”

Mullen said a sequel is in the works as well as several other celebrity spoofs, including a hilarious Beyonce movie and a Jennifer Lopez parody called J-Ho, where a terrorism leader said he will renounce terror if the superstar performs a live concert in Iraq. The dialog scenes were shot in front of the White House.

Another interesting note is that the Not The Bradys XXX DVD contains more special features than most Hollywood films. There are six behind the scenes segments, interviews, trailers, crew commentary and more content to keep you occupied.

So there you have it. I humbly submit this piece of my resume to The New York Times.

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