Jay Allen Sanford writes humorous articles for the San Diego Weekly Reader which are a mixture of reminiscences about musicians, celebrities and porn stars. Sullivan includes this anecdote about Traci Lords in his latest piece about interviews that have gone horribly wrong.

www.sandiegoreader.com/weblogs/bands/2008/aug/21/x-jam-cancellation-controversy-plus-how-i-snuck-in/

Worst phone interview: Actress Traci Lords, former underage porn star and B-movie cult icon, was available for an interview, but only during my afternoon shift managing a music shop called Robert’s. I gave her publicist the store number for Lords to call.

“Robert’s, this is Jay, may I help you?”

“Uhhhhh, is Jay there?”

“This is Jay, can I help you?”

“I thought you said this was Robert.”

“This IS Robert’s. I’m Jay. What can I do for you?”

“Who’s Robert?”

“You’ve reached Robert’s. Can I help you?”

“Yes, can I speak to Jay?”

“This IS Jay. Who’s calling?”

“You said you were Robert.”

“No, I said this is Robert’s. I’m Jay.”

“That’s who I’m looking for. Jay.”

“I’m Jay. You’re speaking to Jay.”

“Okay. Then why were you pretending to be Robert? I’m so confused.”

And indeed she was. Shortly after we figured out who each other was, Lords terminated the interview because I hadn’t signed the faxed agreement forbidding me from asking questions about her adult film career. It was fun for a moment anyways, playing Abbott to her Costello (or Cheech to her Chong – “Dave’s not here, man”).