posted on harpercollins.com: This hot, rollicking tome will bring you behind the closed doors of the adult film industry-;with all the lights, colors, tastes, and smells of actual passionless sex. Porn, which accounts for 25 percent of Internet searches, is our nation’s fastest growing export. Isn’t it time you had an excuse to own some? Call it art, or research, or a joke present from a friend, or confiscated materials that you meant to throw away, or just feign ignorance and pretend like you don’t know how you got it. Easy to use: Just release your frustrations and loneliness into a tissue, then flush it, wait an hour, and do it all over again. Fun. For all ages. Price . . . Cheaper Than a Date.

Warning: May make you awkward around women, create dissatisfaction with real-life sex, reduce nerve sensitivity, destroy social skills, decrease motivation to work, and create desperation, frustration, and feelings of inadequacy that will ultimately drive you to purchase a gun and open fire in a supermarket parking lot for no particular reason before killing yourself-;and all because you couldn’t have those big-breasted, sex-crazed, fluid-guzzling women who you fantasize about every day and who, off camera, are more frigid than your body lying in the morgue after the above sequence of events because they are no longer capable of performing any sexual act that doesn’t have a price tag attached to it-;yet always seem to end up with a guy who uses their money to pay for jet skis, Hummers, and child support, which signifies that there may be some justice in the world after all. ReganComics and its affiliates are not responsible for any damages that may occur as a result of your unfulfilled desires.