Porn Valley- If you think the softcore business and the hardcore business are world’s apart, Cytherea’s on the set of a new cable series titled Sinsations. www.adultfyi.com/read.aspx?ID=14247

The last time I was at this location, Kelly Wells was being sodomized in a Mitch Spinelli movie.

Michelle Maylene, who’s with LA Direct Models, is also in the cast and doing a series of ballet-style rear leg stretches which resemble a sex position if you look at it from a certain way. Robert Lombard, who’s the casting director and supervising producer, wonders if this might be for our benefit. Yeah, right. We’re both close to collecting social security and Maylene’s enticing us.

Maylene had just been surprised with a birthday cake, and Cytherea’s talking about how she [Cytherea] gave this guy Kenny a blowjob because it was his birthday as well. I take it Kenny’s one of the crew guys. Cytherea’s told that Kenny tests, to which Cytherea says if she had known that, she would have also fucked him.

Because she was doing this shoot, Cytherea ran about 20 minutes late for her KSEX show. On the show, Harry Weiss, who was also on the set Thursday, reported that Cytherea was grabbing Lombard’s balls. As supervising producer, I assume this rates having your balls grabbed. Lombard introduces me to the owner of Dusk Till Dawn Entertainment, www.dusktilldawnentertainment.com, Walt Lambert. An older guy, Lambert’s got a set of pretty imposing traps that suggest he might be spending time in the gym from dusk till dawn. But for now his company’s underwriting this new project.

Cytherea’s become a very popular commodity in these movies, and Lombard states that she’s redefining simulated sex. Whatever that means. Weiss, on the KSEX show, quoted Cytherea [she doesn’t squirt in the scene] telling her lover in the movie, an actor named Frankie: “Get that bag off your dick- I don’t want to taste sock in my mouth.”

When he’s not putting a sock over his dick and, obviously living at a tanning bed, Frankie works as a bartender. Earlier Frankie, a Chuck Martino lookalike even to the teeth, has a scene with the star of the movie Jacy Andrews.

With a personality that has more bubbles than a Don Ho concert, Andrews is also repped by LA Direct Models. She’s a gorgeous woman and a throwback to when female porn stars had less attitude and more social skills; and Andrews just made the crossover into porn. Andrews, who was at the recent show in Vegas, had some guy come up to her wanting to know if she’d take the handle of a sword in her pussy. He’s showing her pictures of him sticking daggers against women’s throats. Andrews is creeped out, obviously, and politely tells him this isn’t her area of expertise. Her exact words.

With or without a sword, Andrews is going to have another sex scene Friday with an actor named Brad. [The formula in these movies works out to eight sex scenes- all simulated.]

Lombard tells me Brad could make the switch to porn as well because he has a big dick.

“He’s built like Don Hollywood,” Lombard tells Weiss.

“You mean he’s got wrinkles?” Weiss wants to know. Okay, he’s built like Evan Stone says Lombard for clarification. Lombard and Stone pose back-to-back, and Lombard wants to know if they could pass for father and son. Which is a story Lombard ran by an auditioning actress one time. Lombard’s telling her that he’s finally come to terms that he’s Stone’s prodigal father and is willing to do the right thing.

“She was in tears,” says Lombard but doesn’t say whether it was tears of laughter or that she was genuinely buying into the sob story bullshit.

Stone, who’s playing a director in the movie, has a passion for peanut butter and butter sandwiches. Whenever people meet him, Stone’s told two things: gee, I thought you were taller and do you know Ron Jeremy. Stone’s babe, Syren, is also in the movie playing a producer. Lombard seems to think that Syren, who’s also back to shooting hardcore again, looks like the lead actress in Memoirs of a Geisha.

I’m asking Stone, who had a main role in the movie Pirates, what the to-do was in Florida. Because it’s now making the news that there was a lot of noise about the porn movie being shot down there. Stone was the guy recognized by the local town folk and that’s how the word got out. Employing porn razzle-dazzle, a few fibs were told to land the same ship that was in Pirates of the Caribbean. Funny thing, says Stone. Word gets back to the owner of the vessel, and he personally takes a trip to see what all the commotion on deck was about.

“I don’t care if these people are naked,” Stone quotes the ship’s owner as saying. “It’s my ship.”

Then he promptly asked Jesse Jane for her autograph.