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Kelly Shibari writes on www.fleshbot.com – Hedonism has many aspects, but the underlying definition is the act of having freedom to pursue things that make you happy. For some, it means trying different forms of sex, which sometimes may include mood and mind-altering products. For some, it means reckless abandon, follow your bliss, embrace your lust.
Intelligent hedonism is the pursuit of happiness – but with thought, care, research, and planning involved. It means getting tested regularly and/or using protective products during sex, and doing your research if you’re going to even remotely think about touching a mind or mood altering substance. It means not doing something because someone offered it to you at a bar, a nightclub, Burning Man or anywhere else – and that’s not restricted to drugs and alcohol. It means taking the time to ask someone who wants to hook up with you, “Are you tested? Can I see the test?” and more. It also means taking the time to ask yourself, “Will I regret this in the morning?” “How am I going to feel about this a week from now?” “Is this something I would accept or do, if it weren’t at night, on the spur of the moment? Is this something I should think about first?” These are small but very important questions. It may sound like a passion-killer, but nothing is more passion-killing than developing an addiction, getting an STD, or worse.
These are also very important tenets to what I consider being a feminist. As a feminist porn performer and director, I get to choose what scenes I engage in. I’ve turned down work that doesn’t help me further, or keep in line with, my brand. If it’s not fun and SAFE, or help make the people watching my scenes happy, I’m also not going to engage in it – and because of that, I can proudly say that my work is as ethical and positive as I can make it.
As we approach Good For Her’s Feminist Porn Awards, and Tristan Taormino’s Feminist Porn Conference, it’s probably a great idea to revisit the Feminist Porn Periodic Table:
periodictableoffeministpornThere are so many of us, and yet, not enough of us! I’d love to see the “performer” section become so much bigger. There are so many people I recognize, and some that I don’t – and I’ve love to hear more about and from them. I’d love to see more of these educators and speakers at colleges, conferences and more sharing of not just what it means to be a feminist pornographer, but also someone who is proud of their sexuality…in a safe an intelligent way.
Unintelligent hedonism is why the porn industry keeps getting raked over the coals. Alcohol and drug abuse wouldn’t happen in an intelligently hedonistic community. There are also so many instances of misogyny that passes for entertainment. How, then, is it not just a matter of cause and effect when the general public thinks it’s ok to treat women in a misogynistic way, and to assume that all porn performers are high and drunk, with loose morals and absolutely no ethics? Regardless of how much we try to explain to consumers that porn is supposed to be hyper-fantasy, millions of people watch porn for the first time every year. If we can’t explain that porn is fantasy to enough people, and in turn they mistakenly see it as sex ed, then the next best thing should be the creation of adult entertainment that entertains people in a way that also suggests that the best sex is safe, fun sex.
Sure, porn is meant to be pervy. Porn’s purpose is to help turn you on, with the hope that you’ll have an orgasm. Trying to show each porn scene with a disclaimer about misogyny, or how “some people might be offended by what they see” is a boner-killer. This is especially true for those who might actually like what is being portrayed as their fantasy. Telling fetishists that what they want to masturbate to is wrong, is such a bad idea, both from an ethical and business perspective.
If companies can start showing scenes where the girl is enjoying herself, even in a scene that may stereotypically be considered negative for women, it can start a dialogue. Even something as simple as girls in a production actively sharing their experiences with the public can start a thought process that women in porn aren’t just vapid, overly made up receptacles. Allowing performers to open up about their performances and their experiences allows people to see that performers have an active role in the scene. It also can show how sometimes, just sometimes – girls like it when it’s a little twisted sexually and how sometimes they don’t mind playing the part of a receptacle – and that admitting it is ok, human, and completely acceptable, as long as there is consent to that sort of scene, for the duration of that scene, and not past that scene.
Next weekend, I have the distinct privilege of not only attending the Feminist Porn Awards and Feminist Porn Conference for the very first time – I get to go as a representative of HotMoviesForHer and FetishMovies. I can’t wait to see all of the people that I’ve respected for so many years, and interview and mingle with them! In addition, I get to announce and hand out the award for Movie of the Year on behalf of HotMovies. The thought of being able to spend a weekend with pornographers and sex educators of like mind, who all are in one aspect of adult entertainment or another from a feminist and sex-positive perspective, is awe-inspiring. It’s going to be an amazing weekend!