(CRANBURY, NJ) — If you’re like me and you’re using Microsoft Outlook, the last few days of your life have been filled with deleting hundreds of virus e-mails that continually arrive in your inbox, seemingly from people in your address book. At this point you’ve either fucked up and opened them, hence screwing up your computer, or have just been putting up with the endless tasks of getting rid of them.
I know it’s a hoax because I received an e-mail from [email protected] with the subject line THANK YOU! Adella would never thank me for anything, trust me.
Alexander the Poet would like to share with the Top Pro Talent readers some important viruses that could infect your computer, the public is unaware of. Even if this subject bores you, anyone who uses a computer must read these as to avoid future damage to your PC.
Alexander writes:
LESSER KNOWN INTERNET VIRUSES MAKING THE ROUNDS THIS WEEK
W32.JKP.b
This is a virus that claims to enter your computer on the 20th of the month. But the thing is, it never shows up.
W32.GnRoss.f also known as “The Real Virus”
Watch out for this virus. Anytime you play an audio file on your computer you will see a transcription of it appear on your desktop seconds later.
W32.SlutHntr.c known to arrive in emails with subject “Hi. This is Michele Raven”
What this virus does is, apparently it enters itself in places on your computer that even the people at Norton itself didn’t know existed.
NOTE: This virus may be accompanied by a well endowed black man.
W32.DUC.ab
This virus copies any files you leave open in “My Briefcase” and sends you a message on the 18th of the month that says “You should have known better!”
W32.JCurious.bb
This virus is targeted at stealing any audio files you may have of Cher, Madonna, and George Michael.
W32.DPounder.bat
This virus contains a very deadly attachment. The only thing is, it takes 42 minutes for it to open.
W32.NastyModlng.o
This virus is a bit hard to figure out. It comes from overseas. It tends to infect your computer and supposedly 30 days later ,it must leave to avoid INS detection.
w32.jessicad.dat
What this virus does is automatically sets all your text documents in lower case. At the end of each document it plugs jessicadrake.com .
W32.MxHardcore.z
You must remove this virus once it infects your computer. Otherwise you may find yourself in a lengthy court trial.
W32.RnJeremy.h
This virus must have been around since the 1920s and seems to have quite an ego. It apparently infects all operating systems except Macintoshes, for it feels that not enough people use them. If visiting a e-commerce site, after purchase it keeps trying to put a “tip” in.
W32.QuazGauge.l
This one of all the viruses is the most complicated one of them all. It’s essentially a combination of 2 viruses. Except each virus tends to start arguing exactly where they will infect.