Porn Valley- I guess the Gong Show got gonged. I half expected to see some guy cavorting like Chuck Barris over at the Str-8 Up Studios today. Instead I got Jamie Brooks. Not that that’s a bad thing. Jamie’s in a giggle puss mood, explaining the fact that she’s got jet lag, just got off the plane, went to AIM, yadda-yadda. Brooks tries on a black bustier and almost loses her eyeballs from sucking in her stomach. She can’t breathe. She changes outfits to a dress that’s slit up her ass and puts on a pair of very high heels. Brooks hates high heels. “I’m the biggest tomboy,” she says.

Brooks is blond. Brooks is very British. And Brooks is the host of a two-day competition hosted by Defiance Films to determine a blowjob queen, the queen to get $1,000 after she’s knocked off her nine competitors. I ask Director Vince Voss whu happened to the Chuck-a-like that was supposed to get this show rolling and provide all sorts of rip-roaring, Gong Show-studded mirth and merriment.

Voss rolls a set of eyes in his skull and is telling me this is all working out for the best because Brooks is a dirty, filthy English broad. And apparently dirty, filthy English broads are a better sell. Besides, says Voss, fans are going to fast-forward through the crap anyway to see a girl throw-up