Okay, let me see if I can get this story straight.

Andy Phillips has been accused by a porn star (Demi Delia) of impersonating a crowd of sports figures in order to get with her. Apparently, Phillips has taken on the guises of fellow baseballers Gregg Dobbs and Carl Pavano, agent Jordan Kapler, and wrestler John Cena.

Thing is, the story doesn’t make much sense. It doesn’t exactly fit with the former Yankee’s family-oriented churchgoing lifestyle, and he seems to have an alibi. According to his agent, Phillips wasn’t even in Manhattan the night Delia said he was.

Which means… someone was impersonating Andy Phillips. And all those other people, too. Yes, in order to get with a porn star, someone decided to impersonate a journeyman infielder with a batting average under .250, and needed to further back up this persona by also impersonating an oft-injured douchebag who (according to ex-girlfriend Alyssa Milano) has a small peepee.

Next time, maybe he should pretend to be Ron Coomer or Jay Witasick.