From Wankus’ July Nightmoves Magazine Column:

Okay, so everyone thought it was funny to mock me out for being so untanned. During improv games on my show, games that are designed to get the guests nekkid, I sometimes lose a round and have to show my ass or something. The tech team use to say, “Wankus, when you show your cheeks, we automatically re-white balance the cameras.” [Definition of White Balance: A technical method to adapt digital cameras and video equipment to the color temperature of the dominant light sources in the scene.] Ha ha ha, the jokes on me. That’s fine. I’m thick skinned and can dish some good jabs, so I need to be able to take it once and a while too right? Well, to be honest, it’s gotten a little out of control lately so I decided to do a little tanning.

I live in sunny, Southern California and if I had the time, I’d go hang out at the beach or by a friend’s pool to get some rays. Unfortunately, with my schedule, I’m lucky if I can detract an hour a day to the project so I’ve joined a local tanning salon at the low, low price of $400 a year. $400 fucking dollars a year just to lay under some light bulbs in an uncomfortable bed full of plastic and wires. Whatever. I have to brown the skin and get everyone off my back, so screw it, I’m moving forward.