So I’m at Jerry’s Deli in Woodland Hills the other day and the conversation gets around to Tito Jackson, since Tito frequents the establishment quite a lot.
Tito has left another of his famous tips and the guess is to how much under a dime it was. I think this is a put on, but I’m told Tito has left four cents, that the other week Tito bequeathed 15 cents from the Jackson Family estate.
Tito obviously being the big tipster that he is, Week 5 in the AdultFYI football pool is dedicated to him. And here are a couple of Tito’s picks looking at Sunday’s matchups.
Chicago at Detroit. Tito picks Chicago, noting that Brian Urlacher double dares Michael to invite him for a sleepover.
Washington at Philadelphia. With Donovan McNabb’s chest hurting and Brian Westbrook’s ankle still tender, Michael said he could kiss their booboos and make them better. Washington.
New England at San Francisco. Even out for the season, Michael thinks that Tom Brady is still very pretty. New England.
Tampa Bay at Denver. Denver. Michael will have to go back to his old nose to suck up that mile high air.
Tennessee at Baltimore. Baltimore. Ray Lewis is in rumored negotiations to help Michael open a Neverland on the eastern seaboard manned by ex convicts.
……
Willie D. has his look at this week’s picks followed by Sean from www.pornlegends.com :
Willie D. writes: Here are my Week 5 choices, influenced, of course, by everyone’s favorite porno_moron Dara Fjord, who seems to fart out bad copy from her ovaries daily. But before all that–Kelly Nichols as Sarah Palin???
Seriously, with her cleft chin and all? If you’re going old school, maybe Ashlyn Gere. She was better stacked than Governor Failin, but still. Better modern-day alternawhores would be Austin Kincaid (*the* most underrated whore in porn) or Catalina Cruz.
On to my Dara Fjord-inspired NFL week 5 predictions:
Buffalo over Arizona
**Daraj Fjord thinks buffalo wings started in Syracuse.
Carolina over Kansas City
**Dara Fjord was actually “Jim in Fall River” who used to call into the Jim Rome Show with sexual paeans about donkeys.
Chicago over Detroit
**Dara Ford thinks a “Vienna Sausage” refers to Steve Holmes, who also likes to eat sperm.
Dallas over Cincinnati
**Yokah Darah is unemployed but only collects about ocho cinco centavos every day whoring herself in the street.
Denver over Tampa Bay
**Darrea thinks Brandon Marshall is related to Justice John Marshall.
Green Bay over Atlanta
**She can’t recall from easy memory who John Marshall was.
Indianapolis over Houston
**Daral thinks Payton Manning and Eli Manning are starring in their own porno titles.
Pittsburgh over Jacksonville
**Primanti Brothers refuses to serve Darag Fiord because she thinks the “Roethlisberger” isn’t named after someone.
NY Giants over Seattle
**Dureahuhu Ford dressed up like a negro and robbed those poor, poor, disgusting bukkake mopes.
Philadelphia over Washington
**Darrah Ford buys crack from Marion Barry.
San Diego over Miami
**Diarrhea Ford used to suck off Tony Gwynn for free.
San Francisco over New England
**Coach Belicheat hired Daray Feord for kinky sex with Randy Moss before they traded for him. Tampering? I think not!
Tennessee over Baltimore
**Daeara played the role of a crack addict on “The Wire.” Jimmy McNulty and Bunk Moreland pistol-whipped her.
New Orleans over Minnesota
Drew Brees will pass over the Vik-queens defense more than Yo-Adrian Peterson will be able to run on a questionable Saints’ D-line.
**…haha, fooled ya!
Cheers,
Willie D from XXXPornTalk
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Now from Sean…
Tennessee over Baltimore – I contacted Max Hardcore Friday morning, just hours before his sentencing, while he was enjoying a leisurely breakfast of diarrhea and projectile vomiting. It was hard to understand what he was saying, but I think he likes the Titans and a suspended sentence.
Carolina over Kansas City – Talking about this game, Joe Brandi says, “Who cares! It sucks and boring anyway at this point.” Come on, Joe, it’s only Week 5.
Chicago over Detroit – The Vaughn Family gives me their picks: Mother likes the Bears. Daughter likes the Lions. Half-sister likes the Cubs. Grandma needs her diaper changed, and I need to puke.
Green Bay over Atlanta: Jim Powers said it would be a crime if the Packers don’t win this game by 10.
Indianapolis over Houston – Max Hardcore likes the Colts because, “Once they start getting a couple of marks in the win column, they’re going to be able to justify their position.”
San Diego over Miami – Via his attorney, Wankus tells me he likes the Dolphins by 7 and said if I continue to use his name in this column, he’ll e-mail me.
Giants over Seattle – Joe Brandi IM’ed me saying he likes the Giants by 12. I IM’ed him back telling him his pick was unprofessional.
Philadelphia over Washington – Tony Batman likes the Eagles by 10 and tells me he will be on the radio in Nome Alaska Monday morning.
Denver over Tampa – Lexxi Tyler likes Denver by 4. I like Lexxi’s body. HOT!
Arizona over Buffalo – Joe Francis likes the Cardinals by 3. Hugh Hefner likes the Bills. I wouldn’t buy stock in Hefner’s pick, however.
Dallas over Cincinnati – Falcon Studios likes the Cowboys [figures] by 14. The LA Sheriff’s vice squad likes Falcon Studios for other reasons too complicated to get into.
New England over San Francisco – The Grand Vizier likes the Patriots by 17 and says AVN will be a parking lot in 6 months.
Jacksonville over Pittsburgh – Kayden Kross likes the Jags in this game and hopes to have a cell close to Janine Lindemulder.
New Orleans over Minnesota – Max Hardcore likes the Saints in this game and is requesting all his fans send him a lot of soap-on-a-rope.
Here are this week’s picks from the AdultFYI pool:
Tim Case [42-18]: Chicago, San Diego, Green Bay, NY Giants, Tenn, Houston, Carolina, Philly, Tampa Bay, Dallas, Buffalo, NEngland, Jax, New Orleans
Robert Interlandi, www.deepthroatenergy.com [39-21]: Detroit, San Diego, Green Bay, Giants, Baltimore, Indy, Carolina, Philly, Denver, Dallas, Arizona, NEngland, Jax, New Orleans
Sean, www.pornlegends.com [39-21]: Chicago, San Diego, Green Bay, Giants, Tenn, Indy, Carolina, Philly, Denver, Dallas, Arizona, NEngland, Jax, NOrleans
Karl The Birdman [39-21]: Chicago, Miami, Green Bay, NY Giants, Tennessee, Houston, Carolina, Philly, Tampa Bay, Dallas, Buffalo, SF, Jax, NO
Mastrick [39-21]: Detroit, San Diego, GBay, Giants, Tenn, Indy, Carolina, Philly, Denver, Dallas, Buffalo, NEngland, Pittsburgh, New Orleans
Tony Batman [39-21]: Chicago, San Diego, Green Bay, Giants, Baltimore, Indy, Carolina, Philly, Denver, Dallas, Arizona, NEngland, Jax, NOrleans
Sinlinlin [39-21]: Chicago, San Diego, GBay, Giants, Baltimore, Indy, Carolina, Philly, Denver, Dallas, Buffalo, NEngland, Jax, NOrleans
Steve, www.magnusxxx.com [39-21]: Detroit, San Diego, GBay, Giants, Baltimore, Indy, Carolina, Philly, TBay, Dallas, Arizona, New England, Jax, New Orleans
Mastrick [39-21]: Detroit, San Diego, Green Bay, Giants, Tennessee, Indy, Carolina, Philly, Denver, Dallas, Buffalo, NEngland, Pittsburgh, New Orleans
Gene Ross [38-22]: Chicago, SD, Atlanta, Giants, Baltimore, Indy, Carolina, Philly, Denver, Dallas, Arizona, New England, Jax, New Orleans
Jack Spade [38-22]: Detroit, Miami, Green Bay, Giants, Baltimore, Houston, Carolina, Philly, Denver, Dallas, Arizona, SF, Jax, New Orleans
Mike Dickinson [37-23]: Chicago, San Diego, Green Bay, Giants, Baltimore, Indy, KC, Philly, Denver, Dallas, Buffalo, New England, Pittsburgh, New Orleans
Willie D. [37-23]: Chicago, San Diego, Green Bay, Giants, Tennessee, Indy, Carolina, Philly, Denver, Dallas, Buffalo, SF, Pittsburgh, New Orleans
Dan Davis, Genesis Magazine [37-23]: Chicago, San Diego, Green Bay, Giants, Tennessee, Indy, Carolina, Philly, Denver, Dallas, Arizona, NEngland, Jax, New Orleans
John from Adult Source Media [36-24]: Chicago, San Diego, Green Bay, Giants, Tennessee, Indy, Carolina, Philly, Denver, Dallas, Buffalo, New England, Jax, New Orleans
Brian Wallace [36-24]: Detroit, San Diego, Atlanta, Giants, Baltimore, Houston, Carolina, Philly, Denver, Dallas, Arizona, New England, Jax, Minnesota
Sandy Bunz, www.sandybunz.com [35-25]: Detroit, San Diego, Green Bay, Seattle, Tennessee, Houston, KC, Washington, Denver, Dallas, Buffalo, SF, Jax, New Orleans
Kortni Kiss [35-25]: Detroit, San Diego, Green Bay, Giants, Tennessee, Indy, Carolina, Philly, Denver, Dallas, Buffalo, New England, Pittsburgh, Minnesota
Billy the Crystal [34-26]: Detroit, Miami, Atlanta, Seattle, Baltimore, Indy, Carolina, Washington, Denver, Dallas, Buffalo, NEngland, Jax, New Orleans
Mike Moz [34-26]: Chicago, San Diego, Green Bay, Giants, Baltimore, Indy, Carolina, Philly, Tampa Bay, Dallas, Buffalo, New England, Jax, New Orleans
Joe Brandi [34-26]: Chicago, San Diego, Green Bay, Giants, Tennessee, Indy, Carolina, Philly, Denver, Dallas, Buffalo, SF, Pittsburgh, New Orleans
Danny Season, Foxxx Modeling [34-26]: Detroit, San Diego, Green Bay, Giants, Tennessee, Indy, Carolina, Philly, Denver, Cincy, Arizona, NEngland, Jax, Minnesota
Mike Fattorosi, www.adultbizlaw.com [34-26]: Chicago, Miami, Atlanta, Seattle, Baltimore, Indy, Carolina, Philly, Denver, Dallas, Buffalo, New England, Jax, New Orleans
Jeff Mullen, www.bewitchedxxx.com [33-27]: Chicago, San Diego, Green Bay, Giants, Tennessee, Indy, Carolina, Washington, Denver, Dallas, Buffalo, New England, Jax, Minnesota
John Gray [32-28]: Chicago, San Diego, Atlanta, Giants, Baltimore, Indy, Carolina, Philly, Denver, Dallas, Arizona, NEngland, Jax, Minnesota
Steve Seidman [31-29]: Chicago, SD, Green Bay, NY Giants, Baltimore, Houston, Carolina, Philly, Denver, Dallas, Buffalo, NEngland, Jax, New Orleans
Jenny Hendrix [29-31]: Detroit, Miami, Green Bay, Giants, Baltimore, Houston, KC, Washington, Tampa Bay, Dallas, Buffalo, NEngland, Jax, New Orleans
Steve Volponi [26-34]: Chicago, San Diego, Atlanta, Seattle, Baltimore, Indy, Carolina, Philly, Denver, Dallas, Arizona, NEngland, Jax, Minnesota
Dave F. [24-26]: Chicago, San Diego, Green Bay, Giants, Baltimore, Houston, Carolina, Washington, TBay, Dallas, Buffalo, SF, Jax, Minnesota
Ryan from Jerry’s Deli [23-37]: Detroit, Miami, Atlanta, Seattle, Tennessee, Houston, KC, Washington, Tampa Bay, Cincy, Arizona, New England, Jax, Minnesota