Porn Valley- You got a pair of saggy old balls and the idea of cramming yourself into a sweaty L.A. niteclub on Sunset Blvd. with a bunch of spry porn stars and civilian women without bras doesn’t have much appeal to you. Much less the thought of someone hanging from hooks like a chicken roast at Bristol Farms.

Or, maybe you figure to yourself, hey, I’ve had a rough day at the keyboard and want to go to a place close- like the Mexican joint down the street where the waiters are surly and very ugly, but the Melon Margaritas are guaranteed to make you giddier than Matt Zone’s epidermal nerve endings. What to do. What to do.

In an informal poll taken this afternoon by adultfyi.com among the geriatric set with tennis elbows, the consensus was to listen and watch all the play-by-play of the Society 1 Suspension Show on KSEX Radio tonight- www.ksexradio.com. Just the thought of hearing more moan & groan stories from Chef Jeff about how his latest girlfriend turned him over on a spit might be reason enough to listen.

But if that’s not enough to entice you, consider that you’re going to get 9 hours of live broadcasting coming from The Key Club beginning at 5 pm and ending at 2 am. However, also consider this. If you choose to sit on your ass, John Finberg is getting laid and you aren’t. The choice is yours.