Christian writes on www.christiansingstheblues.com : There hasn’t been a single day that I haven’t looked forward to writing my daily blog entry. Tonight as I sit here alone in my condo, it’s very, very hard to put my thoughts on paper. I had the most depressing day of my year today, and I am still in a sort of shock.

Last week, Bud Lee booked for me for a scene that he is shooting for Playboy and he asked me who I wanted to work with out of a list of 10 names or so. Of course since my porno girlfriend Roxy Deville wasn’t on that list, next up is Penny Flame.

Penny and I have a long history, I met her when she had just started doing boys and I was immediately smitten by her. She has an infectious personality, quick wit, and charming demeanor that shines all around her. Through the next two years or so, we have worked together 8 times by my calculations, and in addition to that, we have become good friends in real life as well. When I have a question about the girls in the business, or I want a different perspective on a subject, many time I will call Penny for advice.

Last night, I even invited her to join us for dinner at Cheesecake, but she declined. If you read my blog religiously, you will see that I took the train down to San Diego on my dime to do a free scene with her at her place for her website. Then I did ANOTHER free scene with her in a bathroom for her site. This is a girl that I go the extra mile for without question.

So you can imagine my complete and utter shock when I received a phone call from Bud telling me that Penny did not want to work with me unless it was a condom scene (which Penny obviously knows isn’t going to happen, no one shoots with condoms except Wicked anymore). Again, this was so out in left field, I couldn’t speak. Penny hadn’t said a word to me about anything.

I sat there for a few minutes and then texted Penny to give me a call when she got a chance. About an hour, I heard back from her. It was a very strange conversation, but the gist of it was that someone showed her some scenes of mine, and so she now thinks that my AIM test isn’t good enough for her. I am now a risky person who could possibly harm her irrevocably and she has to think about her future. We discussed a few things, mainly how everyone’s AIM test is the same, and AIM test is an AIM test is an AIM test. And I asked her if she really believes I am purposefully trying to harm her.

I was not about to argue or yell or attempt to dissuade Penny from her course of action, I was really stunned and saddened that she made this decision without talking to me first, but what’s done is done. She was very upset, and I got the feeling that someone or something was the real culprit, but I couldn’t pull it out of her.

Let me say a few things that I have said a few times on this blog. First of all, no one dictates what I do with my life but myself. I refuse to kowtow to the vocal homophobic minority in this business. Second, there is absolutely no difference between anyone’s good AIM test, they are all the same.

Saying that a TS is more likely to contract or transmit HIV because they are hooking is ridiculous, especially in light of the recent revelations of just how many girls in our business hook themselves. Third, I sleep soundly at night with a clear conscience that I am no more or less risky than any of the other male performers. I even offered to get a 2 day AIM test for Penny, hell I would AIM test every day for a month if she wished. That’s how confident I am.

The side issue surrounding all of this, is the fact that I am booked to be in Penny’s movie she is directing for Vivid in 2 weeks. I am supposed to work with Aiden Starr, but I told Penny that I would be cancelling off of her shoot. How can I in good conscience work for someone who thinks I am a health risk to our business? Does that make any sense to anyone?

In conclusion, today is much different than when a young, ignorant girl like Alyssa Hall or Dakoda Brookes or Nicole Ray listen to morons like Ivan at Anabolic about how they shouldn’t work with me, but this is Penny Flame, an industry veteran, an AVN award winner, a girl that knows me very, very well. I had to take a step back and consider my own role in all of this.