By the time most women reach Celebrity Babe of the Week, www.adultcybermart.com/CBOWPast.html Melora Hardin’s age, the ass craters have permanently set in, and the local mortuary is mailing weekly newsletters with burial plot availability updates.
Just the same, few babes at any age look as good as Hardin who celebrates her 44th year on the planet June 29. This makes Melora a Cancer, a water sign, meaning these chicks often become gloomy, depressed, like to booze it up a lot to justify having sex and, as such, acquire swollen, Hillary Clinton ankles in advancing age.
Without fear of contradiction, you’ll find that women who party and flash embarrassingly in Joe Francis videos are often Cancers and generally have fuzzy strawberry noses to look forward to as they get older. Which means Joe will probably have the last laugh on many of the alkies trying to sue him.
If Melora’s exceptionally pretty face is familiar, but can’t place the name, you might know her from the show Monk, or, better yet, as Jan Levenson, aka “The Ice Queen”, the uptight, high strung Dunder Mifflin VP on TV’s The Office. Being a Cancer, Melora, again, might be playing herself, but that’s only an educated astrological guess.
From our vast research on the topic, it appears that Melora is wont to pose for peek-a-boo glamour shots, and a number of compromising photos can be found of her on the Internet if you look hard enough.
From casual observation, it appears that Melora also has sexy feet which is all we need to know in the mastubatory scheme of things. To that extent, we’d prefer Melora wear open toed pumps without nylons and have conveyed that idea in a number of email suggestions sent to her. We expect a reply any day now.
Born in Houston, Texas, the cowboy hat capital of the world, Melora, the star of Broadway, TV and films, has made the successful transition from being a child actress.
The fact that she hasn’t landed in a straight jacket or as a regular visitor to the Howard Stern show with that kind of dysfunctional background, probably says more for the fact that Melora, in her youth, appeared in a number of wholesome, family-related TV fare then as some ass-baring slut named Amber in an American Pie movie. Family values, that’s us.
Interesting Melora facts: she played the Yanni-loving Linda Evans in a TV movie about the making of Dynasty. That, plus the fact that Evans is a New Age wacko, subscribes to our Cancer theory.
Fact: Melora was cast as the original love interest in Back to the Future but was bumped from the project because she was taller than Michael J. Fox who replaced Eric Stoltz at the last minute. Who knew that Melora out of the three would be the one without the shakes, red hair and still cashing paychecks?
Fact: Melora played a dimply, prettier version of the pre-nose job Jennifer Grey’s “Baby” character in the TV version of Dirty Dancing.
Because the Patrick Swayze part was re-cast as a hair-dressing homo, may have had something to do with the show being canceled after a brief run, but that’s only conjecture.
To tell the truth, we were dying to hear the lines, “Nobody puts baby in the corner” one more time but never got to.
Fact: Melora was in the movie Lambada: The Forbidden Dance. While it’s our sad duty to report there was nothing forbidden about the movie nor the dance, all it served as was some cheap come-on to the perverts who thought they were buying tickets to a porn movie to see Melora naked.
Fact: Melora played the part of someone who smokes in the comedy Thank You for Smoking.
Fact: Although many thought so, Melora was not Hannah Montana in Hannah Montana: The Movie although rumor has it Pipedream has a MILF sex doll of Melora in the works.
Fact: Gifted with a strong voice but more so because she knows the words without screwing ‘em up, Melora has been asked to sing the National Anthem and throw out the first puck before NHL hockey games.