Porn Valley- The doctor, Brett Rockman, was in the house Thursday night, if you were listening to the Alana and Chris Evans Show on KSEX. “Wait till you see these two together,” said Chris Evans. “They’re like little kids.”
Except the house was full of gossip and it took the doctor a long time before he got to make an actual appearance.If you’ve been following the show’s storyline, Alana keeps a cocks-that-rock scoreboard- guys she’s fucked and guys she wants to fuck. “There’s been much controversy that surrounds cocks that rock,” Alana conceded.
It was reported that Alana had some down time because she had her butthole reamed by Jay Ashley. “By the way dude,” Chris said, addressing Ashley, “I was going to do anal at home the other night and discovered that my chick’s ass was ripped. Next time don’t fuckin’ break my toy.” Alana said that Chris was number one on her scoreboard as much for the fact that he’s been fucking so much hole and dropping so many loads. “You are by far the top dick. Not only are you rockin’ my ass at home, fucking the shit out of me, you’re bring home money, too.” Chris said he has to do six jobs to equal one of Alana’s.
Alana talked about a new guy, Mark Ashley. “I think he’s been in the business about a year or two. A HUGE dick. He totally scared the shit out of me. He was part of the tag team that reamed me [last] Friday. But his dick is perfect. It fit right in.” Chris said he doesn’t know the dude and he’s already on the top cock list. “He fucked my ass soooo good,” Alana said. Chris said he’s going to have to review the scene when it comes out.
Alana said Jay Ashley talking through the scene kind of killed it. Chris reported that with all the new cock in Alana’s life, Kurt Lockwood has now dropped to fourth place on Alana’s scoreboard. Chris noted that with Alana, it’s a matter of out of hole, out of mind, that Alana hasn’t worked with Lockwood in a while. “If the dick ain’t in the hole, you don’t remember.”
On the Jay Ashley subject, Alana advised that men with smaller dicks should not be allowed to do anal. “They have angry dicks. And when you pair them up with men who are monsters, they feel the only way they can compete is to stab the beast. His little penis did more damage than a cock three times his size.” Chris said that’s an angry ferret.
Chris noted that they didn’t have a show last Thursday because they had a trip to the desert- Pahrump, Nevada. “We were taking a dump in Pahrump,” said Alana. Chris said they were with a bunch of friends from Wicked Pictures. “Devinn Lane, thank you very much for taking us. It was Alana and I, Voodoo and Nicole [Sheridan], Evan Stone and this hot blond chick Ashley Long. There was sex in the sand dunes. Sex in hot springs.” Alana said there was four naked girls with titties flying everywhere.”
Chris said it was true that there were porn chicks riding around on ATV’s in the desert with no clothes on. “There were these teenage dudes out there on their bikes and then they see some topless chicks in the sand dunes…the dudes were doing wheelies all across the lake bed.” Alana mentioned that Evan Stone flipped over at least three times. “The dude is a wild animal,” Chris added. “He’ll ride the bike, he crashes, he fucks four chicks a day. He eats three steaks. The guy’s a fuckin’ animal. He doesn’t care. He does whatever the fuck he wants.”
Alana said Stone’s first crash was actually pretty bad. “One of the motocross dudes actually went and helped him. Evans, like, come on over. Pretty soon he’s out there posing with the dude, taking pictures. Devinn’s with her boobies out.” Chris reported that Stone and Ashley Long did a scene in the sand dunes. “If there was ever going to be an award for cinematography that scene would get it.” Chris said that he, Alana and Devinn Lane also did a scene by the fire. “We were racing the sun.”
The scene was done with condoms and Chris said for him that’s like wearing socks in the shower. “I’m into safe sex, no doubt, it’s just that it makes it hard on the scene.” Chris said the title of the movie is Road Tricks. “We did all kinds of things in the sand dunes then they took us to Sherry’s Ranch, this brothel where we did some scenes in some cool theme rooms. We got to hang out with some happy hookers.”
Chris said it’s hilarious how they have credit card machines in their rooms. Alana thought that Chris, Evan and Voodoo were probably the hottest men they had seen in ages. Chris noted that while prostitutes and porn stars both have sex for money, prostitutes have an attitude towards porn stars, that they’re better than porn stars because they make more money. On the other hand Alana feels that porn stars are better. “We’re not fucking random dudes. Our money is guaranteed. And it’s legal almost everywhere.” Alana also threw a dig into the attitude among hookers that anal sex causes AIDs.
“I’m in a whore house and it’s making my dick shrivel,” Chris said. “Something’s wrong here. I thought it was funny because one of those hookers said she made thirty grand a month. I was like, that must be your Ferrari in the parking lot.” Chris did say that the girls and management at Sherry’s were very nice. “It was nice to be accepted as porn people. We can help mediate the differences between our two occupations.”
What Alana liked was they way they hung out to watch them shoot the scenes. It was noted that hookers, when sober, toe the party line, but get a little liquor in them, they’re inviting sex over a trash can.
On another note, Alana reported that a certain male European porn star decided to work with some nasty stuff around the head of his dick. “An active herpes breakout,” Chris added for emphasis. “These two girls started blowing him,” Alana continued. “He’s not circumcised. So when they pulled the foreskin down, all they saw was herpes blisters. All over the head of his dick. The girls, naturally, freaked out, what’s going on. We’re not going to do this.” Alana said the guy got pissed off at the girls and told them that’s how they do it in Europe. “Just suck it and let’s go.”
When the girls reneged, the guy walked off the set and went to another one and worked with two more girls, according to Alana. As for himself, Chris said in the four years he’s been in the business he’s had about seven shots in the ass for gonorrhea and chlamydia. “And various other presents I got from going to work.” Chris said while it’s acknowledged that you’re exposed to many things like that, when there’s a herpes breakout you stay home. “We all know that a lot of people probably have that shit but you’re not going to know because they don’t tell you and you never see it if they’re smart. How is it okay in Europe? Do they really have sex with open sores?” Alana said if that’s the case she doesn’t want any Europeans. “let them stay there.”
In other gossip, Alana said Tony Sexton’s in her doghouse. “He needs to leave me the uck alone,” she said. “This guy calls me twice a day. Motherfucker, you’re calling me twice a day and I haven’t called you back yet? That should tell you something.”
Rockman finally got on and Alana was hoping she’d get to fuck him. Chris wasn’t so sure about that hearing that Rockman’s pretty particular. “He’s totally top talent now.”
Alana observed that Rockman’s come a long way since their first scene together which was a blow job. Though they’ve never fucked [which was about to change on air], Rockman said it was probably within his first 50 scenes in the business. Rockman said he’s going to have his website, www.brettrockman.com up within the next three or four weeks. Alana brought up the Brett Rockman M.D.-thing. Rockman said it was based on a movie by Tom Zupko when he was directing for Extreme. “It’s about this psycho doctor.”
Rockman says Zupko begged him for two or three months to do the project and let him use Rockman’s name in the movie. “I didn’t want it,” Rockman says. “He got through. He convinced me as he does everyone. I let him do it and this movie went through.” Rockman, who went on to say that he loves Zupko, also said that he’s “allegedly” a real doctor.
Chris said he was kind of mad at Rockman. “I showed up to do a scene and there were two girls there. This one girl had some issues so Brett and I switched girls. Okay, Brett you can fuck the redhead and I’ll fuck the dark haired girl, whatever. Brett does his scene and his chick turns out to be this homegrown redhead who gave it all up. They were having a really good time.” Then Chris said he got his girl who was from hell. “This chick- I think I told you about Capri- she was sucking my dick and making cross eyes at me. And when I was fucking her, she took her wig off. It was horrible. Basically I’d like to thank Brett for giving me the worst chick ever that I’ve worked with.”
As Rockman and Alana rutted, Chris pretty much observed that the show had deteriorated and intellectual conversation had pretty much gone by the boards.