Tonight I gotta cut
Loose, footloose
Kick off your Sunday shoes
Please, Louise
Pull me offa my knees
Jack, get back
C’mon before we crack
Lose your blues
Everybody cut footloose
…Kenny Loggins
From my grade school recollections, the month of May was dedicated to Mary, the Mother of God. Sardo’s, the porn star hangout in Burbank, it appears got a jump on the flowers and the processions [last] Tuesday night by entertaining the blessed Shelley Lubben.
Although I was among the original karaoke crowd, I stopped going to Sardo’s a long time ago. Certain things you outgrow. Watching porn stars making dang fools of themselves and cramming yourself into a small space with very limited seating are a couple of them.
With no disrespect to Sardo’s, once you’ve been the habitué of the now defunct Mallard Inn which was located on Route 73 in Marlton, New Jersey, no other bar on earth could compare. Porn stars or no porn stars. But you gotta give Sardo’s credit for one thing. They at least adhere to the protocols of The Geneva Convention. Ask Shelley Lubben.
The re-invented, re-constituted former porn slut Shelley Lubben has publicly condemned the adult industry. She has supported efforts to tax the porn industry. She’d like to see the porn industry disappear like one of Siegfried and Roy’s white tigers. She is a tool for the Aids Healthcare Foundation.
She is the one-gal Elias Bureau of social disease statistics and the skewering thereof. She propagandizes against porn by trotting out the weak-willed and brain washed to relate the kinds of sexually dysfunctional stories even Harold Robbins never dreamed of.
And she’s as transparent in her lunacy as Tammy Faye Bakker ever was. Other than that…
However Sardo’s took her in – a gesture similar to the city of Warsaw inviting Hitler to judge a polka contest.
So someone over in Burbank is either terribly naïve or terribly stupid. From the number of clips which have escaped viraly this past week from Porn Star Karaoke it appears that Shelley under the influence is not the same Shelley that goes before the Los Angeles City Council and puts the bug in their bureaucratic ear about porn permits.
[Which is okay because the Los Angeles Department of Transportation has its own porn scandal to deal with right now. www.adultfyi.com/read.php?ID=48255 ]
Is this the beloved Shelley who decries the use of alcohol because it makes women vomit on the set? The same Shelley who claims to have been eternally traumatized because a man once showed her his dick in a swimming pool? The same Shelley who in June of 2010, spoke to U.S. House and Senate members and their staffs in Washington DC about the damage done to her body from her time in the porn industry?
The exact Shelley who, in October 2010, self-published the book Truth Behind the Fantasy of Porn: The Greatest Illusion on Earth where she details her time in the porn industry as a lifestyle of drugs, alcohol, and sexually transmitted diseases which almost killed her? Where she claims that a porn star dies every month and that porn should be considered sex trafficking due to the high demand and requests for the porn stars.
“I was diagnosed with bipolar disorder, I was really sick, mentally and emotionally from my time in the porn industry. All the porn stars are like this,” is her common rail.
Good thing Shelley’s distanced herself from all that porn nastiness and the Mary Magdalenes who make a living off of it. Then again, maybe not.
Apparently testing the validity of her own conclusions, we now have proof of what we’ve suspected all along about Ms. Lubben.
Philosophically, the whole Pink Cross-thing now looks to be dealing from the same deck of cards as the PTL Club, which, at its height, took in $1 million a week and eventually landed Jim Bakker in a mess of trouble.
‘Cause what it all boils down to is a pro wrestling storyline. Horse twaddle. Poppycock. Fiddle Faddle. Even Ira Isaacs wouldn’t touch this pile of manure and, Lord knows, content is king in the niche video world.
But there was Shelley, plain as day, in the flesh at Sardo’s, footloose with dance fever, Tuesday night fever. Shocking, truly shocking – an anathema to the right Reverend Shaw Moore and the small town of Beaumont which has outlawed the glimpse of female ankle and public displays of overt frolic.
Lubben, who has lambasted hardcore porn time and again as a series of degrading acts devoid of intimacy, is seen on video wallowing with the pigs at the trough and behaving like the town strumpet eagerly awaiting the troop train.
Yup, the same Shelley who’s been featured in the high and mighty documentaries Traffic Control and Out of the Darkness which has been selected to be the opening film for the John Paul II Film Festival, 2011, no less.
Shelley once told Howard Stern how she turned tricks for 35 bucks. Bet your bottom dollar if you caught her at the right moment Tuesday night, you would have had her for nothing, spread eagled over the Sardo’s mensroom urinal. Which is hardly unusual for a good night at PSK.
In the immortal words of Shelley, not the poet: “The sex industry lures in women and men, coerces them into doing sex acts they wouldn’t normally raise their hands to do, and forces them through pressure and threats to perform sex acts they never agreed to. Any prostitute or porn star cannot deny this and if they do, I am sure we can find proof otherwise. I love the internet.”
Maybe not so much after those video clips got out.