WORLD WIDE WEB – Bah humbug! F**k Christmas, to hell with Hanukkah, and Kwanza can kiss my ass! You’d like to forget about the holiday season all together, but if you don’t get your friends and family gifts: you’ll be pegged as a cheap bastard for the rest of your life. Leave it to your friends at T-Shirt Hell to come up with the ultimate solution – Wrap Hell!

T-Shirt Hell (www.tshirthell.com) is the number 1 T-shirt retailer on the internet as tracked by Alexa.com. For the past 2 years they have been subjecting the world to their uniquely twisted brand of humor with a full line of politically incorrect t-shirts, offensive baby shirts, and crazy underwear. Now, they have added high quality gift-wrap with an edge to the mix.

This cleverly designed wrapping paper allows you to express exactly how you feel about the holidays, birthdays or whatever the occasion. For example, the “Happy F**king Whatever” gift-wrap features that delightful slogan in tasteful gold script. With graphics of Santa, a menorah, an American flag, a pumpkin, a birthday cake and more, “Happy F**king Whatever” — as its name suggests – is the perfect gift-wrap for any occasion.

If you don’t think mistletoe goes far enough, and demand an early return on your gift, try the subtle “Tearing this paper signifies your consent to perform oral sex on the giver”. Although cleverly concealed, this phrase is perfectly legible mixed among colorful streamers and confetti. It will surely let your significant — or not-so-significant — other know that they suck, or at least you’d like them to.

Sticking to the sexual theme, some might get their holiday jollies with the “Gang Bang Elves” wrap, which features Santa and the elves on the giving and receiving end of all sorts of holiday joy. Delight to these little fellas, the Claus family, and a famous reindeer, too!

Those who can’t forget that wonderful ’80s hit, “Do They Know It’s Christmas?” and its tender, “Feed the world chorus,” will love the colorful red paper that reminds the recipient of your gift that “more than 600 children die of starvation each day in Ethiopia. Enjoy your gift.” It comes complete with a rainbow of starving children.

For those who feel that the true meaning of Christmas has been lost among all the plastic snowmen and flying reindeer crap, there’s the ever-so-tasteful “Christ Mas Tree” wrap. It features our boy J.C. on a crucifix, sporting a Santa hat, and draped with tinsel and Xmas lights; a pile of gifts at his feet.

On the less festive, more lethal tip, try the bright yellow “Biohazard” wrap, or the “This gift is the bomb!” paper. We’re sure the Unabomber would approve. And for all occasions, there’s always the “Skulls” wrap for the Goth chick or speed-metal freak in the family. For the plain ol’ freak, try the “For a very special person” wrap, which features Jeremy, T-Shirt Hell’s very own retard.

And, if your gift truly sucks, why not say it with “It’s the thought that counts, right?” gift-wrap.

Remember, as they say at T-Shirt Hell, “Just because your gift sucks, doesn’t mean your paper has to!”