Porn Valley- I don’t know what was funnier- Taylor Rain detailing her elaborate plan to catch the guys who stole her laptop last week, or Brian Surewood – as a boozed up Santa – tumbling down a chimney and losing his shoes. Because of Surewood’s condition, Lauren Phoenix is playing a pissed off Mrs. Claus in Defiance/Torrid’s movie Crazy Christmas. This is all because an illness cut Taylor Rain’s day short. Rain’s also saying something about being pregnant, that she threw up on her way to the set at the intersection of Fallbrook and Vanowen. The pregnancy bombshell begs for a bit more BTS-style investigation, except Rain tends to drop unchallenged statements like this into her conversations.
“A friend told me that you can still be pregnant and on the rag,” she explains. Rain’s also wishing she could be 18 again. “You can be cool and trendy and funny. Now I just worry about my garden and my dog.”
The way Rain’s playing to the cameras, Surewood and Phoenix both agree that she should have some kind of TV show. “I’m very psychic when I’m really high,” Rain comments although the subject is never brought up. Psychic that she is, Rain predicts that she won’t be on the set for long. Rain also predicts that the “Beaners” who have taken her laptop will be eaten by dogs. Because she can’t work, Rain is asked if she can switch and manage a b/g/g scene for Tuesday.
“I get nervous and uncomfortable with those,” Rain’s saying. “I’d rather do a d.p. because girls are evil- we’re all evil, mean and not nice.” Rain says women tend to one-up each other when performing together, but she’ll do the scene if she has to.
After her pretty girls, Rain leaves. She has Monday afternoon classes to attend in photography and creative writing.The way the bit was supposed to work, Rain and Phoenix are Santa’s helpers. But with Rain out for at least one day’s portion of the shoot at Str-8 Up Studios, Surewood and Phoenix get one of those quickie porn script marriages with Phoenix discovering that the beloved but bare foot Santa is an inveterate lush. Surewood, passing out on a leather arm chair, and Phoenix get their acerbic exchanges in one take.
“That’s a pile of beauty right there,” Vince Voss comments wryly. During a break, Surewood asks Voss if he’s allowed to smoke. “Just be courteous with your butts,” Voss advises him. “Feed ’em to your dog like I do.”
Phoenix will have an affair with an elf [Kurt Lockwood] in this movie. Liking the look, Phoenix is dolled up in a platinum page boy wig and red hip huggers. Except the one size fits all might as well have tried to fit a Redwood. “My big ass,” Phoenix laughs.
Lockwood, looking like he might have posed for a Keebler cookie box or two in his day, is taking some promo shots with Sandra Romain who’ll take over the scene Rain was supposed to do. Blessed with a body that any vampire would suck, Romain’s from Romania but has never been to Transylvania. Because she gets asked that all the time, Romain’s going there next time she’s in the country just so she’ll have something to say. Photog Todd Todd asks Lockwood maybe he can remove his elf shoes and kneel on them, lending the impression that he really is an elf. “I’m doing porn. I’m doing porn in an elf outfit but I’m not doing it kneeling with the elf shoes,” Lockwood replies.
But this wasn’t the only set where lineups were being shuffled due to unforeseen circumstances. Rumor had it that Zero Tolerance’s shoot, which was taking place down the street at the location Taylor Rain shot In the Pink Saturday, had a couple of girls show up without current tests. Hence ZT sent some of its male talent over to the Defiance set rather than pay a kill fee after those scenes washed out. Which reminded Todd Todd of a too little too late policy at JKP where the contract girls started getting docked pay if they showed up late on sets. Todd also remembers another time on a JKP set when Jason Sechrest, who was working for the company at the time, asked Todd if he were a model. Sechrest claimed he’d give Todd the best blowjob he ever had, according to Todd. Todd said thanks but no thanks. The next time Sechrest offered, Todd remembers clobbering him.
However, porn drama doesn’t necessarily have to rely on any phase of the moon to ignite it. Just last week I’m hearing a story about Dillan Lauren which, coincidentally, occurred at the same house as In The Pink, as in the ZT shoot.
Lauren, in the makeup chair, is reportedly making comments that her pussy’s swollen shut- or something like that -and that she can’t work. Bad news traveling fast the way it does on a porn set, a call is put in to L.A. Direct to get another girl. There’s talk from the agency that if Lauren doesn’t do the scene, she’s off the website, yadda-yadda-yadda. Lauren has a change of heart and says she’s okay, that she’ll do the scene. I don’t know how true this is, but Lauren is supposedly told to pull her pants down, stick her finger in her pussy and offer the finger for a proof of whiff. To which Lauren decides to take her beef outside to the rest of a neighborhood. An agency driver finally comes to pick Lauren up.
Meanwhile, Lockwood and Phoenix have wrapped up a great scene.
“The footage was good- the sex was good,” says Voss. “Now I can eat my chicken sandwich with a smile on my face.”