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Linda Lovelace Told to Go Fuck a Donkey

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In her book, Ordeal, Lovelace talks about how she was on a road trip with Chuck Traynor one time and that it was Traynor’s big idea to drive to Juarez, Mexico.

“Wait ’till we get to Juarez,” Traynor keeps telling her. Lovelace doesn’t bother asking what’s in Juarez because this is an answer she doesn’t want to hear.

“I hope you like donkeys,” Traynor says. Lovelave didn’t have any thoughts on donkeys one way or another except Traynor told her it would be a good idea if she did like donkeys.

“It’d be better for you.” Lovelace asks him why is that.

“Because you’re going to be fucking them in Juarez,” he explained. Lovelace thought that Traynor had to be kidding but because she didn’t register enough shock, he continued with his story, telling her how in Juarez there was an arena similar to the kind used in a cockfight. In the middle of the ring are naked women and a donkey.

“The men would be betting on various women,” Lovelace writes. “Specifically on how many centimeters of donkey penis each woman would be able to contain in her vagina.” Traynor felt that Lovelace was anatomically suited for the contest.

“I’m telling you, you’ll clean up. Shee-yit, the last chick I brought to Juarez made us three thou and she was nothin’,” he told her.

“The chicks go in one at a time,” Traynor continued. “And the crowd cheers, just like when prizefighters come into a ring. And then they strap the chick up on this contraption and then they bring out their trained donkey and they lead the donkey right into the fucking cunt.” Lovelace didn’t believe what she was hearing and asked how a donkey could do anything with a woman.

“They’re got to point him right, you dig?” Traynor told Lovelace. “Sometimes the chick gets ripped up a little- you haven’t lived until you see one of those donkey dongs. Those suckers are huge! And the guys are all bidding like they’re at some fucking auction.” Lovelace told Traynor that it would kill a woman, but Traynor assured her that there were medicos on hand to assist in case of hemorrhaging.

Lovelace was scared at all this talk, and that night went to sleep dreaming about women bleeding.

“I have never prayed so hard in my life,” she writes. “Dear God, please don’t let us get to Juarez, Mexico. Please stop us from going to Juarez.” Later in Little Rock, Traynor’s VW was rear ended by a drunken truck driver. The car flipped over and was demolished.

“I knew that God had done it,” writes Lovelace. “The automobile accident was definitely God answering my prayers.”

Years later, Lovelace would get killed in a car crash.

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