Porn Valley- Ah the Thanksgiving season. Feel the warmth. Besides in his loins, Skeeter Kerkove’s also feeling it deep in his charbroiled heart on what’s known as Black Friday, the day after Thanksgiving. Today Skeeter and I exchanged holiday stories about porn people who promise money and don’t deliver, with the results of you having to chase them into the fires of hell for it.

I could tell you a few stories [and probably will] but, for his part, Skeeter tells me he’s being screwed by iBill.

“The poor Kerkoves, a good American family,” Skeeter groans. “iBill is still taking our money yet refusing to pay out. They don’t owe us hundreds of dollars. They owe us thousands and thousands of dollars. To this very day iBill is still processing on the Bridgette Kerkove website, www.bkmax.com rebills on Master Card. And every time we talk to them it, yeah, yeah, you’re going to get a check next week. They haven’t paid us out in four months. To this very day they’re still taking our money. I don’t see how that’s legal. It’s awful. We’re hard working Americans. We’re doing the Lord’s work and they’re just ripping us off, taking advantage of us.”

It’s certainly no consolation, but Skeeter tells me that iBill owes him substantially more money than a certain video company owner, former general manager, who borrowed $5,000 from him in 2003 and has been ducking him ever since.

“And now we’re approaching 2005 at full throttle anal speed,” says Skeeter.

“Poor Skeeter a wannabe director at the time loaned the then-general manager some money. I have five children which is a lot more than he has. This has gone on a long time and I want my money. In all sincerity, a hundred dollars is a big deal to me. If I’ve done my job pay me. But, my God, when I give you money that I’ve earned don’t give me attitude because I want it back after a fucking 14 months. It’s my money. I’m not asking for a motherfucking favor. I believe I was the one who did the favor.”

On the other hand, Skeeter says there’s a lot of other people in porn that he’s loaned money to. “And they’ve always paid me back. Even if it took longer than what they said. They even called to say I’m going to be late. And this includes some famous male performers who have a history of substance abuse. But they needed to give me the general respect of just to call me and say, hey, I’m late but I’ll take care of it. They always did. But this is inexcusable.”

Asked what was pissing him off more, iBill or the porn company owner, Skeeter wasn’t sure. “Both are very, very upsetting. But all I have to say is this really sucks.”

Skeeter said he had a great Thanksgiving [as did yours truly thanks to Brian and Cytherea]. “Audrey Hollander and her husband came over and we had a really fun time. The girls were cooking up a storm and we had incredible amounts of food.”

Skeeter also has to give Bridgette credit this week for handling a situation that almost got out of control.

“She was filming her interracial movie If It Ain’t Black Take It Back 3. About 6:30 in the morning she started getting phone calls from agents of girls canceling. It’s an interracial anal feature. With that it’s even harder to find emergency replacement girls. By the time it was already 8 o’clock in the morning she had already lost 4 of the 8 girls who were scheduled to be in the movie. She started making a ton of phone calls. Another girl- and this was really awesome of her- had an infection but came to the set to show it to Bridgette instead of flaking. Which is good because if you burn her she’ll never hire you again. But by seven that evening Bridgette had finished her five scene movie. The fifth scene, the beautiful Olivia O’Lovely is doing her pretty girls. Bridgette just found out she lost her last guy for the scene, and she called up Weed and got him to save the day. A lot of the black performers had just got back in town from working with T.T. Boy. It was really difficult for her but she just kept kicking butt.”

Skeeter has finally got into the MILF groove. “I’m shooting a new line of women 40 and older- all group scenes- d.p. and double anal. D.P., ATM, gaping, double vag, all cum swallowed; it’s pure love. With the popularity of the MILF, last year I wanted to do one but I don’t know why I didn’t.”

Skeeter is telling me about a 49 year-old performer named Selena who looks like Julie Andrews. “She asked me what a D.P. was when she got on the set. But in no time at all not only did she know what a D.P. was, she knew what a double-anal was.” Skeeter doesn’t know what he’s going to call the series as yet but is shooting it for Metro’s Bad Ass Pictures.

Gene sez: You got money collection problems? We’ll settle the beef real quick for you. And we’ll name names.