Some idiot writer at the London Daily Mirror apparently thought the following piece she wrote about Bree Olson was clever. You want clever? You go to the pros at AdultCyberMart.com where we honor Bree in the proper fashion. www.adultcybermart.com/PBOWBreeOlson.html
Polly Hudson of the Daily Mirror writes these factitious blog entries attributed to Olson. For cryin’ out cripes we’re holding our sides. Call the medics.
Life with Charlie Sheen: The secret diary of Bree Olson aged 24 and 1/3
FEBRUARY 22
CHARLIE Sheen is my knight in shining armour. He rescued me from a life in the porn industry, where I had to do all kinds of depraved stuff with men and women, and brought me to the safety of his home, where I only have to do depraved stuff with him and his other girlfriend.
Everyone’s so fascinated with how it works but it’s simple – we have two double beds in the room, us girls get in one each and then Charlie chooses who he’s going to join. Girl Power!
We’re a happy little family so it’s not humiliating when Charlie picks Natalie over me… but I suppose I am quite numb generally. Party on, dude!
FEBRUARY 28
It’s been crazy round here. Yesterday some guy tried to get into the mansion – first he said he was here to stage a convention (or something) but when I told him we didn’t want a convention he changed his story and said he was Charlie’s brother. I asked his name and the dumb old dummy said Emilio Estevez! He didn’t even say his last name was Sheen! And they say porn stars are stupid. Obviously I told him where to go.
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Our little happy family is so stable, no one can break us. I love Charlie so much I actually think I would stay here even if he wasn’t paying me – although we’ll never find out because if he stopped paying me I’d have to leave immediately out of principle. Sure, I’d miss him but that’s the price of feminism.
MARCH 1
Charlie’s super uptight ex-wife took the twins home today because she is a total buzzkill. Me and Natalie have been looking after them (at least we get ONE EACH and DON’T HAVE TO SHARE) while Charlie does exclusive interviews with every TV station in America, so goodness knows how we’ll fill our days now.
One of the interviewers asked me if I’d like to marry Charlie and I said of course, of course. (Natalie said oh it’s still early days. JUST SAYING.)
And it’s true, I’d like to live happily ever after with him – yes, he threatened his last wife with a gun on Christmas Day (ALLEGEDLY) but, as I said, BUZZKILL. It’s different with me and him. And Natalie.
I’d love to have his kids, too. I hope they have his brave, exciting mind and his Adonis DNA obviously. Kinda hoping they don’t inherit his tiger blood though. Oh, and the warlock gene…