Porn Valley- I went to see Rob Spallone Friday morning. Spallone’s got a cold and not feeling too well. Joey Buttafuoco’s in the office, and I ask Joey if he still goes to this one Italian restaurant on Ventura Blvd. near Topanga. Joey recalls the name and his face lights up.

“Those were the Sheriff John days,” he says cryptically and smiles as though he were savoring a long remembered blowjob. So I’m wondering what Sheriff John and the Sloop John B has to do with Joey Buttafuoco as he takes off.

“I feel sorry for him,” says Spallone, noting that Joey has to do time beginning January 8th. I ask if this is anything to do with the insurance rap, and Spallone says, no, that Joey served that time and this time they got him for parole violation.

“Two bullets,” says Spallone. “They got him for having two bullets in his possession. Joey didn’t know. It’s not like there was a gun.” Spallone says he was there at Joey’s body shop the morning the cops made the insurance bust on him. According to Spallone, some guy drives in with a Mercedes and the side of the car has been keyed. But the guy wants the entire car repainted. Joey’s explaining why he can’t legally do this. The guy is persistent, so, in what sounds more like a case of entrapment than anything else, Joey is busted on the spot because it turns out this is an undercover cop. Spallone says Joey winds up losing his business and this nice house he had in Chatsworth. He’s now living in an apartment. Spallone says Joey got a year’s sentence, but there’s a likelihood that he may wind up doing six months, maybe four if he’s lucky.

Spallone immediately jumps into another Joey story about the time Joey was being paid $40,000 to box some celebrity, and the wrestler Chyna was substituted at the last minute.

“This is after Joey’s trained really hard for three months,” Spallone goes on to say. “So when Chyna’s name gets brought into it, he doesn’t know what to do- he’s going to look like an asshole if he beats her up and worse if he loses.” Spallone remembers being in the dressing room, giving Joey a pep talk and recalls Joey being really nervous and white as a ghost. Once Joey gets into the ring, Spallone notices some guy ringside waving a placard derogatory to Joey. So Spallone rips up the sign and starts getting shit from security. Spallone promises he’ll never do it again. During the course of the fight, Chyna tries to bull her way into Joey’ gut head first and Joey begins pummeling her.

“The crowd starts booing him,” Spallone recalls. After which Joey tries going back to the dressing room to talk to Chyna to apologize. Apparently she tells him to go fuck himself. Later there’s talk about Joey fighting the bodybuilder Nicole Bass and each was offered $100,000 to get into the ring in Atlantic City. But supposedly all the fine print plus insurance regs and liability precluded this match from ever coming off.

I ask Spallone if his talent agency’s ever getting off the ground. He’s been covering a vast nut on an office on Canoga, and Spallone says he didn’t want to get started until he had a web site locked into play. And that was part of the problem. Spallone was originally talking partnership with another agency until he found out the other agency owed money all over the place. But they did have a website which was as important to Spallone as anything. Except he didn’t want to start making someone else’s car payments along with it. So he declined the offer. Then he called this one web guy who told him he’d have a site up and running for him, five to six weeks. Spallone made it clear that he wanted a site he could operate on his own.

“A girl leaves, I want her picture down in the next five minutes,” explains Spallone. “I don’t want none of that shit waiting on someone to do it.”

So the guy seemed pretty startled when Spallone wrote out a check in full.

“You don’t have it done, I’ll kill ya,” Spallone casually told him. And that’s pretty much where everything stands.