Porn Valley- That’s how it is in the porn business. One day you’re an elf. The next day you’re a gladiator. Lee Stone was supposed to have been a gladiator on a Hustler movie being shot by Rick Davis. Stone was even going to get the boxcover. Except due to an apparent scheduling screwup on Hustler’s end, Stone winds up shooting for another company Wednesday instead of Hustler. But Tuesday, Stone is an elf with ‘roid rage in Defiance/Torrid’s Christmas movie which really hasn’t settled on a title.

Last week, Cindy Crawford was all set to direct for Defiance. Except Crawford who was scheduled to be on the same set Tuesday as Stone, was in Las Vegas instead. PM Robert Finch is calling Crawford at 8 am to make sure Crawford’s making her call time.

Except Crawford’s husband answers the phone and is going holy shit we overslept. Mind you, Crawford and her husband are in Vegas, not the Valley. Crawford’s husband is offering as an excuse the fact that he must have set the alarm for 2 pm instead of 2 am, but that they can be in the Valley by 3 in the afternoon. In a thanks but no thanks ending to the conversation, Eve Laurence is called in to sub for Crawford who’s now apparently shit out of a directing gig. As far as Defiance is concerned, anyway. Vince Voss, casting fatherly glow, is saying that Finch went from being a nice P.A. to being a prick P.M.

As always, Laurence is giggly and charming. She’s wearing an outfit that looks like a one-piece yuletide lifeguard suit. Remaining in character from the day before where he’s playing a drunken Santa, Brian Surewood again dons the outfit made immortal last year by Ron Jeremy. Voss assures Brian, positively, that the outfit has been dry cleaned and fumigated.

But it’s also pointed out that Voss and photog Todd Todd are sporting nearly the same ensembles- white T-shirts and washed out camo pants. Keith O’Connor’s saying this is very gay especially when Todd cops to the fact that he never wears underwear, and Voss’ toilet habits extend to the fact that he does his ass with baby wipes after taking a shit. Which reminds Voss of the scene the day before between Davia Ardell and Anthony Hardwood. Asked how that went, Voss began talking in terms of chocolate pudding.

“Put it this way,” says Voss. “There was more poop than a public toilet at Burning Man.”

With her no-crap verbal repertoire, Laurence certainly knows how to sell a scene, but Voss is pissed off because there were no sales when the costume shops saw him coming.

Voss said he calls one place, and they didn’t even want to bother to reach into their Christmas stock let alone be polite about it. Otherwise, Voss was all over the Valley in Halloween shops paying top dollar for Christmas getups.

“Kiss my ass,” says Voss. “Some Korean’s making these in his basement for 9 drachmas an hour.”

Todd Todd knows Tyler Faith, who’s also on the set, from the Jill Kelly days. And that’s probably bad enough as far as inside jokes go. But when Voss discovers that he, Faith and O’Connor are from nearby neighborhoods in Massachusetts, Faith, after sharing memories with Voss about restaurants they have known and loved, is targeted in the most relentless of verbal crosshairs.

Calling her Queen Elizabeth, Voss asks Faith if she’d prefer Ruth’s Chris to cater lunch. Perhaps some Filet as opposed to the mundane Frisco Burger from Marie Callendar’s. Only if it’s butterflied says Faith checking out the packaging of the costume she’s about to put on. Faith says she knows the model in the photo. Someone asks her about Green Bay Packer Javon Walker. www.adultfyi.com/read.aspx?ID=11596

“Is there, like, anyone from the NFL you don’t know?” Voss asks her. He also inquires about boxers and rock groups whose ships Faith may have passed in the night.

Faith’s getting made up for her scene with Lee Stone. For openers, Faith and Tiffany DiGivanni will be running helter skelter about the set during a strobe moment with Stone scaring the bejeezus out of them. Voss feels there’s no reason why porn shouldn’t be silly and fun.

Stone’s managed to wedge his hulking body into a pair of green tights with the clock obviously ticking on their life expectancy. Calling herself a nymph from way back, DiGivanni, who commutes from New Mexico, is thrilled to be working with Stone, noting that her recent experiences with male porn performers have been nothing to write home about. I think DiGivanni uses the specific word, “nightmares”. She talks about one scene she did which lasted from 9 in the morning until 8 that night, mostly because her partner was having wood problems. Otherwise, DiGivanni says she quit counting guys she’s fucked off camera a long time ago. Faith and DiGivanni manhandle Stone.

DiGivanni, who’s repped by Tera Patrick’s agency, is also telling me about this gig she’s been offered in the Dominican Republic- that she’ll get paid $10,000 for five days work if she does a one-legged man and a midget. No Lee Stones, mind you. But DiGivanni thinks she’ll pass on it.

And that was part of the drama from the day previous when Taylor Rain went home sick. There had been talk of Rain doing a midget. Then Stephanie Tripp was going to do the scene, instead, only it was discovered that Napoleon hadn’t tested out. Which is why Rain was being scheduled for later Tuesday afternoon. She’s now going to do an Oompa Loompa with Trent Salari playing the Loompa.

Like Voss, says. There’s no reason why porn shouldn’t be silly and fun