Porn Valley- Variety writes the following about Pirates from Digital Playground: “Porn stars and pirates dropped anchor Monday at Hollywood’s Egyptian Theater for the red-carpet premiere of the $1 million porn movie, Digital Playground’s “Pirates.”

Starlets like Jesse Jane and Janine bared breasts as well as teeth for a cadre of photographers. Still clad in swashbuckling gear, a post-screening Evan Stone said he was “dumbfounded” to see himself on the silver screen for the first time.

Directed by Joone, “Pirates” measured its production in weeks rather than days and spent five months in post for special effects such as CGI skeletons.

However, the reality of watching a 129-minute porno proved too much for some audience members. The full house began to trickle out after an hour, preferring to wait in front of the theater and poke through their goodie bags, which, of course, included a copy of the “Pirates” DVD that goes on sale Sept. 26.

The cast included a bevy of actors who claim to live full time as pirates and have the wardrobes to prove it. Sal Santoro, who moonlights as captain of the Lord Blacksmith ship, said pirates and porn stars have a lot in common, besides a shared affinity for, er, booty.

“Pirates are outcasts who live by a certain code,” he said. “They’re good-hearted, but at the end of the day they have jobs to do.”

Gene sez: The movie was also discussed Wednesday night on KSEX radio’s the Porn Honies show which is devoted to reviewing adult movies. Maria Menendez and Kimberly Kane are co-hosts, but because they often sound so much alike, it’s hard determining who’s saying what. Mid-way during the show, Roger T. Pipe calls in and offers his two cents on movies. Pipe asked if either of the women attended Monday night’s premiere.

Menendez is heard to say she boycotted it because she heard the movie sucked. Pipe said he got the impression from the trailer that it was going to be cheesy and stupid. One of the women is heard to say that she had a couple of friends outside of porn who went to see it with an open mind. “They said it sucked balls is what I was told.”

Pipe said it was just the opposite for him. “I wasn’t expecting a lot,” he said. “It’s pirate porno- we’ve seen that already.” Conquest from Wicked Pictures was then brought up. It was also noted that the CGI effects are going to be first rate in a mainstream movie and second rate in a porn movie.

“They’re going to pay money for it. But they’re not going to pay REAL money for it.” But that wasn’t Pipe uttering the comment. Pipe talked about how other CGI shots really didn’t go over.

“They should have just rented a boat like they did in Conquest.” But Pipe also said he was shocked at how good the sex was in the movie. “There’s no slo-motion sex in 11 scenes.” Pipe said that was the problem with Conquest.

“It’s a great movie [Conquest], the costumes are great,” he said. “They shot it on a ship but every second of sex is slo-motion. That sucks.” Pipe said the acting was good enough in Pirates because they poke fun at it.

“There’s just enough humor so you kind of cover the fact that she [presumably Jesse Jane] really can’t act.”

“They didn’t make Devan act, did they?” one of the women asks. Pipe said not a lot, that Devan and Teagan aren’t in the movie very much.

“Ever since Teagan got the nose job I don’t think she’s cute.” Menendez might have been making that comment.

“It’s mostly Evan Stone and Tommy Gunn…who are not together, “Pipe continued. “And Janine and Jesse Jane who are together, thankfully. They do a scene together.” Pipe noted that Carmen Luvana and Jesse Jane also do a scene. “Carmen and Jenaeve Jolie do a really great kind of a pseudo-forced lesbian action,” Pipe went on to say. “It’s really, really hot. Then Janine and Jesse Jane get together at the end for a half-sex, half-wrestling domination scene.” Overall, Pipe said it was a good feature but don’t expect Jules Jordan sex.

“It was better than I expected.”

Menendez said she boycotted it.

“Because they made people go into a theater and sit down and watch a porn movie. I did that for Deep Throat, www.xxxdeepthroat.com. But that was only for historical purposes. I think Digital Playground’s getting a little too big for their britches. So I was, like, I love you guys but you won’t send me screeners, like I feel I don’t have to be nice to them.”