Ohio- Having grown weary of beating up on homos, Ohio’s favorite conservatives are turning to one of the final frontiers of depravity: pay-per-view porn in hotels.

Citizens for Community Values, the Cincinnati group with a really weird sexual obsession, is launching a jihad to make Quick n’ Nasty — volumes one through seven — unavailable to lonely businessmen. The group, along with 11 other organizations specializing in curbing freedom, took out ads in USA Today calling on the Justice Department to prosecute porn dealers for interstate commerce of obscene materials.

It wants the feds to light up two Colorado companies, OnCommand and LodgeNet, for distributing porn to hotels nationwide, arguing that it’s easily accessible to children.

Community Values President Phil Burress [pictured] asserts that kids age 12 to 17 are the porn industry’s biggest customers, and that 95 percent of 9-year-olds have already seen Weapons of Ass Destruction, thanks in part to hotels.

Punch thinks he got his stats from Channel 19.

Burress also says that grown men who watch porn are more likely to harm women and children. “Every cop that searches a sexual predator’s home finds a stash of this stuff,” Burress says.

Mind you, he doesn’t care if grown men watch porn in the privacy of their hotel rooms. “We’re not saying people shouldn’t be able to buy porn,” Burress says. “We’re just saying that it’s illegal to sell it.”

That unique hair-splitting may be due to the fact that porn is usually available only at luxury hotels, which tend to be frequented by businessmen, who tend to be conservative, which means they may well be the very people funding Burress’ organization. And as any smart activist knows, it’s never wise to call for the prosecution of your donors.

“In Cincinnati, pornography is not sold, because the law is being enforced by our county prosecutor,” he says. “But in Cleveland, you’ve got those stores all over the place. That’s because your prosecutor is not doing his job.”