Porn Valley- So Tony T is goin’, yo, are we wearin’ funny stuff? Director Michael Adam tells T, yeah, you got to dress like an elf. This is a Christmas movie, Here Cumz Santa for Vertigo.
The other day T busts a set because a couple of broads he’s supposed to be working with look like skanks, according to him. So I’m figurin’ no way T puts on tights and elf shoes for this one. I’m calling Vegas to place a bet. But, surprisingly, T puts on the outfit. During a break, director Adam tells me, as for himself, he spends Saturday afternoons betting Jai Alai on the Internet.
And you’d think that T and Surewood were living at a fronton with the speed they come whizzing into their d.p. scene with Sondra Romain. T literally fucks the pink wig off of Romain’s head.
“I love dis,” says Romain during the scene. “Is dis a present for me?” T and Surewood are a roller coaster ride out of control.
During the same break, Surewood confesses that he prematurely popped a load on the floor before he even got into frame with Sondra. Surewood, who mopped up after himself, says he’s always doing that.
“I constantly cum,” he says. “I have as much pre-cum as guys have loads.” The fact that Surewood reclaimed his wood again almost instantly has PM Finch in awe. Finch says if that were him, it would be another hour and a half to regroup. Only Surewood’s back in the game in a matter of seconds. I’m saying this is why guys like Surewood are so good at what they do. Which kind of makes Jenna Presley’s earlier remarks kind of silly.
Presley, in the business for so short a time she still has the new car smell, is asking who Surewood is. Why, she’s asked. Presley says she’s compiling her “no” list which gives some indication why she’s asking the question. Presley also gives you the idea that she’s accommodating the names of Van Damage and Nick Manning as possible suitors. Will the name of Anthony Hardwood be added? It’s hard to tell, but Hardwood was certainly doing a good impression of a Hungarian mating dance after his fourway in the morning with Presley that included Sascha and Ana Nova.
Presley, a former anorexic, had been eyeing Hardwood’s bulging biceps, and that’s all Hardwood, who tends to strut naked around porn sets with a towel draped around his neck, needed. Presley’s telling Hardwood she’s looking for a personal trainer, that Derek at L.A. Direct is telling her she’s fat. Hardwood’s giving Presley the goo-goo eyes. Presley’s telling Hardwood how she tried to enroll at the 24 Hour Fitness Center and how they tried to price gouge her. After Lisa Anne over at L.A. Direct gives them a piece of her mind, the salesman calls Presley and leaves a voicemail message that has something to do with his cock and her mouth.
Presley’s shocked by what this guy did. But not so much by what Jason Cox supposedly did the time she was on a computer. According to Presley, Cox walks in the room pulls his pants down and grabs her by the head. Only problem is Courtney Simpson, Cox’s girlfriend, comes in as this is going on and gets something of a wrong impression. Presley said it’s all innocent but understands how you could misinterpret the situation.
With no room for misinterpretation, Hardwood’s volunteering to be Presley’s trainer. Before their scene, Michael Adam tells me he’s going to count the number of times Hardwood and Sascha look at each others genitals in the fourway. He thinks the count with fall somewhere in the 90’s.
“My whole life’s built around men touching their genitals,” groans Adam.
Adam informs Ana Nova and Presley they’re about to learn a new meaning to the term Eastern Bloc. Adam introduces Hardwood as a man capable of lifting a house. To illustrate, Hardwood hoists both Nova and Presley in his arms like sacks of groceries. Photos are snapped. While Hardwood’s good for a cheap weekend, Adam tells the women he actually prefers Sascha’s “soft and squishy” physique. He’s being sarcastic.
Sascha thanks me for the gay inference story of the other day. I think Sascha’s also being sarcastic. Keeping in the character of the moment, Adam tells Sascha he wants to film softcore- just Sascha and Hardwood, forget the girls. Sascha excuses himself to tinkle. Adam suspects in the mean time Hardwood will regale everyone with workout stories while he’s touching his penis.
In the scene, Adam wants Sascha and Hardwood tripping down a flight of stairs in their underwear like kids on a Christmas morning to find Nova and Presley waiting for them as presents.
Someone’s telling a story about snow falling on a recent Axel Braun movie where one of the girls was totally whacked out on drugs. Presley’s wondering if it’s the same girl her and Michelle Maylene have nicknamed Cookie Snorts-a-Lot. Adam nicknames Hardwood his “little Pierogi”. Hardwood doesn’t get it, and Adam has to explain it’s an Eastern Bloc dish similar in concept to ravioli.
Hardwood’s getting ready for the pop shot and grunts something Eastern Bloc-ish. It sounds like, “ga-now”. Adam’s asking him what the fuck is a ga-now. Similar to the what the fuck are you doing here epidose Brian Surewood ran into in Canada. Surewood’s entering the country. He’s asked what his business is. Surewood explains and Customs ain’t buying it. They usher him into a room and do a make. In the process, Customs comes up with a Brian Surewood filmography. Surewood swears this is a true story.