Porn Valley- Skeeter Kerkove and Max Hardcore combined their demented genius Thursday. The result was a scene starring Kelly Wells, Nikki Nievez and the produce section of Albertsons.

“What’s the most eggs you’ve ever seen shoved up a girl’s ass and then spit out into another girl’s mouth?” asks Skeeter. “What’s the most hot dogs you’ve seen shoved up a girl’s butt and then spit out into another girl’s mouth?

“Limes were used, red creamer potatoes, pickles, tomatoes, squash, so many things. We went to one of the buildings I own; and one of the guys who leases from me owns a produce store. I had the girls with me and said, today daddy’s not shopping to cook. Today daddy’s shopping for vegetables and fruit to put up these whores’ asses.”

“The guy’s Middle Eastern and pretty mild- he seemed very surprised,” Skeeter continues. “So I was asking the girls do you think you can get this all the way up your ass to where you can swallow it and get rid of it? That was how the day started off- with a shopping spree. We bought this phenomenal amount of fruit and vegetables. But he didn’t have everything we needed so we went to Albertsons and got all the rest of the goodies. Then we took care of business while we smoked and drank like drunken sailors.”

“Nikki ‘the Lord’ Nievez and Kelly ‘the Master’ Wells were the actresses and boy did they give it their all,” Skeeter goes on to say. “And I did some old stuff-stealing from some old Skeeter Kerkove footage when Quasarman and I used to work together six years ago giving girls enemas and filming it and having them squirt into each other’s mouths.

“It’s called squirting. Of course Axel Braun does real squirting because he is an expert. And one of the things that impresses me most- a girl I went to school with- she’s a doctor- Dr. Leslie Jones. She’s a gynecologist so she knows a little bit about the woman’s body. She’s also a doctor with a separate degree in blood seriology.

“But what impresses me about Axel Braun is that he has more knowledge than female doctors who went to college for it. And I think that’s where people underestimate Axel Braun on- is the knowledge he has of a female’s anatomy, that no licensed doctor in the US has the knowledge of. Every medical book, every encyclopedia, Axel found something that none of these people found which I think is spectacular. He’s incredible. He’s been able to prove that women can have real gushing, squirting orgasms, that is not urine, that they have a secret spot in them that not a single medical expert has ever been able to find in the history of man and womankind.

“That’s what impresses me the most about Axel Braun, more than anything, that he was able to think outside of the box and prove every medical expert in the world, wrong.”

That digression out of the way, Skeeter says he also learned something new on the shoot.

“That when you put heavy whipped cream all over a girl’s body, and they tub it all over each other- while it starts drying from the heat, it turns shinier than baby oil,” he observes.

“It looks like you sprayed their bodies with liquid lacquer or varnish. And I like the look. It’s clearly different from baby oil. Bruce Seven was the man who promoted and really used baby oil. Anybody after that was a copycat. Like Max Hardcore invented gaping. Tom Byron claims that he did, but he didn’t. It’s on VHS tape, February, 1992- Max was gaping a girl’s ass and he called it stove piping, saying that it looks like the inside of a stove pipe but that was 15 years ago. That was Max Hardcore, not Tom Byron.”

That second digression out of the way, Skeeter mentions how full ears of corn were also shoved up Wells and Nievez’s butts.

“And carrot with all the green stuff hanging out,” he adds. “But what was fun and people will know it can’t be faked was fire-in-the-hole. That’s almost a tagline. Cool the engines- my ass is fucking burning. Damn right it was. We were putting five inch red chili peppers in their buttholes.

“Real red chili peppers bought from Albertsons. Fire in the hole. What do you do to cool ’em off? Throw water on it. Cool the engines. It was kind of fun- it was the lesbian food fuckfest. And we exercised all five food groups to stay healthy and strong.”

“Everything went into the butt, pussy and the mouth. Everything. God, it was cool. I told them you know it’s going to hurt. They were let’s do it. There were red chili peppers and green chili peppers and olives and radishes. I’m not a fan of radishes. I personally don’t eat them but the girls said they were cool with it when we were shopping.

“Squash- I guess I can eat a few pieces of it when mixed with the right stuff. But they were down with the program. And milk does the body good, but the milk enema is so played out. I did it six years ago, and it was played out then. It’s so fucking retarded but we had to put a little retardedness into the movie. What I did six years ago we did again. But it was fun.

“The girls were incredible and were like champion sharpshooters. They were very good in getting that left leg high, face down below and in frame and squirting it right into that other girl’s mouth with the love and care you don’t find too often.”