Porn Valley- I got to speak with the gorgeous Trisha Uptown who holds the distinction of being the first “Goo Girl.”

Uptown, who will be signing at the Don Goo Booth at Erotica L.A. this weekend, was having dinner at The Palm last night when I caught up with her. I told Uptown to have a lobster on me and charge it to Don Goo. I then asked her what it was like to be the first Goo Girl and how much practice it took before she could say Don Goo without cracking up.

Which cracked Uptown up. “Not long,” she laughed. “It took me longer to figure out who Don Goo was.”

Being in a public place, and all, I asked Uptown if it was convenient for her at the moment to say words like anal sex, God forbid Uptown gets looked at in horror by 25 very rich people. “We’re down in the bar area- we’re cool,” she says. “I did that though at Four Seasons in New York. You just forget.”

Uptown has been in the business seven years, most of those dancing. “Then I did the whole magazine-Internet thing for awhile,” she explains. “Then I just decided to step into video.” Uptown’s been shooting about six months. Her first time on camera was a solo masturbation scene for Ed Powers.

Uptown, who doesn’t live in L.A., had a game plane to first do Internet video work, solos, then work with toys then do girl-girl. “I made them all hire me five times before giving it all away in one shoot.”

Uptown only does girls which makes her the Goo Girl doing girl-girl. I suggested that being an Uptown Goo Girl, she stands to have Billy Joel writing a song about her. Uptown says someone’s already done that.

“The guy who wrote I Love Rock n’ Roll [recorded by Joan Jett] has written a Trisha Uptown song,” she notes. “His name is Alan Merrill. He’s a member of my website. I can’t wait to hear it.”

Asked how she lathered herself in Don Goo-ness, Uptown said her girlfriend Jennifer [Leigh], a manager of a Hustler store, knew Don Goo. “She’s my manager, now.”

This weekend will not be Uptown’s first Erotica L.A., however. She did a walk-in four years ago. “It was a real small show then. It was interesting. So, technically, this will be my first.”

Upton started dancing when she entered an amateur night contest. “You have to do an amateur night at this particular Deja Vu club,” she notes. “That’s your audition, basically. I went up. I did it and my knees were shaking so bad. It went from there. I met a girl there and she had a photo shoot lined up. I gave her a ride. I asked the photographer if he could do anything with me. I looked so young, he was scared. He I.D.’d me and everything. He was, like, I don’t know. Then he called me back the next day and said what was I thinking? You make the perfect little school girl. I started shooting from there.”

Uptown says she doesn’t want to do just any kind of movies. “I want to do this right,” she says. She’ll fly out to L.A. every two or three months to work her tush off, she says. Uptown tells me that she was a really bad girl growing up.

“Really, really bad,” she emphasizes. “I was a farm girl. I grew up in Kentucky and that’s where I still live. I like it. It’s peaceful there. It’s not the crazy. madhouse like L..A. is.”

Uptown lost her virginity at age 12, to a 17 year-old guy. “He was a boyfriend.” Asked what she was doing with a boyfriend at that age, Uptown said her mother didn’t know but says that her parents weren’t strict. “They’re hippies.”

I suspected that Uptown was one of those girls walking around with straw in her mouth and jeans cut up to her ass with cheek showing. Uptown says that’s not too far from the truth but has never been laid in a haystack. “I have to go back and do that!”

Otherwise, the wildest place she’s ever had sex was her grandmother’s bed. “That would be horrible.” More horrible, I said, if her grandmother was in it at the time. Uptown has a mock spasm. “They ended up coming home and I ran out the back window,” she laughs.

I asked if granny smelled the giveaway aroma of sex.

“That’s funny,” Uptown laughs. “I didn’t get caught.” I wondered what happened to the 17 year-old guy. “He was a 17 year-old guy,” shrugs Uptown as if that’s answer enough. “No, we were only together about six months. After he got what he wanted he was pretty much finished.” Uptown said the first time was pretty good, in fact.

“It wasn’t painful.” I asked what the hell she would know about that at the age of 12. “It was running down my legs,” she replied.

Uptown has also experimented with girls and was doing that before guys. She was nine. “Me and a girlfriend were skinny dipping in a pool.” Uptown, however, didn’t start filling out until she was about 22.

Uptown loves what’s she’s seen of the business so far but doesn’t like the idea of anal. “My theory is I want to keep one hole tight,” she reasons. I didn’t argue with her, noting that having a tight shit hole at the age of 65 isn’t a bad idea.

“I never thought of it that way!” she laughs, though Uptown concedes she’snot big on the idea of doing boys on camera. “I like my chicky-poos.”

Uptown will do girls, exclusively, not because she’s dating someone but because that’s the way she’s always felt. “That’s another thing I want to save for my man whoever he may be one day,” she states.

You can’t blame a woman for saving as many holes as she can.