(30,000 FEET ABOVE USA) — The last time we had this chat, I was bound for Hollywood, Florida, looking forward to seeing friends and associates at the Internext Convention. On this particular flight #1963, destination Ft. Lauderdale, I’m doing one day of business then praying for a weekend of relaxation, which of course includes opening day for my Dolphins this Sunday in Miami.

Of course, those who know me are probably wagering against me having a fully relaxing weekend. After all, I did bring the computer. What kind of person plans on spending time relaxing and brings remote equipment associated with their career? Regardless, it’s nice to get away from L.A. once and a while.

I’m a friendly fucker and have no problem talking to anyone. While interacting in the mainstream side of the world, I usually don’t volunteer details of my occupation since most people tend to act very conservative and at times, offended by it. Today however, a gentlemen named “Todd,” “sitting next to me in seat 30 B and his lady friend “Jeanette,” sitting in 30C, became subjects of my little impromptu in-flight porn quiz. [The two made it very clear that they are only friends]

When you work in the adult industry on a daily basis, you can quickly forget that most people do NOT know that much about porn. A few years back I viewed the adult business much like these folks and I was in for a reminder of sorts. I asked these two separately random questions and instructed them not to help each other out. Todd is an engineer from Long Beach, California and Jeanette is a customer service representative from Brea, both in their mid 30’s.

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WCL: 1 – Name three porn stars, preferably not the same three each.

Todd: [Answered quickly] Jenna Jameson, Ginger Lynn and Traci Lords

Jeanette: [Answered first one somewhat fast] Tera Patrick [long pause], ummmmm, I can’t think of the names [laughs]. I haven’t watched a porn film in years. Ok, who’s that guy….you know, the one who can, you know, take his own part and put it in his mouth?

WCL: Ron Jeremy?

Jeanette: Yes! That’s it. Ron Jeremy. I don’t really know anyone else.

WCL: 2 – Lets say you get drunk, go out to a night club and you meet two hotties. Todd, for you that’s two babes, who both want you. And Jeanette, two dudes for you. You think they’re both very attractive but you can only have one. Todd, one girl is a regular at the club. Chances are she’s done this ‘one night stand thing’ in the past but she wants you bad. The other girl is a porn star. They’re both equally hot, who do you take home?

Todd: The club girl.

WCL: Why?

Todd: The club girl may get around a little but the porn star is having sex like every day. I don’t want to even think about what kind of bugs I can catch from her.

WCL: Ya know the porn community is regulated very well. I mean, many people say since porn stars mostly have sex within their own circles and are regularly tested, they are probably a safer bet to be with.

Todd: [laughs] Not on this night. She was ready to take me home. That tells me she ain’t staying in her own circles.

WCL: [laughs] Fair enough. Jeanette, same question for you. Two studly men, one is a club guy, the other a porn star. Who goes home with you?

Jeanette: The porn star.

WCL: Wow, you answered that fast [everyone laughs]. Why the porn star?

Jeanette: I need a man who knows what he’s doing!

WCL: 3 – Okay, lets say you both went home with a porn star that night and had incredible sex. The adult star was nice, sexy, intelligent and you really liked them very much, so much in fact, you began seeing them on a regular basis. Would you ever take them to mom’s house for dinner?

Jeanette: Of course I would. My mother is very supportive of my decisions. If he takes good care of me, she wouldn’t care what he did for a living. My dad would probably love it too. He’d get free porn [laughs].

Todd: No way. My parents would be silent the whole dinner. I mean, I guess if the porn star would lie about what she does I can do it, but I can’t tell my folks I’m dating a porn star.

WCL: 4 – What does A-T-M stand for?

Todd: Automated Teller Machine [answered confidently]

Jeanette: I’m not sure, what Todd said sounds right.

WCL: In porn, ATM means something different. Any idea?

Todd: No

Jeanette: No

WCL: It means ‘Ass To Mouth’ and refers to the man removing his package from her butt and then immediately placing his thing in her mouth, no cleaning off.

Jeanette: Okay, that’s nasty, and can’t be good for you.

Todd: People pay extra for that kind of video or something?

WCL: Not really, but it’s just one more niche’ in adult that is becoming increasingly popular. 5 – Speaking of fetish stuff, I’m going to mention a few things, you tell me if you’d do it with a partner.

Todd: Alright

WCL: Suck their toes after a long day at work, no shower

Todd: Yes

Jeanette: No

WCL: Anal sex

Todd: Yes

Jeanette: No

WCL: Group sex or threesomes

Todd: Yes

Jeanette: Have before but not sure if I want to play that way anymore.

WCL: Golden Showers, peeing either on your partner or letting them pee on you.

Jeanette: I always wanted to pee on someone, but I don’t have any interest in receiving the pee.

Todd: Hell no. I peed on my dog once though.

WCL: What?

Todd: Well I was really drunk and we were down at the beach. I stood up, took it out and went. Then I saw my dog run away and shake off. He was just laying near me and I didn’t realize it was the same place I chose to relieve myself.

WCL: [laughs] Lovely. How about A-T-M?

Todd: I don’t know, maybe, I think that’s more one of a chick to answer. For a guy it’s actually fine because she’s essentially cleaning the doo doo off your thing.

Jeanette: I won’t do anal, so that probably leaves me out of this question.

WCL: 6 – What do you use porn for? Do you watch it while with a partner? Do you watch it if you need a quick personal stress relief? Do you actually enjoy the plots and watch the whole film?

Jeanette: Like I said, it’s been a long time. I used to like watching a couple of girls go at it on film. I have never been with a girl but get turned on by thinking about being with one. Those movies are good for me. Again though, it’s been a while.

Todd: I own probably about a dozen porn films. I’ve had them for a while, probably should update them soon and get newer girls. I don’t know, I mean, I usually just slap one on the screen until it’s served it’s immediate purpose and then it goes back in the closet.

WCL: 7 – Do you buy the porn because of the stars in it or based on the box cover?

Todd: I don’t really know many stars by name. I kind of got most of mine given to me. But on those few occasions that I purchased one, I think I just looked at the box. If the girls looked hot and the title was funny or something, then I bought it.

Jeanette: Yeah, I’m with him. Been a while, but I wouldn’t know who’s good and who’s not.

WCL: 8 – Do you think the government should regulate porn and put restrictions on the kinds of films people shoot?

Todd: Absolutely not. As long as the activities in the films are legal, the government should stay the hell out of it.

Jeanette: I don’t know, I really don’t want to see those A-T-M movies you described or someone doing an animal or something.

WCL: Bestiality is illegal. You can’t make those films in the US, but in regards to A-T-M, do you really want a gov’t to tell people they can’t do that if they want, when for you it’s just a matter of not buying it, should you not like it?

Jeanette: Sometimes it’s good when the gov’t puts a stop to things that are overboard.

WCL: Overboard for you personally, may not be overboard for others. If the gov’t is allowed to creep in and make restrictions on our free speech, those Girl-Girl scenes you said you liked may go away someday too when they decide that’s not acceptable. Or worse yet, it will pave the way for them to restrict things you enjoy outside of the adult world…

Jeanette: [Interrupts]…are you running for office?

WCL: [laughs] Sorry.

Todd: Oh yeah, isn’t there a porn star running for California Governor?

Jeanette: oooo oooo Mariah Carey

WCL: No, that’s the singer, you’re thinking of Mary

Jeanette: Right, add her to my list, that gives me three, hah!

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The chat went on and on for a couple of hours and it was a very interesting reminder that an outside world still exists away from porn. You may laugh and say something like, “well duh,” but when you spend you days and night working in this business, dating in this business and always associating, on many days, completely within the business, you sometimes forget the simple things. Simplicities like how the outside world views us.

I encourage anyone in the biz to have these chats with new associates. If and when it’s appropriate, ask some questions about some of the most basic things you deal with everyday. I think, like I, you’ll be surprised at how little the average Joe knows about porn.