Porn Valley- I don’t know if they know one another, but the best thing that could have happened to Brian Surewood this week is Jack Venice.

Venice, who shoots frat party videos, is involved in an actual rape investigation in the state of Washington, and his story’s been all over the Internet. Whereas Surewood’s name was dragged into a local, Porn Valley squabble of contradictions, timeline inconsistencies, outrage and apparent husband appeasement tactics.

Try as I might, I can’t put the mellow herb-embracing Surewood [he admits as much on his MySpace page which lists him as 40 when he is, in fact, 44] in the middle of a quick dick-in-a-hole scenario such as the one described by Madison Scott on KSEX last Friday night. Scott gave the impression that Surewood entered her pussy like a shyster lawyer looking for an ambulance.

Although I reported on the story and quoted Scott, amply, I couldn’t make sense of how a stoner like Surewood all of a sudden becomes Joe Francis.

Venice, on the other hand, [and certainly not one of Hillary Scott’s favorite performers www.adultfyi.com/read.php?ID=12169] has a belt of M-60 ammo tattooed around his right thigh. Which is hardly a relevant observation unless you’re objectifying Venice for the purposes of lurid, scandal sheet prose. But the Washington state papers have already seen to that.

From what I’ve read on Venice’s case so far, he’s retained an attorney and is adopting the I-was-too-drunk-to-remember-defense. Which is pretty persuasive in dorm room activities involving inebriated female college students with second thoughts the day after.

Surewood, for the most part, has kept mum. And maybe he’s better off doing that, because Scott seems to be digging a hole for herself with postscripts, addendums, and by-the-ways on www.xxxporntalk.com which only raise more questions than answer them.

KSEX, meanwhile, has extended an open invitation to the pirate to come on air and give his side of the story – one which I’m dying to hear because Scott’s version of events only gets murkier with additional circumstances of forced video affidavits.

Scott’s claiming she wouldn’t have gotten paid if she didn’t come across as Rebecca of Sunnybrook Farms. Except there’s this one nagging question of her stating on KSEX how she left the shooting house when, in fact, she apparently remained that day to shoot a second scene. And she never reported the matter to the cops. But a smart lawyer or dry cleaner, I’m sure, could smooth out that pesky wrinkle.

With a fractured sense of comparison, Scott’s actions would be akin to Venice ordering a second case of beer and another coed. Except with the shoe on a slightly different tattooed leg.