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from www.screenjunkies.com – I suppose, once upon a time, porn parody movies made sense. I mean, I don’t really know who looks for slapstick and comedy in their porn, but when people were actually buying these movies, I guess it made sense to at attach your adult film to the brand of an established commercial one, even if it was in a pretty dumb fashion.
Well, that synergy will only get you so far. I understand the big parodies like Star Wars, and Indiana Jones, but some porn producers pursued parodies that were just awful and pretty damn unsexy. So we figured we would list a few of these wildly unnecessary parodies.
(I had to watch so much porn for this piece.)
7. Taxi Driver – Taxi Driver
Hmm. Travis Bickle, the protypical anti-hero, goes around banging chicks. Okay. I guess that’s a thing that could be made. Of course, I’m guessing the female lead won’t be Jodie Foster’s character, the 14 year-old whore, but nothing would surprise me any more.
Nope. There’s her character. Right on the cover. Great.
6. The Cosby Show – Not The Cosby Show XXX
First of all – this intro is perhaps the funniest thing I have seen in six months. Please enjoy it. It’s safe for work, provided you don’t work at a Klan headquarters or something.
Beyond that, I have a number of issues with this production. But the only one worth addressing in this space is who wanders around a porn store and says to the clerk, “I love watching people have sex, but I don’t like it when one of them isn’t Bill Cosby”?
Has the well run dry? Couldn’t someone just do another Star Wars porn parody? Must we reach into the annals (hehe) of unsexy sitcoms and have people busting nuts to America’s first family? Is nothing sacred?
5. American Beauty – American Booty
OK. I get that “beauty” sounds like “booty.” But if that’s your only tenuous connection between your film and anything mildly erotic, you might want to change course. The non-porn version was a scathing social commentary on the hollowness of suburban life (which is so cliché that THAT should be parodied) as played out through the lives of a half-dozen miserable people.
You hard yet?
Yeah, me neither.
4. Curb Your Enthusiasm – This Ain’t Curb Your Enthusiasm
Nothing gets my loins a-burnin’ like the though of neurotic, horrible, and not altogether attractive people just banging the hell out of each other. Come to think of it, that’s pretty much reality. Do we really need a porn version of that?
Unrelated note, I watched this and was surprisingly turned on. Now I get a Pavlovian erection every time I hear a tuba.
3. The Silence of the Lambs – Official The Silence of the Lambs Parody
I’m not sure how you make a parody “official,” but kudos to these guys for swinging it. I guess they gave Jonathan Demme an Executive Producer credit or something.
“I ate his liver with some pussy and a nice chianti.”
2. Saving Private Ryan – Shaving Ryan’s Privates
Yeah, taking an intense and violent film about the most bloody war in the history of the world and turning it into a story about a gay platoon that shaves a man is an excellent way to commemorate the sacrifices made by so many.
Oh, I get it! The penis represents humanity and hegemony! The butt plug may or may not be symbolic of the Marshall Plan.
1. The Graduate – The Graduate XXX
Well, this is a horrible misguided concept this was/is.
Rule #1 in porn watching: Don’t remind the viewer of Dustin Hoffman.
Whoops.
While the strategy is a little weak, it delivers in execution. The music is a pretty strong representation of the original stuff, and the costume design is pretty good by crappy porn standards.
On a related note, when adjusted for inflation, the non-porn version of The Graduate is the 19th highest grossing film of all time, so maybe it’s a little more relevant than I give it credit for, but it still conjures up Dustin Hoffman.
I give it my lowest rating: six thumbs in.