New York- The first half of today’s [Friday] show was dedicated to the Porn Star Olympics! Three porn stars, Selena Silver, Victoria Givens and Layla Jade, arrived at 6am this morning with absolutely no idea what stunt they’d have to perform to win the $10,000 prize for the Olympics. Howard called them into the studio and revealed to them that their task was pretty simple – they each had to drink a bottle of water every 15 minutes and the last girl to have to pee would win. The girls would have to go to the bathroom in the studio so everyone could verify they are peeing.
But shockingly, all the girls refused to do it!! They said it wasn’t worth the money to them to pee in front of everyone. Howard offered for them to get in a diaper, but they still said no. Howard and everyone was baffled that these girls, who’ve been in over a combined 560 porno films, would draw the line at this contest. But then Gary “Baba Booey” Dell’Abate stepped in and saved the bit by offering to participate in the Olympics if that made the girls feel better. It did, and all three girls eventually agreed to join. Of course, General Manager Tom Chiusano had to come in and throw a wet blanket on all the fun by saying that he doesn’t think Gary can win the prize money. Howard asked why, since this contest wasn’t open for our listeners to win. Tom had no explanation as to why he couldn’t and said he had to consult a lawyer. Gary stayed in the contest.
Howard then decided to take bets on who would win. Howard bet on Victoria, Robin and Fred bet on Layla, and Artie bet on Gary. For the first hour and half, no one had to go to the bathroom and the bit seemed as if it would go on all morning. Howard tried to speed up the process by making all the girls, and Gary, get in the tickle chair. Howard couldn’t make the first two girls laugh, but he got Selena to giggle. The most ticklish girl however ended up being Gary. At first all three girls tickled him, and he started grunting trying to stifle laughter. But then Howard started tickling him and Gary started laughing like a girl. He was bouncing up and down in the chair and raising his legs up and squeezing his arms together….It was a very bizarre sight.
No one had to go to the bathroom immediately after that, but around 8am everyone’s dam began to burst. The first one to go down was the girl Howard was confident would win, Victoria. She said she couldn’t take it anymore and went to the bathroom. She started to go to the bathroom in the studio, but was so nervous she couldn’t go, so Howard changed the rules of the contest and let her use the regular bathroom. Shortly after that, Layla let Robin and Fred down by complaining that she had to go to the bathroom because her stomach was so full of water, she couldn’t fathom drinking another bottle.
Robin was really upset and said she would never bet on a girl again. That left just Gary and Selena left in the contest, and also created some controversy in the studio. At first, Selena refused to participate in the Olympics even after Gary joined in. So when everyone made their bets, Selena was not an option to win. Artie then thought he won the bet because Gary was the last one standing against Layla and Victoria, but he hadn’t technically won the contest yet. Howard argued that they had bet on who would win the contest, not who would outlast the other girls.
At this point, Gary was on the floor kneeling in pain he had to go to the bathroom so bad, but he said he was going to hold out. Howard wouldn’t go to commercial break though, confident Gary was gong to bust at any minute, and sure enough Gary came running into the studio a minute later saying he had to go, then ran out to the bathroom. So Selena was our gold medal winner!!! She and Gary both drank a total of 8 bottles of water in two hours, but Selena was able to hold it in longer than Gary.