Porn Valley- In what has to be the dumbest stretch of a taxpayer’s dollar, Skeeter Kerkove has been given a solid bill of health from LA County’s public nuisance dept. Unbelievable as that name sounds. Earlier this week Skeeter was visited by a department that governs public nuisances and was given instructions to call regarding a complaint. The complaint said not only was he running a studio, but that he had a live sex show webcam operation going, and had a warehouse in his garage for shipping DVD’s and VHS tapes. Any guesses as to who made these complaints? Yesterday Skeeter had three inspectors over.
“So I’m officially declared no longer a public nuisance,” Skeeter said after the meeting. “We had the full inspection yesterday and they brought the head honcho boss out.”
“It had also been reported that I had a DVD and VHS replication lab on the premises,” Skeeter adds. “I was also supposed to have numerous employees and I was breaking the rule of more than one Fed Ex delivery and one ship-out per day which you’re allowed to do when you’re self-employed in a home.”
I tell Skeeter I’ve never heard of a crazy rule like this. Neither has he, he says.
“But I told them I’ve never shipped one item from this house since I bought it in June of 2003,” he adds. “And they saw that I didn’t have the equipment to do live sex acts in the house over the Internet. They go, there is somebody who doesn’t like you. I said they sure did a lot of studying on information to get you guys out here but I don’t know what they were expecting to find. So they told me I would be allowed to have a DVD replication system in the home as long as it had only one employee.”
“That’s good to know,” I tell him because I have a DVD replication system that I bought on the cheap from Target.
“I told them the only employees I have are at the swimming pool & spa store which is commercial property,” Skeeter continues. “But they were real nice and friendly and said they would write it off to not come out here any more if they receive any more false reports. I told them I own a warehouse less than two miles from my house down the hill. And that’s bought and paid for. The said they were already aware of that. They also told me about stories they read on the Internet about me and Bridgette. And they were right because they said there’s over 2 million references on you guys on Google when you type in the last name. They said after 1- to 15 pages of reading they had enough. They were just looking for incriminating evidence where Bridgette and I had might have discussed running a porn company out of the home. So I’m no longer a public nuisance and could go back to being public enemy number one.”
Particularly amused is his mom and dad who think the whole episode is a riot, Skeeter says. “My dad said he didn’t even know there’s an agency like that which existed.”
According to Skeeter, the investigating unit that came out to see him is based in LA because of all the Asian brothels with tons of walk-in trade.
“They’re called the City-Wide Nuisance Abatement Program,” says Skeeter.
“Isn’t that for cockroaches?” I ask him. “It almost sounds like an exterminator.” With all the past complaints Bridgette Kerkove has made against him, Skeeter says his attorney thinks there must be a massive file on him with the LAPD Foothill Division.
“They’ve been investigating me for three years just based off the phone calls that Bridgette’s mom made,” says Sleeter. “That’s why Vice was investigating me. They said I was running a prostitution ring out of my home. That’s why they had a stakeout with a video camera to get proof of that. Of course they never got proof of that.”
“The good fact is that your name has been cleared once again,” I tell Skeeter. “I’m waiting for the day when there’s a knock on your door and the two cops says not you again.”
“They call me by Skeeter when they come to the door now,” Skeeter tells me.
“They have to be, and one more trip they’ll be calling you Skeetsarino.” Skeeter also mentions that when he pulled up to his house, the inspectors saw his garage door open and that he was able to pull his car in.
“That cleared me on the garage,” he said.
“And that’s a big beef too, that garage violation.”
“My movies show proof of anal and the entry of this showed proof that you can go into the garage,” Skeeter notes. He sees the bizarre humor in all of this. Skeeter also mentions that his live-in girlfriend Sierra Sinn had been scheduled for two anal scenes today.
“The money has been rolling in and she’s been a good girl saving it in the bank,” he states.
“Yesterday when she was on the freeway coming home there was one of these big crazy trucks with the big chrome bumpers that stick out wide- it drifted over close to her and it just took off her driver’s rearview mirror and just kept right on going. She was crying. Now her mirror is hanging down like a limp dick.”
Speaking of which, Skeeter says KY Jelly ruined his sex life the night before.
“There’s no more Eros left which is the ultimate for hardcore driving anal,” he laughs. “I started using KY and it started burning Sierra’s ass to the point where she stopped and cleaned it out with water. I’m not very happy with KY Jelly.” Skeeter mentions that he turned his Mexican movie into Robert Hill Releasing, www.roberthillreleasing.com.
“I’m going to ask you a stupid question – the idea is to show girls cumming out of their ass. Why did you choose something pink [Nestle’s Strawberry shake to be specific] in color? I imagine it was better for the camera.”
“I did it just to be a smart aleck,” Skeeter replies. “If everybody else is going to squirt, then why can’t my girls squirt pink cum? Right? People can argue with me about squirting for real. But they’re not going to argue that the girls on my sets, once they enter the magic sodom kingdom, when they come through the gates of Sodom, that there’s a magical thing that happens. And they become Kerkovized.”
“I felt the same electricity as soon as I go through that gate – my balls come alive,” I inform Skeeter.
“The girls on my sets- when they’re in the mood- can squirt pink cum from their ass,” Skeeter continues. “The next time I’ll try to get some dye and make purple cum come out of their ass.” Skeeter did an experiment during the last scene of his movie where he chilled a Pina Colada mix that doesn’t look white.
“It looks like cum,” he says. “It is the color of cum and I chilled it in the refrigerator and I put it in about five enema bottles and Camille squirted that out. It looked like a 75 man cream pie. It just kept coming and dripping out. It was nasty. It probably went a good three minutes on video.”
“She seemed real quiet.”
“She definitely does not want to do porn,” Skeeter thinks.
“Who is she with?”
“Gold Star,” Skeeter replies. “At least that’s my opinion and I could be very well wrong.”
“I saw how you were trying to loosen her up and apply the ol’ Skeetsarino charm.”
“It took about four hours to get 32 minutes of footage,” Skeeter replies. “She was working with Alec Knight who did an incredible job and I don’t know how he did it. Sometimes she’d stare at the ceiling and twist her hair while taking it in the ass and not make noise.”
“How’d you wind up booking her?”
“What happened was, I had Christine Agava scheduled,” says Skeeter. “I had hired her many times before in 2004. Allegedly her boyfriend- the father of her children- who I guess is now an adult – he was an underaged child and she was an adult- he has gang problems and they’ve threatened to kill him so they’re moving out of state. I interviewed Camille over the phone very carefully about what we are doing and she said that would be fine, that she’s done d.p.s before. But she said this was mostly for the Internet. But I don’t think she wants to be in porn at all. Again, I could be wrong.”