Porn Valley- Rob Spallone celebrates a birthday Thursday and he’s telling someone how he got this gift- two “dinosaurs”- one black one, one white one and a tank to keep them in. Spallone’s telling this friend you should have seen the size of the black dinosaur. You should see the size of the friend.

“It was bigger than my dog,” relates Spallone, referring to the black dinosaur. And Spallone’s dog, Karma, is pretty big.

“The black one had teeth in its ears- it scared the shit out of me,” Spallone is saying. So Spallone opts to keep the white one which is no slouch in the size department. He keeps it in his office in the tank. A 42-inch HD screen sits on top of it. There’s a story about the screen and four others like it, as you might imagine.

Spallone’s going on a diet and he’s dropping cigarettes. Or at least trying to. The last time, he stopped smoking seven months. He swears he got hypnotized and apparently stayed that way until the time he bummed a cigarette and started all over again.

Spallone hears that Joey Buttafuoco is being kept in “F block” downtown. He’s told that’s where OJ and Robert Blake stayed. Which prompts Spallone into a story that must go on for half an hour. A story about some exclusive wise guy hangout in Harlem; baseball bats, bowling alleys, bags of cash in big denominations, mansions, Guidos, selling water ice at Jones Beach, some guy from the old neighborhood who landed in Forbes and had a movie written about him and some mysterious chick referred to as “Miss” so and so.

All the ends of this very involved story tie together which is pretty amazing.

Spallone remembers another time he told his parents that he wanted a job chauffeuring this colorful character. Spallone is warned that chauffeurs are always the first one to get a bullet. So he didn’t take the job. Now he’s running a porn modeling agency. It’s a very similar occupation.