Porn Valley- Oh, maybe it was seven years ago. I met this hot, leggy blond at the adult industry’s Night of the Stars. And, although I was concerned more about having her thighs spread like rabbit ears for better reception, she was telling me about this Internet radio entity she was involved with. It was called KSEX. She told me she was a deejay and that she worked out of San Diego. But because San Diego sounded like too much of a commute to get lucky, follow-up never materialized. I wonder whatever happened to her. KSEX, on the other hand, I got to know a little bit better.

Search the archives of Adultfyi.com and you’re likely to find, without fear of contradiction, thousands of stories written about KSEX Radio. Or, more accurately, colorful happenings from a KSEX internet radio broadcast presented in digest form.

There’s a reason for this and not because, as some suggest or suspect, that Adultfyi owns stock in KSEX or that KSEX runs Adultfyi. Neither of which is the case although I recall a conversation with one adult video company owner telling me, flat out, that Wankus calls the shots at Adultfyi. No ands, ifs or buts.

Wankus has always been lavish in his courtesy towards Adultfyi as far as name-dropping on the station goes, but there’s a different reason entirely for my nosing up to KSEX. Simply put, night-in, night-out, it’s the source of more news and gossip than all the adult industry websites put together.

From a practical standpoint, if you as porn journalist were to invest yourself, say, in a Jim Powers shoot for eight to ten hours [and it would have to be a Powers shoot] with Ashley Blue on top of her game, and with all the planets in alignment, you might be set for gossip life where web reporting’s concerned.

Such as it is, that’s a lot of time to gamble when you could be plunking your ass down in front of a computer screen with minimal effort and more guarantees.

And fans aren’t even a consideration on a porn shoot. So the fact that KSEX puts the porn faithful right next to the stars they’ll, otherwise, never get a chance to see or hear, is arguable on merit. And sometimes in the very same condition as can be found on a porn shoot- inebriated. It’s happened on KSEX.

Heading up this remarkable enterprise which is run out of a concise studio in Burbank is Wankus, the boss suspected of calling my shots. I don’t know about the alleged San Diego roots in all of this, but until four years ago, I had never met Wankus, aka Wayne Lewis, although I started reviewing his shows a year prior.

That came at a time when my website generossextreme.com was being lit up with a Hatfield & McCoy’s feud propelled by sworn blood oaths and dire accusations passing back and forth between Gauge, Scott and Brandi Lyons. Wankus jumped on the issue and e-mailed me with a heads up that he would have the whole Jerry Springer circus featured on KSEX that night.

As computer illiterate as I tend to be, I got KSEX roaring through my speakers that evening with minimal stress and a couple of pushes of the button. That evening it was a human extravaganza, the likes of which you would never come across on a porn shoot.

And that’s another thing- where KSEX has it all over its internet competition. It’s the user-friendly equivalent of a cheap date and a certain score. Other internet sites require you to download software or pass through some other obstacle course of bullshit to tune into their offerings. Or, if you’re truly unlucky, like Sports Swami fanatics, you’re saddled with attempting to download a show from an archive that doesn’t function most of the time.

So, technically, KSEX works just dandy. It’s the human element that tends to make things iffy and intriguing. Then again in all fairness, try finding someone who can bullshit for an hour or two non-stop in front of a microphone to a cyber audience. So far, KSEX has been fairly lucky in snagging otherwise technically untrained people who manage to do this quite well.

I remember taking college classes in broadcast journalism, and the professor at the time would point to Jean Shepherd as the raconteur of all radio raconteurs. In the Sixties, Shepherd aired nightly from WOR in New York and, without the benefit of a sidekick, weaved mesmerizing stories that held you to your dial. Realizing I could never do what Shepherd did, I opted for another major.

With plans on the horizon, KSEX announced on April 1 that it was under different management and was now flying a banner proclaiming itself the “new KSEX.”

The most obvious change was a shakeup of the daily programming lineup. Taylor Wane, who co-hosted a Monday afternoon show with Dick Nasty called The British Are Cumming, found her responsibilities expanded to two hours. Which basically meant that Wane got twice as much time to insult Nasty on air. Nasty is generally perplexed for any kind of smart ass comeback as it is, so, sometimes Taylor can over snipe Nasty where it’s no longer funny.

But when it comes to interviewing talent- and having come from that place herself- Taylor knows how to ask the questions. ADD moments are frequent and occupational during porn star interviews, so Wane will bring her subject back on track by either scoffing them down or flatly telling them none of what they just said made a lick of sense. One night a porn star tried to bullshit Wane with a story about owning an expensive handbag. One look at the bag, and Wane told her to her face she was full of crap. In recent weeks, Wane struck some real fan forum sparks with comments made about Christian. Not that Wane didn’t volunteer ’em with little prompting.

Later on Monday evenings you’ll find Don Hollywood and Brooke Hunter- the Ward and June Cleaver of KSEX. They’re steadfast, reliable and Don, being a lawyer, is a consummate bullshit artist and a good talker. But Don and Brooke have the unenviable task of competing against scheduling blips like the last quarter of Monday Night football and the TV series 24. That’s almost ten month’s worth of excuses I’d use to take the needle.

In the course of recent events, talent “manager” Harry Weiss had the 5pm slot on Thursdays. First it was with Dee [the porn star] and fellow buffet athlete Steve Seidman, and the crowning moment in that show was the night Bunny Ranch impresario Dennis Hof did a home invasion much like a process server and got in Seidman’s face for some remarks Seidman made.

Weiss later co-hosted a show in the same time period with Cytherea and Plus One before that relationship decomposed practically on KSEX air time, thus offering weekly drama better than any soap opera.

Dee has since gone on to a new show called D& B with her boyfriend, and the most notable instance to come from that pairing was when “B” went on a Jerry Tanner rant on air that earned me nasty e-mails for reporting on it.

With the departure of Cytherea and Brian, and the advent of the new KSEX, Weiss was moved to the 9 o’clock Stephen King hour with Daphne Rosen, thus replacing Kylie Ireland who went to Playboy. Rosen, as well, had a show on Monday nights with Annie Cruz but was eventually paired with Weiss probably more for the spectacle of having “two live” Jews broadcasting a porn show and making attempts at cheapskate humor.

A clever matzoh ball theme song written and sung by Wankus has often been more entertaining than the actual show itself. Weiss, a bit of a male chauvinist whose oink can be heard from Burbank without internet hookup, never achieved the expected sparks with Rosen, an opinionated feminist in her own right. Although Harry has had some sparkling KSEX moments on his own. One-on-one interviews with Jonathan Morgan Randy Spears, and Cassie Courtland were commendable. And Weiss will be remembered for bringing on The Chicken Lady as well as Frankie Lichter, the joke ma-chine. Cytherea never figured out Frankie Lichter as well as most of Weiss’ audience. It was a put-on, and a very funny one if you got the clue.

In the KSEX revamp, Jason Sechrest also got two hours on Friday nights to expand his theme of convincing hetero males that they- deep down inside- aspire to be homos. Which means at least 30 minutes of the new show co-hosted by Sam Phillips are now devoted to personal memoir of Sechrest pulling his dick out of some guy’s ass.

Katie Gold and Flexxx, who had one of those hours for their Distorted Reality Show- an inbred province formerly ruled by Gauge and Quasarman- moved to Tuesday nights at 9pm. During their Friday run, Gold would often times have to be figuratively scraped off the floor and penalized 15 yards for incoherence, with Flexxx having to make sense of it all. Once Katie got hooked up with “Coach Daddy” it was all over for the porn star fucking around and partying fantasy.

In Distorted reality’s previous incarnation, Wankus was blessed with the pairing of Gauge and Quasarman. Gauge’s current mental frame of mind and varying status with her contract company, Metro, was always a crap shoot. But Quasarman managed to catch her best knuckleball with a sense of humor that was Vegas, baby Vegas. Quasarman will also be remembered for debating Ron Spallone and Bill Margold on air- a KSEX moment tantamount to having the Three Stooges without the custard pies.

Other KSEX changes good and maybe not so good were put into effect. Guy Capo chaired one of the smartest KSEX shows alive but had other professional fish to fry and was replaced on Tuesday nights by Steven St. Croix. In the shuffling of on-air assignments, St. Croix got an additional hour to accommodate his acerbic exchanges, first, with Taryn Thomas and in recent weeks Kaylani Lei. Although he was noticeably more accommodating with Lei because they used to date.

Perhaps too quick with the wit, Thomas appeared about ready to murder St. Croix on air. In consequence, she has since left but not necessarily for that reason. Rumors abound that St. Croix, like Ireland, is also headed for Playboy. Which wouldn’t be the first time. Ginger Lynn earned her KSEX stripes, as well, before going over to the big bunny. Except Lynn may never have had the chance had it been for the simple fact that Tracey Adams doesn’t bother to return phone calls. Adams was lined up for a possible KSEX shot, but Lynn stepped into it with a fistful of Ron Jeremy stories that prompted calls with Jeremy dialing me up from urinals. Even Jerry Butler got into the act. The furor subsequently died down along with Lynn’s primary ability to focus. A succession of co-hosts didn’t help, either.

Through it all, Wednesday night’s remain one of the more entertaining spots on the KSEX calendar with a variety of contract superstar programs taking turns in the 6 pm slot. Maria Menendez and Kimberly Kane used to hold down the fort with their Porn Star Honies show devoted to porn reviews. But the daunting aspect of recapping the show was underscored by the fact that Menendez and Kane sounded alike coming out of the speaker. You couldn’t tell who was who.

In her contract superstars show, Stormy Daniels is perfectly suited in the snarling, sarcastic role and Mike Moz is the apt, near-wimpish foil. On other weeks you have Vivid’s Lacie Heart exchanging smiling pleasantries and lesbianism with co-host Ashley Steel. The best moment on that show was when Steel brought up the fact that she had a MySpace stalker and Wankus later in the evening called the guy out on air. Nikki Benz has also had a good run, particularly with her drama involving Teravision. Only it beats common sense why Benz would grant an interview first to a porn site before breaking the story herself on her own KSEX show.

Then, when Tyler Faith came aboard, is when KSEX began to navigate scary, uncharted waters. Few who read this page would remember The Bickersons from old time radio, but once Faith stepped into a hosting spot -with Wankus acting as the sidekick- came a no-holds barred battle of the sexes that was both jaw-dropping to listen to but at the same time, extremely funny. Faith tends to be very unguarded in her comments, and both Cindy Crawford and Kurt Lockwood have often been targets. One of these days Faith will unload, and tell the whole JKP story. You just know it’s going to happen.

There are, obviously, other KSEX shows and all will be explored in more personal detail, but the anchors of the station remain Lorrainiac and Wankus. Lorrainiac’s show, which airs nightly at 10 pm, is an AA meeting except with the bottles and the drunks. Her drama and story well runs very deep, all of which questions how boring the rest of our lives truly are. And Lorrainiac and co-host Cuz Fucker’s recap of a vacation in Tennessee which involved a cheap motel, drugs and cops is stuff you never hear in real life. Unless you happen to be Hunter S. Thompson.

Then on Monday, Wednesday and Friday comes the express train known as Wankus. Some nights his patter is a blur of words in an attempt to condense a four hour show to two. Other nights he’s a mere mortal but certainly one of the most talented men in this industry from composing music and doing Gretchen Massey impersonations to, now, directing adult movies.