WWW- Last week, before we were drugged up on tryptophan and blessed with creativity, we had the brilliant idea of watching Colin Farrell sex tape co-star Nicole Narain do her best to defend the merits of selling the footage on Rita Cosby’s Life & Direct.

Actually, we had the brilliant idea to force Intern Wendy to watch. Based on her report, we’re quite pleased with our choice to farm out the assignment.

Rita Cosby’s MSNBC show promises “the interviews only Rita can get.” So far, that’s turned out to be a gushfest with Matt Damon (who conveniently was pimping his newest movie), Shar Jackson (who conveniently was pimping her new reality show), and the ladies at the Bunny Ranch (who conveniently were, er, um, pimping). So I wasn’t exactly shocked to hear her latest “get” was Nicole Narain, who’s pimping her breakout role in Colin Farrell’s sex tape.

I was expecting “probing” questions from Rita, and she didn’t disappoint!

Plenty of evidence that Rita is 10 parts tabloid to one part journalist, after the jump.

“Who will come out on top?” Rita ranted without a hint of irony. I was also impressed that Cosby knew the names of all three films where Farrell appeared nekkid. Rita also asked the questions I, as a viewer at home, wanted answered: How much do sex tapes go for these days? (It varies.) How racy is the tape? (“It’s just two people having fun.”)

As for Nicole Narain: She used the word “Control” more than Janet Jackson did in her first album. Her spin? As long as it’s going out, why not make a few bucks off it? And hell, make sure Colin gets his fair share of the profits? What a humanitarian. Nicole claims they aren’t working on this together, but that’s kinda bogus – she didn’t do that tape by herself, ya know.

So how did the damn thing get out in the first place? Nicole speculates that it may have gotten lost when she moved, or somebody grabbed it while she “entertaining guests” at her home. (That is, they were were looking for a copy of Weekend at Bernie’s and found Weekend at Colin’s instead.)

Nicole does have a friend who truly cares: Sal Abbate, the CEO of Internet Commerce Group, helpfully offered stats about how much celebrity sex tapes can make. (Rita also had a handy educational graphic of other celebs whose tapes got out.) He also mentioned his websites, especially hollywoodsextapes.com, where you too can view all these tapes. Get those credit cards ready, folks.

Sure, they talked about constitutional law and even had a legal pundit on to offer Colin’s point of view, but only so Rita’s “serious journalist” credentials wouldn’t get trashed more than they already are. Fortunately, the segment was short, and she got back to what we really care about: sex.

Ya have to give Nicole some credit. When Rita asked the question she really wanted answered – What was Colin like as a boyfriend? – Nicole demurred, saying she wanted to stay on the issue at hand (which was control, since by that point I’d lost track how many times she used the word).

Nicole ended by mentioning how she’s lost modeling work, while Rita showed Nicole’s portfolio, complete with red ribbon to cover the naughty bits. The poor girl just wants to follow her dreams: to go to school and be a working actress. Given her performance on Rita show, my advice is: stay in school.

God bless you, Rita. Instead of paying $3.49 for a copy of the National Enquirer, I got the whole story for free, in 17 short minutes. Seventeen minutes, sadly, that I’ll never get back.