Rob Black calls it a love letter from a jilted woman, but Julie Meadows was asked on Mike South’s site for the APC4C’s official stand on the John Stagliano case. This is what Meadows, the organization’s head, posted on www.juliemeadoes.com

Really? I get a call from a friend yesterday to find out that Mike South is bullying me into making an “official statement” on behalf of Adult Performer’s Coalition for Choice because he allows hateful people to troll his site and accuse me of things that are so bizarre I don’t even know how to respond?

I barely get past the thinly-veiled ‘I LOVE Julie so much that I fight the urge to kick dirt in her face everyday’ remark to find he’s posted yet another anonymous “reader email” basically spewing filth about me. And if that’s not bad enough, I get the extreme pleasure of seeing yet another nasty, abusive comment from Nick East–of all people–again accusing me of not caring that people get HIV? Really? Nick, what happened to you?

You seriously think I’m nonchalant about HIV? I even responded to you as politely as I could muster when I saw that accusation. You don’t deserve it. Especially after the extremely hateful emails you sent to APC4C… the day it launched. So eager to be nasty, you couldn’t just send one extremely nasty email, you sent two! Seriously, what happened to you?

In my life, doing everything I can to juggle surviving and still finding time to give my help for free, I have to deal with this? Wow. Shelley Lubben got such a polite ‘Well, at least she’s getting people out that shouldn’t be in porn,’ back in 2009. I don’t get the benefit of a phone call or an email asking me what I think?

That’s just grand! Predators appear to get incredible endorsements on www.MikeSouth.com. Derrick Burts, a guy who refused to take a free lie detector test over how he might have caught HIV because he was throwing the entire industry under the bus, gets a glowing post simply because he writes a congratulatory email about “honesty”, and Weinstein gets an interview? I wrote for South for a year and a half. What do I get? Apparently I’m scum and much too low for a personable letter or phone call. Maybe my intentions just don’t fit the Mike South agenda? My silence speaks volumes? Are you kidding me??

What official statement is it that I’m supposed to be making, Mike? How far should I bend over for you and Nick and whoever else it is at your wonderful and oh-so-honest blog that they can’t reveal their identity? That’s so incredibly honest, after all. Unlike some people, I try to get all the facts before I comment at everything that moves.

I ignore an avalanche of idiocy, hysteria and childishness on a regular basis over people who offer next to nothing by way of their contributions because it’s all about ad space and getting readers to show up and drool over bukkake images and hate speech. APC4C is a condom-specific endeavor, and I was non-stop until two weeks ago because I’m trying to figure out what kind of time I have, if any, to do more with it.

I suppose this kind of betrayal tells me what I should do, right? When someone you wrote a post a week for, for over a year, can’t be bothered to be kind, what kind of faith can a person have in what they’re doing? When someone who claims to care so much can find any reason to verbally abuse you, what inspiration can come of that? This ‘terrible industry’ that’s ‘getting so bad’ is being helped right along by just the kind of nastiness you’re throwing at me! Because I work with people who work in the industry and won’t give you the time of day because you call them names and insult their physical appearance? What are you? An Adonis? I interviewed you about condoms. I gave you space to speak about what you thought. You care so much about performers? To bad for me, I guess, that courtesy doesn’t extend itself my way.

What else did you write about me? Oh yeah. In The Latest Scam In Porn Adult Performers Coalition for Choice, you write “Funny thing though…many of the names on that list were condom users for at least some of their porn career including Julie Meadows and Nina Hartley but the real surprise to me was to see Jessica Drake’s name on the list.

Jessica works for a condom only company, why would she want to take the choice to use condoms away from other performers? She has to use condoms.” Is that funny? It’s funny that an ex-sex worker who worked with and without condoms has anything to say about choice. Even though the ability to speak to both illustrates choice at work? A performer who can see how ridiculous a law is and works only with condoms is still reasonable enough to say, ‘This is a bad idea.’ ‘This is not the way to do this.’ That’s funny to you? I don’t see what’t so funny about it.

I don’t see what’s funny about posting that someone is HIV positive when they’re not. I don’t see what’s funny about calling a sex worker a pig because you don’t like the way she markets herself. Your emphatic claims of caring appear to fall extremely short if a person does not fit a certain criteria for you. What is the criteria, Mike? Worship? Should a person just completely kiss your ass no matter what in order to have your favor and not be called a pig, scam artist, etc?

Should I start a non-profit and claim to worship God and then prey on ex-performers to get your approval? You can’t be bothered to investigate people who actually are preying on performers through scams, stealing, fabricating their stories and pushing legislation that could find them working in dangerous, underground environments, yet somehow I am the bad person? Oh, wait.

But you didn’t write the letter, right? Some “anonymous” person wrote it and you were powerless to not post it, right? You are right about one thing. I’m naive. A causal glance at your site would tell any rational person everything they need to know about you, but I decided to like you and believe the ‘Aw shucks, I care about these girls, baby!’ talk. You couldn’t even be bothered to use my real name in our first phone conversation. And now I’m so utterly un-credible as a voice, even though I am the person who did the work and wears the sex worker stigma, yet you can’t be bothered to call me by the name I prefer to go by.

I have never referred to you as “Dude”, “Guy”, “Fella”, “Pal”, “Buddy” or anything other than your name. At least not in public. And had you had the decency to contact me as a human being, acquaintance and/or once-friend with actual care in mind, I would never write something like this publicly.

I get the message, dude. You either think I’m corrupt or too stupid to not be taken advantage of by people who make a considerable and tangible contribution to people’s lives by actively pursuing what they feel is correct. Are you fighting lawsuits for the industry right now? How’s that 2257 work coming for you? Lobbying? Flying around the globe and making statements and listening more than you spew opinion while you sit in an entirely remote area of the country far away from all the people you criticize? Maybe I have more lessons in store for me where people’s intentions are concerned, but you have quite neatly fallen into a category of people who’ve preyed on my kindness, used me and exploited my naivety. Whatever you think about the Free Speech Coalition, you are much worse. Say hi to your buddy Nick for me.