Shelley Lubben posts the following on her MySpace page: Mary Carey says in an interview online with Luke Ford, “Why is it hard for me to turn my back on porn?”
Luke:”Because you like the attention.”
Mary:”That’s exactly what it is. I like the attention. I love the spotlight.
Mary sobs. “I don’t know what to do, Luke. I feel like if I stay in porn, I could have a good career. But a career in what?”
Luke:”A career in f—–.”
Mary:”Yeah. I wanted to quit a couple of months ago and go Christian. My lawyer’s like, ‘Don’t quit now. You’re starting to make a name for yourself. You’re looking better than ever. Why not try to capitalize on it?’
“I go, ‘Yeah, you’re right!’ But then, what am I capitalizing on?
“I feel like if I stay in this business, it’s not going to work. If I leave this business,I might miss it.
“What if no one ever loves me again?”
This might strike most readers as a ridiculous notion — that a beautiful girl like Mary would never be loved again. But the porn star has articulated the deepest fear that most women have — that they are not worthy of love.
Luke:”You can have the shallow adoration of thousands or you can have a real relationship with one man.”
Mary sobs: “I know. I don’t know what to do.
“I feel that I am so deep into the porn thing, the feature dancing, it’s going to be hard to quit it all.”
Mary says that both she and Tawny, another porn star, have xanax prescriptions “because we’re both crazy. I can’t sleep unless I take medication.”
Mary also talks about her problem with alcohol.
“When I’m sober, I get more anxious. When you are sober, you are forced to deal with reality. I get anxious about all the things I have to get done. When I was with Tawny [Roberts] all the time and we were drunk every day, I didn’t do much. I’d wake up hung over and get ready to drink more. It’s a great way to escape reality. When I’m drunk, I blow more money. When I’m sober, I don’t want to spend my money.”
“Being sober reminds me of when I was in high school and when I had a big test coming up, I always got nervous. When I’m sober, I have that nervous knot in my stomach all day long because I’m thinking about all the stuff I need to do. I get overwhelmed in my mind. When I’m drunk, I don’t worry about anything.
Becca Brat, who did over 200 movies, says about the porn life style: “I went to work at 8 am, did my scene- hopefully I got paid that day and it wasn’t payroll. If it was, I went to the bank and got money to buy my drugs for the day. Then I went home, got high, called “friends” to come over so I wasn’t getting high alone. They would come over, do drugs, have a swingers party (with unsafe sex) and stay up all night on ecstacy, meth, and heroin… and whatever else we could get our hands on. Sometimes I stayed up for 3 weeks without sleep.”
Porn performer “Reagan Starr,” in an interview with Talk magazine in February 2001, described her experience while filming Rough Sex 2 in horrific terms. She said that, while sex acts were performed on her, she was hit and choked until she couldn’t breathe. Other “actresses,” she said, wept because they were hurting so badly. In the same article, a sex-film star notes how threatening the work is to performers’ health. “Nearly everyone has STDs [sexually transmitted diseases],” said Chloe. “If you’re a porno performer,” she continued, “your latest HIV test is your work permit. … The tests we take test only for AIDS.
We’ve contained AIDS in the industry, but what about all the others? You know we’re now up to hepatitis G?”
“I’m a typical porn star,” Rebecca Bardoux says with a smile, at the June 1997 Erotica LA Convention. “I come from a dysfunctional family. We don’t relate… When I was a little girl, I wanted to be a call girl.”
Crissy Moran writes on her myspace: “I went through more heartbreaks and became suicidal. I was taken to the hospital for panic attacks. I tried to overdose on xanax, strangle myself, and cut my wrists but not nearly deep enough. I was too scared of the pain. I prayed God would just take me away! I felt helpless. I even went to church for a few months but the guilt I felt was overwhelming that I would feel as if I were choking when I was at church. I had to choose and once again I chose to continue sinning. It was easier and I needed the money.”
Alex Devine writes: “Donkey Punch was the most brutal, depressing, scary scene that I have ever done. I have tried to block it out from my memory due to the severe abuse I recieved during the filming. The guy, Steve French has a natural hatred towards women in the sense that he has always been known to be more brutal than EVER needed. I agreed to do the scene thinking it was less beating, except the ‘punch’ in the head. If you noticed, steve had worn his solid gold ring the entire time, and continued to punch me with it. I actually stopped the scene while it was being filmed because I was in too much pain.”
Tianna Lynn admits, “I tried porn a year-and-a-half ago for three weeks. They [my agent DK] booked me for everything I didn’t want to do. I was in the hospital three times. Allergic to lube. Being pounded too hard. My cervix closed up. My a** got torn up.”
Jenna Jameson says porn has more pitfalls “than nearly any other occupation.” Drugs is one. Maintaining a boundary between your job and private life is another. Jenna Jameson writes in her book on page 132:
“Most girls get their first experience in gonzo films — in which they’re taken to a crappy studio apartment in Mission Hills and penetrated in every hole possible by some abusive a**hole who thinks her name is Bit***. And these girls, some of whom have the potential to become major stars in the industry, go home afterward and pledge never to do it again because it was such a terrible experience.”
Kami Andrews says in an interview with Luke Ford, “I love the money, the glamor. I like being recognized. I like the attention. What I don’t like is not being able to s— right. You are constantly doing enemas and you’re fasting and you’re taking all these different pills, ex lax, and it screws up your internal system.”
Kami Andrews speaks out in an interview with Shelley Lubben:
What is the worst part about being a porn actress?
Thinking you are more than you are. Don’t ever believe you are the star, cause you are just a joke.
What is the best part about being a porn actress?
You make more money than you could any other way. You can be dumb as a rock and still shop for food that doesn’t come in the white box.
Is there really 90% drug use like porn actress Jenna Presley and others claim?
I can only speak from my personal experience, I would claim 90% drug use but that is only from what I saw.
How prevalent are STD’s in the porn industry?
Very.
How prevalent are abortions in the porn industry?
I had one
Are most porn stars prostitutes?
I swore I would never escort when I started, in fact it kinda caused me trouble. LA is saturated with porn chicks, it’s not profitable to escort when you’re hot.
Don’t believe the lie anymore.