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Besides a gorilla, what weighs 450 pounds and would lose in a foot race with a tree?

AdultFYI’s former webmaster.

I could sit here all day and crack jokes about the inestimable girth of Bill Fox a webmaster who must have eaten everything Paula Deen ever cooked.

Maybe now that Deen has been offered six figures to do MILF porn, Fox will run one of her sites as well. He runs so many of them, it’s hard to keep score. Webcamming too. I believe the cops visited him awhile ago in that respect, and he had to switch locations from Porter Ranch to Chatsworth. At least that was the word on the street.

I first met Fox at KSEX and he was involved in a green card marriage www.adultfyi.com/read.php?ID=5651 to German performer Shayna Knight. I wonder how that’s working out.

The next time we ran into one another was at Jerry’s Deli which has since instituted a menu policy to keep from being wiped out by the Foxes and Ron Jeremys of this world.

Fox was holding court at a table featuring Jack Lawrence, Annie Cruz and a bunch of other people whose names I didn’t get. That’s because my head was up my ass over mucho problems I was having with a surly, unreliable webmaster in Philly. [Handed to me courtesy of Wankus who used to be a partner in AdultFYI, and I could get into a whole other story there.]

Eventually Fox became my webmaster by “ripping” AdultFYI in one of those midnight acquisitions I was getting used to, since I tend to attract webmasters like trailer park women attract drunk husbands.

It took a couple of days to switch servers because, well, without the “codes” you had to grab content story by story. I had about 19,000 files at the time, and if I tried doing that now, it would take nearly a week. Without the codes, that is.

The guy who did most of the handiwork in that caper was named Johnny who may or may not still be married to a performer who went by the name of Violet Blue but had to relinquish that handle because there was another Violet Blue, a blogger, in the business. There was a nasty lawsuit over that, and I believe Johnny and Fox have also since parted company.

Under Fox’s stewardship, the one thing that was pretty obvious about my owning AdultFYI was that I really didn’t own it. Fox, for a better way of putting it, controlled the switching out of banners and was rather guarded about the process.

So trying to sell advertising became, frankly, a real pain in the ass. To switch out a banner takes seconds, but, on one occasion, it took me two weeks- no exaggeration- of emails and phone calls to get a customer’s banner installed.

I’ve been told that webmasters have control issues like that. They want to keep you indebted to them, and since they have a skill and language few of us earthlings possess, well, you do have to pay homage and call them “papa” or “daddy” once in awhile just to keep things in proper perspective.

I must hasten to add that Fox wasn’t nearly as officious as the Philly webmaster, who, on one occasion, insisted that my website wasn’t down [like it was yesterday] that, “just because you don’t see it doesn’t mean it isn’t there.” That was a classic.

My website was down many times during that guy’s tenure because he was also the server who’d blame thunderstorms and train wrecks for power outages that took AdultFYI down like a moose, often times, for hours and hours. That’s when Fox stepped in.

Aside from the fact that it became prohibitive to selling ad space when you have no personal control over your advertisers’ banners, problems were relatively few until mid May when I got served a cyber eviction notice by Fox.

Between the gobbledygook, it was basically saying that AdultFYI was becoming too hot to handle. That’s because Rob Black, www.therobblackshow.com was hot news, and you go where the hot news is, I figure. Apparently some of Fox’s other business associates didn’t share that opinion, and I do have a way of writing headlines.

There’s way more to the story which will unfold as the situation warrants, but when you encountered a server error page Monday, instead of AdultFYI, that was the reason for it.

In the end, I owe a lot of thanks to Tom Byron. Though not on Bill Margold’s porn Mt. Rushmore, Byron facilitated the switch because Fox wasn’t exactly breaking his back with thoughts and ideas on how to accomplish this transition.

Once the switch was made at 8PM last night, it was obvious there was a computer glitch, because the publishing software program kept rejecting photos for whatever reason.

Fox’s answer? “I dunno.” He also reminded Byron this should have been done weeks ago, but “I dunno” would probably have been his answer then, because Fox admitted he didn’t write the “custom” program, that Johnny did, and Fox didn’t know where to get a hold of him.

[I had another webmaster, after assessing AdultFYI, tell me that whoever was selling me on this custom program idea was full of beans. Me? I dunno.]

In any event, three hours and change later, Byron, with the help of the new server guys was able to correct the problem with whatever html booga-booga was involved.

Bill Fox made one mistake in all of this. Even as a webmaster he always underestimated the extent of this site’s readership. And what he did to me and AdultFYI was pretty low, even by webmaster standards.