Porn Valley- I meet the adorable, dimpled darling Claire Robbins on the set of Mitch Spinelli’s Jam It Up My Ass 2. I learn two quick things about her- Robbins likes guys with British accents and men who love anal sex.

Robbins, who hails from Portland Oregon, is repped by Mark Spiegler. “The patron of the tarts,” Robbins laughs. And Robbins laughs a lot- like a bad kid who’s just been sent to the principal’s office. With her look of truly feigned innocence, I suspect that Robbins is being told by everybody that she shouldn’t be in porn. She says this is true. “I hear that everywhere I go,” she says. “But I think that’s why people like me.”

Robbins started backed in April and she readily admits she’s the most unlikely porn girl you’ll ever trip across.

“I just woke up one day in Portland Oregon and thought to myself doing porn would be fun. And it was really weird and offhand because I didn’t know anybody who stripped; I didn’t know anybody in Portland who had done pornography. The closest I had come to seeing porn in my life was a super-duper softcore stuff like Suicide Girls. As it so happened one of the girls on Suicide Girls I kind of sort of knew. I started talking to her. I don’t do porn- how do I get my foot in? She told me on this web page they have castings from companies that will fly you out places. I started e-mailing one of the companies which happens to be Icy Porn. I ended up flying out to Florida to do the shoddiest Internet scene ever. I don’t even want to watch it now.”

Robbins again breaks into spasms of laughter at this idea.

Asked what was so shoddy about it, Robbins says she had no idea what she was doing at all. “And they don’t tell you what to do because they kind of want that effect of a random normal girl who’s just so much of a slut that she’ll do it on camera. That’s their intention and that’s exactly what they got. I gave them what they wanted but it looks so bad. My face is against the camera the whole time. There’s moments when I’m making funny little faces.”

Robbins, however, did an anal scene. “I’ve done anal for at least a year now,” she says. “I was used to it.” Robbins met this “fellow” under what she thought was a fuck-buddy pretense. “He just really didn’t want to have anything to do with even being friends, in all honesty.” I ask Robbins if this guy got subsequent psychiatric evaluation.

“Oh God I hope he does,” she says. “He’s a funny man. We just started fucking basically every day. I think there’s something in the tap water in Portland where people are total sluts but they have the biggest fear of commitment ever. We have more strip clubs per capita than any other place in the world. It’s like some weird repressed thing, growing up with such innocence. So me and this guy are basically fucking every day. Sometimes more than once a day. As it turns out, we end up liking each other. Which is the furthest thing we ever wanted. So then we started a kind of “dating”. But I got this weird thing that he really, really wanted anal sex. And I had never done this before and it had never even crossed my mind. But since I was so oddly swept away by this weird little man, I was completely willing to cringe and bear it for the first few times. After two or three times I absolutely loved it.”

Robbins met the guy on a bus. “It’s completely weird in Portland,” she says. “Everything’s completely backward. Everybody rides bikes and takes the bus. If you did it any other way you’re kind of frowned upon.” Robbins grew up downtown, she explains..

“Nobody has cars,” she says. “Nobody drives anywhere.” Speaking of weird little man, I ask Robbins how she met The Shylock. She wants to inscribe this question in precious metal by the ring of her laughter.

“I was with my previous agency and I was really unhappy with the way things were going,” she says. “I was basically on the verge of going back to Portland but these two girls that were also with my agent at the time were, like, we’re going to meet up with this agent, Mark Spiegler. I didn’t even know who the guy was. I was in the business two or three weeks. I had no idea who anybody was. I didn’t know who any of his girls were or anything like that. I was kind of, whatever. He’s not going to chase me but I don’t care. I’m just going back home. So I went over there and we bullshitted. We talked about funny little stories. As it happened, I was the only girl he took of the little crew because I thought he was going to be, whatever, go.”

Robbins says teens in Portland will do one of two things- take drugs or fuck. Sometimes both. “I basically went with the whole drug thing for the moment and realized it was really, really boring and then went with the whole fucking part,” she says.

“Drugs didn’t really interest me all that much. In the long run you may have a few funny stories but you also have a lot of really bad stories.” Asked if she had any of those, Robbins wasn’t scared away from drugs as much as she got over them and looked at her friends who were still doing them.

Wow, you guys are very boring creatures.” Robbins was, according to her, the most quiet, sweetest little girl ever. “I had natural super blond hair. I was very quiet and definitely am a free spirit. I never did anything that I should have done. I dressed myself all the time- like God bless hippie parents. They let their children dress themselves when they’re three which is really a very bad idea.” Robbins has to stop and crack up again.

“I would wear those snow boots with some tights and like maybe a pair of shorts over that and a weird vest-thing. It was most bizarre.”

Robbins thinks she was just ahead of time being so avant-garde without knowing it.

“I as haute-couture and didn’t even know it.” Robbins is 16 the first time she had sex and heard all the stories about the first time being horrible. She didn’t think so. She had crush on a 17 year-old guy that worked at a coffee shop that all her friends went to.

“He was so cute,” she remembers. “He looked like Eminem when he first came up with the short bleach-blond hair and the little baby face. I was so enamored with this boy. To make a long story short I took him home when my parents were at work and screwed the shit out of him and never talked to him again. It’s this thing- as soon as you get me undressed it’s just a whole different person. It’s the sweet, quiet girl who are the ones you always have to worry about.”I tell Robbins she has crazy eyes, and she’s heard this comment another time from makeup artists. “I’ve been told that it’s hard to make me look innocent because I have crazy, bedroom eyes,” she says. “Or so they say. Like you can’t put false lashes on me without it really looking slutty.”

I ask Robbins what happened after that Icy Porn shoot. She’s glad now she did it under another name. “I went back to Portland to my funny little retail job of slinging prom dresses to preppy high school girls. I got a call from an agent and I didn’t know who this guy was. I didn’t know porn at all. The only porn people I knew of were Tory Lane and Ben English because somebody had watched a porn of theirs and left it at my house for some weird reason and they were on the boxcover. That’s the only way I knew. So somebody called me- hey, I’m an agent and also talent. You should come to L.A. and do porn. Me being kind of an idiot, sometimes, I’m, okay! Alright! A week later, I’m in the airport of Los Angeles and I get a call from my place of occupation bitching about how I had a no call/no show that day. I’m, like, yeah, that’s cool. I’m in L.A. Bye. I quit my job and came to make porn.”

Robbins’ original plan was to stay a few works, make some money, have a few funny stories and go back. But she’s living here now. Her parents know that she’s in the business and Robbins says she’d feel really, really weird doing it behind their back.

“My mom’s a little weird about it,” states Robbins. “Which I can totally understand. But she is as right with it as she’ll ever be. She’s alright with it but she doesn’t understand it. And my dad thinks it’s cool- wow it’s great that you’re doing whatever the hell you want. Besides the fact that I’ve ruined porn for him. He cannot watch porn without fear that his only daughter will pop out of nowhere and start getting d.p’d.

“When I go home people honestly hound me,” Robbins continues. “They’re just looking for funny stories and weird things and autographs from Ashley Blue. It’s really funny. They see her on Spiegler’s website, www.spieglergirls.com and they assume we’re all best friends. They ask me for autographs from all these people that I’ve never even met before! I’m, like, wow, how odd would that be just to kind of trump on up to Ashley Blue and be like, hey, Ashley, I’m Claire. Can you sign something for one of my friends? Isn’t that kind of awkward? Wouldn’t you, like, not want to do that?”

Robbins says it might be different if she was asked about Katsumi, Katja Kassin or Naomi. “At least I know them.” Robbins says she loves Katsumi and almost cried the other day when Spiegler told her Katsumi was in love with her. “I’m, oh, really?” Then when she heard that Kassin loved her as well, Robbins nearly swooned.

“It takes my breath away when people I respect, absolutely adore me. Every time you get Manuel Ferrara to say something about me, it just melts my heart.” Robbins is then asked what sexually melts her heart.

“Any guy that honestly, genuinely loves anal sex and you can tell by the look in their eye that they love it,” she says. “You can tell when some guys don’t like it. They’ll do it for scenes but you can tell it’s just not in their heart. But I just love it. And what else melts my heart? I love older men. More experienced men. And foreigners- I can’t get enough of foreigners. I love foreigners. Italian men, French men, English men! I love English men!”

I continue the rest of the interview in a fractured John T. Bone accent and Robbins declares that she’ll have to change her pants if this keeps up. Robbins is asked what kind of funny story about porn she would tell if a little man in Portland begs for one.

“They’re more like anecdotes, vignettes of porn,” states Robbins. “But usually I end up telling the story of this bizarre, Japanese porn I did in which I had to do a lot of weird things that really still to this day confuse me.”

I ask Robbins if it involved her asshole and sushimi. Not quite, she says. She says it involved her feet and some kind of sweet cake with a lot of icing. Robbins describes it as a womanly worship movie.

“I didn’t pay attention to the guys at all- it was like them fucking me with dildos the whole time and going: ‘so excited oh yes, ah-ha. She gets fucked with dildo, ah-ha!’ Robbins describes it as slapstick comedy for want of a better way. “It was really bizarre.”

At the beginning of the movie, Jap guys with Mohawk haircuts begin singing Happy Birthday to Robbins. “I’m supposed to be very excited and overcome with joy that they’re singing Happy Birthday.” This cake is then produced and Robbins is asked if she wants cake.

“Then they take it with their tiny, cute Japanese hands. They start feeding it to me and I’m supposed to get very, very upset that they’re feeding me this cake. I want it but I don’t want it. I don’t really understand the conflict there. So I’m supposed to get very upset and I stand up and just trumple on the cake. It was the most bizarre thing I’ve ever done. There’s icing all over my feet, icing in my toes. They got so excited and are cheering and stuff. They’re honestly a little over zealous in some ways They push me down on the bed, stick my legs straight in the air and start licking off my feet. “It’s really funny because these people are from Japan,” Robbins continues.

“They’re not used to sweet food like this. They don’t eat sweet food in Japan. The icing made them both throw up. So they had to run back and forth to the bathroom the whole time which I’m not really sure if they caught on BTS or not, but it was fucking hilarious for me. Like I’m sitting there with my legs pointing straight in the air. And they’re running to the bathroom one after the other. One would start licking my feet and run to the bathroom. Then the other one would start. It was this ongoing cycle of vomit and icing.

“Finally they got over the initial shock of holy shit this is really sweet icing,” Robbins goes on to say. “Then they started doing other things and it was real funny because there’s a part on it that was a red balloon on the birthday cake. And part of that got on my foot which meant part of that got on one of the guy’s mouths which means later on when he was licking my pussy, all of this red icing was just coated in my lady parts. So it looked like I basically had the biggest menstrual cycle on his face ever. It was really humorous. It was 45 minutes of weird Asian mayhem and 10 minutes of sex.”

Besides anal and d.p.’s, Robbins also likes rough sex.

“As long as the people both like it and are totally comfortable with it, it’s fine,” she says. “I like to be choked to a point. I’ve been choked out once in my life and it’s the weirdest experience ever. I don’t think I could ever do it in a scene. I had such a strong connection with this person that I didn’t think they were going to hurt me. But I did pass out. Then I came to and didn’t know where the fuck I was. It was really surreal. At the moment it was really hot because I had such a strong connection with him that the feeling of it made it super hot. But I don’t think I could do it in a scene. I would get just too weirded out and cry or something. But I love rough sex. Usually I’d try to egg on the person a little to make them do it or whatever.”

Robbins has also done interracials but doesn’t get booked for it as much which is okay by her. “Some interracial, honestly very much offends me,” she says. “I’m glad I don’t get booked for those. Being from Portland which is a very progressive city, interracial sex is not a big thing. What we call interracial here is what we call normal sex in Portland. Whatever, who cares. It’s not a big thing at all.

“But when I got here I did a scene that was interracial,” says Robbins. “And they were really putting up the whole white girl-black guy thing which I understand. That’s why they’re doing it. But it was honestly offensive for me. They were just depicting black people in such a manner that, like, I was really uncomfortable. You know when you’re making a white girl uncomfortable about black stereotypes, it’s not a good thing. But they’re sitting there going hey, after this we can all get some grits, barbecue some chicken and eat some watermelon. I’m thinking I really should have not waited until the cameras were off to express my dissent about this. I should have been- hey, you guys know this is really offensive. “You’re making black people around the world just look like the biggest stereotype ever,” says Robbins.

“Maybe some white fat guy in Arkansas loves the shit out of it, but black people everywhere are going to kick my ass for sitting here and saying, wow, I’ve never been with a black guy before. It was ridiculous and I’m glad I’ve never been put in that situation again. And the thing is they laugh about it. I’m thinking, okay, sometimes it’s funny to make jokes about stereotypes. I often make jokes about myself being a prudish, quiet, bookwormy white girl. Yeah, that’s funny. But to do it in such a manner of being really offensive- I don’t understand how that’s sexy. I don’t understand how you would want to watch a porn and see that.”