The last time any writers used the word “whilst,” were the Victorian poets, but other than that this article is pretty valid.

Porn Valley- Still not convinced that the world is poised on the brink of complete economic annihilation? Well, take a seat… the following news may shock you.

If you’re already sitting, perhaps you should lie down. If you’re already lying down, go take a Xanax or something.

Ok, ready? Here goes…

(sigh)… an alarming number of porn stars are out of work.

That’s right, the ultimate creature of leisure is in danger of extinction. Porn stars were once known (and envied, in some circles) for leading carefree lives of relative sloth, whilst engaging in freaky sexual practises that the rest of us are often obliged to pay for. What’s more, they were actually compensated very, very well for the privilege of having mind-blowing sex on a global stage. Starlets across the Valley enjoyed exotic and decadent lives, flush for cash and worry-free, whilst us regular civilians toiled away in pointless drudgery at fast-food chains and Starbucks outlets.

But now the dismal state of the economy has resulted in porn pay rates dropping dramatically, and with several production companies shutting up shop or limiting their production schedules (juggernauts such as Vivid have no plans to film new content until well into 2010) many performers in the industry are finding themselves marginalized. Whilst this phenomenon is by no means an epidemic-, as I understand it, the porn industry is far from finished- the large majority of established models are beginning to feel the burn. Girls accustomed to clearing a grand in a day are now scrabbling to perform acts of point-of-view perversion for next to nothing- and that’s not enough to cover the rent in a town like Los Angeles.

As a result, a lot of seasoned performers are in desperate search of more profitable avenues of work. But in this fragile economy, strip clubs and bikini bars- the traditional respite for the down-on-her-luck porn starlet- are not able to bridge the gap from scene to scene. There is a profitable alternative, of course- the world’s oldest profession. But whilst it is very true that many adult performers turn tricks on the side (flame away, Porn Valley), it’s also important to note that many consider this an unbreakable taboo. Porn stars are not whores by default.

So with nowhere else to turn, starlets are biting the bullet and heading back into the real world to seek their fortunes- just like the rest of us schmucks.

So next time you see a familiar-looking girl behind the counter at Starbucks, you may think you recognize her from the bus, or maybe from a class you took. Then again, she may just be from the cover of one of those dirty little magazines you keep hidden behind the space heater.