Tujunga- Otto Bauer and Audrey Hollander have destroyed the world, conquered your hearts and in their latest escapade, pretty much taken over the chlorine tablet franchise.
Otto brought his SuperCore crew over to Skeeter Kerkove’s pool and spa store Thursday in Tujunga to shoot the remaining scene for a movie that’s yet to be titled. Ninn Worx is distributing, and Skeeter, who’s committed to memory serial numbers from 40 year-old pool parts, lands a cameo as “a menacing pool store guy.”
It’s damn lucky and coincidental, too, that Skeeter happens to own such an enterprise. Skeeter’s also way more upbeat than the last time I saw him – a weekend when he wasn’t exactly playing hopscotch.
“I was given the idea I had mouth cancer and had maybe a year to live,” he says, solemnly. But the information was way out of whack.
“It was a false alarm,” he says.
Tyla Wynn, possessor of perhaps the most perfect natural tits in porn, is brought in for the scene as well as Spiegler girl newcomer, Madison Young. With nothing on underneath, Tyla’s wearing a vest straight out of Sonny Bono circa, I’ve Got You Babe; and Young’s going to be tied up and fucked in the ass. Otto says what’s so special about Young, an apparent bondage maven, is that she comes with her own ropes.
Wynn is complimented on her breastacalia.
“I get them from my dad,” she laughs.
Skeeter’s place has been around for ages and has the quaint vibe of being the country general store of pool and spa joints. Hell, a man could get comfortable sittin’ around a pool drain and swappin’ yarns with Otis. But, like DVD’s, Skeeter says even this market has become oversaturated.
And being that this is a family business, Skeeter’s got loads of pix on the walls and talks about how he’s descended from a long line of broke Bavarian mountaineers. Of course Skeeter had to go and screw up the blood line by becoming rich. Which he did by investing in real estate. You want to get Skeeter’s eyes dancing? You mention four words: anal sex and commercial property.
Skeeter’s saying he read where Jenna Haze just bought herself a new Mercedes.
“I wish she bought a piece of property instead,” he mutters. I’m also hearing a story that Cindy Crawford got wasted on Otto and Audrey’s set the other day. I assume it was after the Absolut bottle got emptied and Audrey’s laughing about how she had to clean the barf off Cindy and give her a shower.
Skeeter’s on the phone with someone and replaying in his mind a phone conversation he might have had with them the night before. Skeeter’s not so sure what he said under the influence, but today he’s talking pretty lucidly about some editor who’s a scam artist and a liar.
The back of Skeeter’s store is a warehouse that’s been converted into a studio. Even with a sign in the window, a friend from way back walks in, and Skeeter’s explaining that the store’s closed today, that he’s got a couple of women in the back taking it deep in the ass.
Otto’s a little shocked that Skeeter would be that candid with a customer. Then, again, Otto concedes that some people are in desperate need of diatomaceous earth and may need it at all hours of the day. You would think so because the parade of characters walking in and out of the store reminds you of a William Saroyan play.
Setting some higher sights, Otto suspects that his next project will probably be titled “Big Tit Mamacitas,” an ode to empowered, big boned ethnic women and decides that Rob Spallone’s perfect to provide these models.
“I’ve channeled into the Spallonian genius,” says Otto. “I want in.”
Wynn’s doing some sexy nude posing on an Alaskan white timber wolf rug.
Skeeter explains that the animal was murdered in the Fifties and that it was given to him as a gift. Skeeter’s also telling a story about some woman who once subleased the warehouse to run a business out of, only to develop a maddening crush on him. She was 62 years old. And when it became apparent that Skeeter wasn’t going to succumb to her obvious advances, she hired a druggie and paid him 10 grand to take Skeeter out. And not on a date. The fact that Skeeter’s still around meant she wasted her money. Skeeter says the LAPD had to be called in on that one, too.
Playing the innocent, Wynn walks in off the street and tells Skeeter she needs some pipe. And after bullshitting her with years of swimming pool lore, Skeeter ushers her into the backroom. And then it’s basically ball gags, asses and Pulp Fiction time.
“We have something VERY special back there which you’ll be extremely excited about,” Skeeter tells Wynn.