If Jake on the old TV show had a couple of fatmen like Harry Weiss and Porno Steve Seidman as second bananas, he might have lasted a few more seasons.
And speaking of bananas, if you gathered by listening to the show’s hilarious debut on KSEX Thursday night that Seidman and Weiss’ll be going after the Ralph’s and Von’s food concession as show sponsors, you wouldn’t be far off.
The subjects veered from politics and sex to food and more food. Seidman, in a scavenger hunt for some M&M’s that were lost in the studio couch, also brought a sandwich along with him and spent most of the show eating it. In a morning exclusive, Seidman told me it was going to be from Cuizno’s yet you got the impression from listening to Weiss that it was stamped, Subway. Which would figure since the scoop came from Seidman. Nevertheless, Dee thought she saw some ham lurking in the roll. “They say you’re supposed to lose weight eating this crap,” growled Seidman. Weiss reminded him that you have to eat one at a time for it to work. Weiss said he’s seen Seidman standing in front of a microwave urging it to go faster.
You also got the impression that Dee, who’s seriously outweighed, didn’t quite know what to make of certain situations when Seidman resorted to time references. When talking about going to the movies for a nickel, Dee asked him if they had cars then. Even when describing Kristal Summers who was in the chat room, Weiss had to use adjectives pertaining to food, like, delicious. Dee who’s worked with Summers on several occasions remarked favorably about Kristal’s ass. Weiss then likened it to Seidman’s sandwich and Dee’s nipples to Hershey’s chocolate kisses. Summers later called in and plugged her website, www.kristalsummers.com.
Weiss noted that Dee did a scene with Sean Michaels and never saw anyone take that much cock up their ass. “Dee went all the way down to the root,” said Weiss. “She was possessed. The eyes were like little Chinese eye slits and her eyeballs were rolled back. There was like three or four different languages she was talking.”
Seidman was wearing a T-shirt splashed with logos and Weiss said what was so cool about it was the fact that the ads looked to be in 3-D. Seidman broke up. And that’s the kind of night it was. Merciless one-liners generally directed at Seidman who openly solicited take out services to come to the station. Seidman then got on some discussion about fresh-cut potatoes as Dee was responding with some comment in Spanish. Weiss said Dee could read from the El Pollo Loco menu and turn him on.
The topic of the first show was recent elections and recent erections. Weiss had actually called the shot in a prediction this week saying that “Scary Mary Carey” would receive over 10,000 votes. He came within 17 and won $50 in a KSEX pool. Weiss claims he also read an interview with Carey who supposedly voted against the recall and then voted for herself. “Her boss, Mark Kulkis – great promotional idea putting her out there- but the problem is, she’s so dumb, she really thought she had some kind of chance.” Dee said she heard that KTLA was going to give her a shot as a weather girl. Weiss dismissed the idea saying that Carey couldn’t spell KTLA. Seidman said Kulkis is the one who made out by tripling his sales.
Seidman said he couldn’t vote because he was still a Nevada resident. But if he could, he would have gone with Flynt but noted that Flynt didn’t bother showing up for his own political rally if San Francisco.
As for the erection part. Weiss offered a challenge and cash money to any porn girl who comes on the show and gets Seidman hard with a lap dance. “If it moves at all,” said Weiss. “It moves once in awhile,” replied Seidman. Weiss said that’s when he shifts. Weiss said last time Seidman had a manage a trois was half a sandwich here, half a sandwich there and him in the middle.
Seidman also solicited the audience to win a porn package by guessing the total weight of the KSEX threesome for prizes. Weiss advised to add two pounds for the sandwich. One listener guessed 650 pounds and Weiss said that was close enough.
Felecia Fox also called in from New York. Seidman thought she was in Dayton with Weiss commenting that he was still groggy from his first sandwich. Fox thanked Seidman for sending a new girl her way. Seidman identified her as Summer Sweet, with Fox saying she was the first girl to lick Summer’s pussy. Tim Case wanted to know how Dee’s scene with Michaels went. “After she climbed off the mountainous cock of Sean Michaels, her legs were like one of those deer that are born and trying to walk,” Weiss answered. Fox said she wanted to work with Dee.