New York- Howard Stern did something today that he doesn’t do too often. He brought on a guest for an encore. But that’s not because former Playmate of the Year Lillian Muller was that inspiring.
Just the opposite. Muller, 52 who still speaks with a heavy accent, got her gums massaged with a tire iron by Stern & Co. as Muller got the proverbial raspberries and rotten tomatoes thrown at her by listeners who found her general tone boring and uncooperative.
Muller, who’s been on the cover of Playboy on 8 different occasions, came on the show not only to hype her website, but also to lay claim to the fact that, at her age, she’s still good looking enough and in shape to appear in Playboy. Stern wanted her to prove it by showing some skin. Muller wouldn’t budge claiming she gets paid to disrobe. Stern kept needling Muller telling her that looking at her calendar and her in person, the calendar was heavily air brushed to make her look 20. Stern’s advance word on Muller is that her head’s too big for her body and her face wasn’t that great.
When Muller came on, Stern agreed that Muller’s bod looks good particularly her jugs. “You airbrushed your face in that calendar,” Stern told her. “Let’s be honest.” Muller, who was apologetic for lack of sleep, wasn’t inclined to argue about the airbrushing. “All the pictures are airbrushed today- let’s put it that way,” said Muller claiming no pictures these days go untouched. “But you don’t look like this picture,” Stern argued. Stern then suggested that Muller get naked. Muller wouldn’t. Stern said that’s because she was afraid he’d find flaws. Muller insisted that her body is what you see in the calendar. Stern contention was that because Muller’s face in person doesn’t in anyway resemble the calendar, it was false advertising. Stern asked Muller why there wasn’t a calendar without airbrushing. Muller agreed that she didn’t have a 20 year-old’s face.
Stern made a comment about older women not having tight skin. Muller said it all depends on how you live your life. “I just want to be a role model for women who are older and live healthy.” Stern asked if she ate fruit and nuts. “Big deal. I eat that, too, and I look like a train wreck.” Muller claims she doesn’t drink, doesn’t have coffee nor does she smoke cigarettes. Stern suggested that maybe she should because with all the dieting regimen, she still looks 50. “You’re going to get old anyway. Go have a drink.” A caller suggested giving Muller some Metamucil.
Robin Quivers jumped into the conversation and agreed that Muller couldn’t make it into Playboy unless it was a seniors issue. Muller countered by saying she was doing something for the April issue and Quivers asked Muller if she was delivering it. Stern broke up.
The comment obviously went over Muller’s head who started promo’ing some reality show that she did a pilot for, about an older woman who has a great look. Stern said that’s unreality but was willing to concede that Muller looks pretty good when compared to most women her age. “But on the calendar you look 22- there’s someone lying, true or false?” Muller felt that the photographer’s work on the calendar was absolutely phenomenal. “Without the photographer I would never look like that.” Stern said he didn’t trust the pictures and needed to see Muller naked. Muller said she couldn’t take her clothes off. “I don’t take my clothes off without getting paid,” she said flatly. Stern offered her $500.
“In public, no, no, no,” said Muller who claims she gets 5 to 10 grand for such exhibitions. Stern asked Muller who paid her that kind of money within the last year. According to Muller, some Norwegian magazine. “I’m from Norway.” Stern then countered with a bra and panties offer, then a bikini. Muller still refused and Stern insisted that she was hiding something. “Either your stomach’s wrinkled or your ass is wrinkled. I say you got a wrinkled ass.” Stern asked Muller how much she gets for bikini pix. She claims $1500 a day. Callers-in then started ragging on Stern for the worst interview he’s ever done. “Get naked or get out,” another caller advised Muller.
Asked if she ever banged Hef, Muller said she was in love with Hefner. “When you’re in love, you usually do have sex.” Stern was quick to point out that Hef gave Muller the heave-ho. “Because you got too old.” Muller said she left Hefner after a year. “It wasn’t that I wanted to marry him but I did want to have him for myself.” Among celebrities, Muller said she dated Tom Selleck. Stern wanted to know if she ever banged him. “Yeah, I made love to him,” she said. Stern wanted to know if Selleck has a big penis. Muller said it wasn’t her thing to make comments on that, but she was curious about Stern’s infamous small cock and playfully suggested about seeing it.
Stern was willing to give her a look down his pants. “I’m not uptight.” But as the conversation wore on, Stern noted that Muller was basically a non-stop yammering pain in the ass. “I don’t care how good looking you were when you were young, no wonder these guys couldn’t marry you. You talk too much. You might have been hot but you talk and talk and talk.” In her defense, Muller claims she is shy.
When Muller was off-air being interviewed by the E! Channel, another caller mentioned that Muller had been the teacher in the Van Halen Hot For Teacher video. Stern called her back in to ask about it. “I wasn’t respecting her enough,” he said. “I didn’t realize it was her.” Muller said not only was she in that video but also in the Rod Stewart Do Ya Think I’m Sexy video. “I was the one making love with Rod.” And Muller said she was the teacher.
Stern asked her why she hadn’t mentioned that previously. Muller said that’s because he was so obsessed with the air brushing issue. “God damn you were hot in that video,” said Stern. Muller said that was a two-day shoot and also she did the pilot for Magnum P.I. “Tom Selleck and I actually had a hot, romantic affair,” Muller said but noted that neither David Lee Roth nor Rod Stewart came on to her. “I thought they didn’t find me sexually attractive. I’m used to men hitting on me, what can I tell you?” Muller was surprised that Stern seemed to know so much about the Hot For Teacher video. Stern said that’s because it’s legendary.
Muller, who had been on the Stern show 10 years ago, said maybe she’ll be back in another 10. Stern said, no, that this was it. While Muller wouldn’t describe Stern’s crew as a horde of gangsters which were the words she used, she said they were “very tough men.”