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This is a story that begins on the veranda of the plantation guest house that Rob Black has been renting out from two guys named Saul and Morty.

As he was medicating and reading the sports section of the LA Times this morning, Black was approached by Saul and Morty’s Mexican maid Dalmy Rivera. Black describes her as having a Lupe Fuentes face sitting on top of a body built like a tank with watermelon breasts.

Apparently Dalmy came across the article I had written about porn industry green cards www.adultfyi.com/read.php?ID=58943

Black knew what was coming. That’s because he had called me earlier and said some of our conversation from the night before had been off the record.

“What do you mean?” I kept asking Black because this is a trick I learned from a lawyer in the porn business, that, whenever you want to disarm someone in debate you keep asking them, “What do you mean?”

“It’s crappy weather.”

“What do you mean?”

I know it wasn’t the explanation that Black wanted to give Dalmy. She persisted in asking him how porn performers can get away with INA monkey business when she has a family in Juarez who keeps dodging machine gun bullets every time they think about slipping across the border.

“Dalmy kept asking me how porn people get away ‘wit wat dey do, Poppy, dey gonna deport meee Meeester Rob.’” That’s what she kept telling him.

“Deese is not right, Poppy, you have to do someteeng.”

Besides the fact that he’s compelled to have illicit INA sex with her, Black said he enjoys the fact that Dalmy puts smiley faces on quesadillas.

“That’s what she does. And her breasts and buttocks are so beautiful. When I get done fucking those tits, afterwards, she makes me a cheese burrito.”

“So I’m reading all this stuff that CSI Gene Ross wrote. And Dalmy made me promise: ‘You have to make pledge, poppy, you must make it where I get my green card; you must rid the business of foreign terrorist talent doing fraudulent marriages while I, Dalmy Rivera, is dodging the authorities and trying to send money home to my family.’

“Dalmy was crying tears of deep fryer oil,” Black described.

“I put my hand on her boobs, and said, ‘I feel your pain- when I walk out of the house this day, I will fight every day to rid our business of foreign terrorists disguised as performers marrying young actresses for their green cards.

“Now real tears are forming in her eyes, and she’s crying. I told her how I’m going to trade these actors out and have them deported in exchange for her family members. I’m going to trade out these guys with the Justice Dept and trade up.

“I took my hand off her tit and walked out the door. ‘Poppy, when you come back I blow you!!’”

“Foreign terrorist talent, we’re coming for you in the name of Dalmy,” declared Black.

“She wants her green card just like you all got your green cards. Here’s the thing I don’t get – when Dalmy wants to come into America, it’s like Osama Bin Laden trying to enter. It’s like that for any Latin American with family members. There’s no citizenship for people mowing our lawns and waiting on our tables.

“If I go marry Dalmy and go through that process, I will be investigated, and she’ll be investigated,” Black continued.

“They will say why are you guys getting married? What’s the gimmick? My maid can’t do shit or get away with nothing, but in our business every day a foreign porn performer is marrying some Spiegler girl, and that’s that.

“Nobody says nothing, but my maid has to worry about getting deported every day. Her little brother is caught, he’s gone. But Ramone Nomar, he’s cool. Keni Styles is cool. Marco Banderas – I didn’t know he and Emy Reyes lived together- they’re married. If any of this stuff happens with my maid there is a world of shit; but in our business you can come up with mass schemes, and everybody makes money but my maid is fucked.

“Tony Ribas and Asa Akira are married, and they’re both directing for Elegant Angel. So Graham Travis came to America and married Mason to get his green card. But nobody knew about it. Is that how Graham Travis kept his job? Is that the gimmick? You come over here and marry off into the Elegant Angel company?

“Graham Travis is from England, and he moved to Los Angeles where he married Mason and got his job at Elegant Angel. You got Asa Akira, a Spiegler girl who has now married Toni Ribas. The Spaniards get paper work, but my friends from Juarez don’t get their paperwork?

“Keni Styles- I never knew he was married. He marries Katie St. Ives. But I love the Marco Banderas guy with the Liberace teeth. He’s with Emy Reyes, really? Okay. Then how does it work that Dana Vespoli, another Spiegler girl married Manuel Ferrara then Kayden steps in? How does that work?

“Danny Mountain, didn’t he beat the shit out of Eva Angelina one night? Tori Lane and Sascha? Can you imagine if any of these applied for citizenship without being in the porn business? I’m lost.”

Black then did a hilarious impersonation of Sascha in his German accent applying for a construction job.

“I’m fucking perplexed,” continued Black.

“When my maid’s crying because she has children that cannot come into America and if they try to marry anybody that shows any improprieties, everyone involved would be arrested. If I helped facilitate the process I’d be in trouble. I don’t get it.

“My maid is so upset when she reads this Gene Ross article.

“Girls, very shortly there’s going to be an attorney that will be one of our sponsors- and an ad will talk about injury on sets and marriage shams, you call the law firm. Ain’t a better lawyer than that where you pay when you win. You will get immunity and they will be prosecuted and a lawsuit will ensue. And, if any of these people are involved, they will be criminally prosecuted.

“This law firm will be there for the people and fighting for the people. When a lawyer calls immigration or the Justice Dept., we’re not talking these ‘mark’ lawyers that started out as fans.

“Gelbard drove the bus for Shane’s World. He drove the Shane’s World bus. We’re not talking about these loser-fanboys that have these great visions of success of being lawyers to the talent and even marrying them. ‘Hmmm. Then our juice will be in, and we’ll be friends of all the talent and the Johnny Cochran of lawyers.’

“How’s that working out for you big successful guys?

“When these class action lawsuit guys start hitting up immigration and why they don’t investigate so and so and we have …when these attorneys are going to file lawsuits, the INS and everybody is going to clean this shit up.

“American porn performers- Mr. Pete, Evan Stone, Alec Knight, how do you three feel that these foreigners are taking your jobs by marrying to get a green card? How does that make you feel that all it takes is to get juiced in and pay the right people then you get to jump ahead in the talent line?

“They’re getting all the work, and you’re just a lonely mope. And you got to call people for work and be paid $400 for a scene while Keiran Lee, the big Manwin guy, Danny Mountain- LA Direct, big action there. How do you American performers feel that you’re shit? The two top dogs at Elegant Angel are Asa Akira and Toni Ribas. I got it.

“I never see Keni Styles with Katie St. Ives. I’m baffled by the flagrancy of this industry which is going to bring it down.

“We advertise as hookers on every social media. What the fuck!! Jeezus Christ. You crazy bastards don’t think this business has changed?

“We need to clean this shit up when every foreign piece of garbage comes over and pays off whoever they pay off and go their merry way. While guys like Mr. Pete and Evan Stone and Alec Knight play by the rules and the system, only to be pushed aside by a bunch of foreigners who come in here. Mr. Pete, Evan Stone and Alec Knight, they work their asses off. Pat Collins, why don’t you give one of those three directing jobs?

“This business is going to change whether you want it to or not,” declared Black.

“I made a pledge to my maid that I was going to clean up this business. It’s coming, you can’t stop it, and it’s coming like a steam roller.”