[From www.marksfriggin.com]- Howard started off the show talking about this chick that they have coming in today. She used to be Miss USA and she became a porn star. Her name is Kelli McCarty. Howard said he’s surprised they haven’t heard more about her. He said he was listening to some of her porn. Robin asked how she is. Howard said he’s not sure, he has to listen to the whole clip. He said that she’s finally a Miss USA who has gone out and done something.

Howard had some clips of this girl when she was Miss USA. She won back in 1991. Howard played a clip of her talking to Dick Clark back in 1991 when she was in the pageant when she was Miss Kansas. Howard said that Dick Clark might be being punished for doing that awful stuff in his career. He said that it seemed like he was confused about her talking about getting her pilots license when he was talking to her in that clip.

Howard said that Dick Clark might be the one who should have gone into porn after hearing that clip. She was very reasonable talking about golfing and flying and Dick was confused about it. Howard goofed on Dick about that stuff for a short time and said that he’s the best.

Howard replayed the clip to hear Dick getting confused about the pilot’s license ”sort of thing” that he asked Kelli about.

Howard played some audio of Kelli being questioned by the judges at the Miss USA pageant. She was asked about it being a ”man’s world” and what she thinks about that. Kelli gave an answer that Howard didn’t think answered that question so he cut that off and explained what the question was supposed to be about. Howard played some more of her clips after that.

Howard had some audio from Kelli’s movies. He had one from the movie ”Faithless” where she was getting nailed. He started to play it and noticed that she was doing that sucking in of air that Amy Fisher was doing in her porn movie. Howard said that it’s very annoying and he’s not sure if he does that when he’s having sex. Howard said that it might be the porn stars trying to suck their souls back in.

Howard played another clip where Kelli was having ”rape type sex” in that same ”Faithless” movie. Howard said that JD wrote that so he’s assuming that JD meant that they were playing around with a rape scene or something. In that clip Kelli was screaming as she was getting smacked around a little bit.

Howard said he could imagine Robin getting knocked around like that. He guessed that Kelli was going to end up liking getting banged in that scene. He asked JD to come in and describe what was going on there. JD said that it was a whole thing with the plot. JD said that she was angry with the guy because there’s a woman who knocks on the door and interrupts them. She gets mad at the guy and she doesn’t want to have sex so the guy has to slap her around and sticks his dick right in her face.

Howard asked JD if the chick is hot in the movie. JD said he thought she was. He said that her body has held up.

Howard had another clip from ”Faithless” where she was doing some straight acting. JD said that they have a whole love triangle in the movie so that’s what the scene was about. Robin was laughing while the clip was playing. So was Artie. Robin thought that she answered the questions better in the Miss USA pageant. Howard said he thought that she was better in the porno. She sounded more natural in the porn movie.

Howard said that they may have gotten her into the porn by telling her that it was actually a straight acting role. He said they’ll ask her about that when she comes in later. He played a song parody of ”Lay Your Head On My Penis” after that…..

…..After the break we heard a prank call that the guys made to a toy store using clips of JD doing some phone sex stuff. Howard came back and said that he had Kelli McCarty coming in. She was Miss USA back in 1991. Howard said that it was nice seeing her and said that her breasts are real. He said that was nice.

Howard asked Kelli about working as an actress on a soap for 7 years. That was ”Passions” which was on NBC but got canned. Kelli said that she was also on 90210 back then. Howard asked what she did in that show. She was a morgue owner in one episode. Kelli said she was on Melrose Place too. She was Amanda’s secretary a couple of times. Kelli said that she auditioned for ”Son of the Beach” but didn’t get the part of BJ.

Howard said they were listening to her tapes from 1991 and she was so wholesome back then. She said she as straight out of Kansas back then. She won $250,000 in cash and prizes for that win. Kelli said she gave her boat to her dad and she won a car too. Kelli said that she was packed up the next day and moved out to L.A.

Kelli said that it was a real job and she was out on tour doing a USO thing and some charity visits and stuff like that. She said that there weren’t a lot of parties going on because they keep you so sheltered. Howard asked who started calling her. She said that Jerry Seinfeld started calling her back then. That was before he was married. Howard asked if Seinfeld was on the air back then. She said that it was but she hadn’t even seen it.

Howard asked Kelli about how the Seinfeld thing worked. She said that Seinfeld asked her out but she didn’t know who he was at the time. She said that she did go out with him a couple of times. It wasn’t that much fun though. She said that Jerry didn’t get to bang her. Kelli said that Jerry was nice but kind of boring.

Howard asked Kelli if she was always sexual when she was growing up. She said that she always had a boyfriend. She said that she wasn’t a virgin in the pageant either. She said that you won’t find one virgin in that pageant.

Howard asked what was up with Seinfeld and how they broke that off. Kelli said that Jerry was mad because she wouldn’t have him up to her place. She had a house mother so she wasn’t allowed to bring him up. She said that they did kiss but that was about it.

Artie said that it’s great when you hear about a hot chick dating a famous guy and not banging him. Kelli said that he probably doesn’t even remember it. Howard said that David Spade and Pauly Shore must have called her too. She said that Pauly did call. She said that he was actually calling her parent’s house. He was chatting up her sister and she was only a freshman in high school at the time.

Howard asked about David Spade too. She said that she ran into him at a place where she was getting a facial. Spade came in after her to get a facial. Howard asked if she banged Spade. She said that she did. Kelli said that he used a condom too. Howard said that he apparently didn’t with Jillian Grace since she got knocked up.

Howard asked Kelli why she broke up with Spade. She said that they just dated a little while. She said that he had a big schlong too and Howard must have known that. Howard said he had no idea that he had a big one. She said she thought that it was a known thing. Howard said that Spade does get around.

Kelli dated Charles Barkley too. Howard asked her about that and then asked her about the porn thing. Kelli was married for a little while and then she got into the porn business. Kelli said that she woke up one morning and just wanted to see what it would be like being a porn star. She said she’s not a big porn watcher but she started to do some research to see who she could work with. She picked Vivid based on the way they shot their movies.

Howard asked Kelli about her husband and found out that they were married for 8 years. Kelli said that they just grew apart but they’re still friends now.

Howard asked Kelli how many chicks she’s hooked up with in her life. She said it was about 3 and she started in her mid-20s. Howard asked her about this porno she made. It’s the only one she’s made. She said that she may make more.

Kelli said that she would have changed some of the lighting in the movie if she could have. She said that it is porn though so they shoot it fast. Howard asked if she keeps hair down there or shaves down completely. Kelli said that she keeps a little down there since the totally shaved thing is kind of out right now.

Howard asked Kelli if her boobs are getting saggy. Kelli said that she takes really good care of them and doesn’t run. She said that running can make them sag. Kelli said that she does Yoga to stay in shape. She said that she is drenched in sweat after the class. She said that holding the poses can really give you a good work out.

Howard said that she’s a natural D-cup but she doesn’t appear to be chubby. Howard said that he was shocked. She said that it’s Yoga that keeps her in shape.

Howard said that Kelli is in this movie ”Faithless” now. He asked what her parents thought about all of this. She said that her mother backed her up in it and told her to do it if it was going to make her happy.

Howard asked about the rape scene in the movie that they played earlier. Kelli said that it wasn’t really a rape scene but it was kind of crazy. Howard said he wants to see some of this movie. He’s only heard it so far. You can find out more at KelliUSA.com or Vivid.com.

After that Steve the Intern came in and went off on Kelli about doing this porn after being Miss USA. He said that being Miss USA is a title that she should carry and be proud of instead of doing this stuff. Howard said that the whole Miss USA thing is a joke to him. Kelli said that she wasn’t making a joke of it now but the great thing about this country is that she can do that and then go out and do porn.

Steve was flipping out on this poor girl over something ridiculous. He told her that she should lead by example and not be doing porn like this. Howard asked if she gets a lot of reaction like this. Kelli said that lately she has been getting a lot of this. Steve said that it’s disappointing to him.

Steve said that this should mean something to be crowned with this title. Mariann from Brooklyn called in and said that Steve is out of his mind and he has to wake up. She told him that every politician out there is getting something from a whore. Steve said that they’re not doing it on film though.

Howard told Steve that this title is bullshit. Mariann said that every title is bullshit. Howard said that they take girls and put them on TV and make a ton of money based on them being dressed in bathing suits. Kelli went out and made some money doing porn and they shouldn’t have anything against that. Steve said that he thinks that she should still be living up to the Miss USA title.

Howard asked Kelli if she would be invited back to do any stuff with the Miss USA thing. She said that Donald Trump owns it now but he won’t have her back on. She said that she wouldn’t go with Trump to Palm Beach when he asked and she thinks that’s the reason for that.

A caller said that Seinfeld did an episode based on this girl. He said that they had an episode where Seinfeld dated a Miss USA type of girl and tried to bang her in the episode.

Another caller asked when she started doing anal. Kelli said that she doesn’t do anal and she prefers not to do it. She said that she has tried it but she’s not into it. The caller also asked what kind of panties she was wearing. She said that she was wearing ”hankie pankies” but wouldn’t show the guys what they looked like. She said that they can see it in her movie.

Howard said that he heard that Scott DePace doesn’t believe that her boobs are real. She said that he can give her a hug to find out if they’re real. Scott said that he didn’t want to feel them, he just wants to see them. Scott said that they are gorgeous. Scott said that if he had to hug her he would do that. Scott took the hug and said that they felt real to him.

Benjy said that he could show that she’s had plastic surgery on her breasts. Benjy went over and asked her to lay down. She said that she would tell them if she had surgery. Benjy said that he could press on her and show that there’s an implant. He uses his elbow to demonstrate. Kelli said that he was hurting her doing it. Benjy was trying to show that there was an implant there but all he really wanted to do was elbow her boob. Scott said that he thought they were real.

Howard took some more calls and gave Kelli some more plugs for the web sites and stuff. He asked her if she would ride the Sybian. She said that wasn’t her thing. She was asked if she swallows. Kelli said that she does. She said that she didn’t blow Spade and he was all about the sex at the time. Howard wondered what that’s all about.

Howard asked Kelli if she’s into the blow job thing. She said that she doesn’t mind it but she wants to just get into the sex thing so she’s not into a lot of foreplay. The caller asked if she would go out with Artie. Howard said that Artie has it all going on so of course she would go out with him.

Kelli said that she would go out with Artie. She said she would go out and have drinks if he wanted. Howard said that he likes her and that she just wants the penis inside of her. Kelli said that she likes to last a while during sex though. She said that she didn’t have any orgasms in the movie she did though.

Howard had audio clips of Ed Torian asking her if she has ever had a big cock in her ass and stuff like that. Kelli didn’t know that it was just audio clips being played. Ed asked her if she would ever drown a kitten. She said that she’s a huge animal activist. She didn’t know what this guy was doing.

Howard took a call from a guy who said that Kelli was actually his swimming instructor out in Kansas. Kelli said that she was an instructor out there because her mother owned a swimming school. The guy said he was only 3 or 4 at the time. He said that his dad told him that the dads never hesitated to go pick up their kids from her because of what she looked like.

Yucko the Clown called in and said that they should throw the Sybian at her head if she’s not going to ride the damn thing. Yucko yelled that he hates his fuckin life and she has to get on that fuckin Sybian. Artie said that this poor guy had his wife leave him and his house burned down.

Howard wrapped up with Kelli after that and gave her some more plugs for the web sites KelliUSA.com and Vivid.com. He went to break a short time later.