Mr. Metro One-Liner calls: Hey, did ya hear the one about the Metro employee who gets her kennel fees and dog grooming expenses covered by the company? When another employee complained about it, Rick Jiffy Lube Boy Porras, said Kenny knew all about it, except Kenny don’t know all about, bada-boom.

Hey, did you hear about the 90,000 bucks Gauge got from Metro over a year’s period? She did only one boy-girl sex scene, no anal and three store signings. bada-boom.

Hey did you hear about the 13,000 bucks Metro paid Miss Howard Stern for being at the AEE and got jack-shit promo? Even her, shall we say male escort with the sniffles, was put on the tab. Airfare, hotels, expenses, everything. Bada-boom. I’m killin’ me.

So this one Metro director walks into a bar. The bartender says, hey, I hear you can you get girls to shoot movies for nothin. The Metro director says no problem I’ve been doin it for years. Hah-hah-hah. So the Metro director tries it with Gina Lynn. Except Gina Lynn catches on. There was a settlement and it was kept a secret. Stop me, before I hurt myself. Hey, check out The Best of Gina Lynn, bada-bing.

So the Metro director tries it with another girl, and she went to her lawyer!!! There’s gonna be another settlement. I’m cryin’. I’m cryin’.

So the bartender says to the Metro director, I hear you’ve been sellin’ two to four year-old footage a lot of it without valid model releases. The Metro director says, and the point is?

So this Metro director who’s bangin most of these young, dumb broads, is tellin’ ’em this footage is for the Internet-only. It’s going on your website. I.E., I’m cuttin’ you a break by shootin’ you for nuthin’. Then when they want the content right away, they can’t have it because he leases it out like Matrix does. Wait, I’m not finished. So when the girl forgets about the footage, it gets sold to Metro.

And did you hear the one about the handshake deal over a $6,000 movie that all of a sudden became an $11,000 movie with $5,000 disappearin’ into somebody’s pants pocket? Stop me!