Porn Valley- From the Gene Files: Repeat after me. Media people with their sense of self-importance are kind, warm-hearted, fully in touch with your needs and operate absolutely, totally, positively on the level.
As I was leaving Extreme Associates’ Van Nuys’ office this afternoon, I caught the Oxygen Channel’s Greta Gaines out in the Extreme parking lot dressing down her cameraman rather sharply- apparently for the angles he was getting, and the way he was capturing her rather intense blond profile.
By the texture of the conversation I gathered a lot more was involved, too. Earlier, the cameraman had philosophically sided with Lizzy Borden- on camera as a matter of fact- in what was an apparent tribunal comprised of small sexual identity crises- Borden being asked skewered questions by Gaines that even the cameraman viewed as “too judgmental.” All the pro family, pro love, anti-porn Oprah pap rearing its ugly head. That would figure. Oprah Winfrey runs the channel which is slanted towards women and, by golly, hearts are going to bleed on it. And Tom Cruise will never be asked a controversial question, either.
I don’t want to come out and say Lizzy was being grilled by lesbians with a capital “L,” but I got the distinct impression a couple of women occupying the Extreme building would have been comfortable with the nickname “Duke.” Be that as it may, Lizzy, who was something these New Yorkers had never seen before, handled the questions deftly. But at one point there was a meltdown.
Everybody in the room knew Gaines was dealing Borden from the bottom of the question deck when she starts playing the child abuse card. Borden’s okay with it, though. PBS’ Frontline did the same thing. Gaines gets a little more frisky looking for buttons to push. Obviously Oprah ain’t selling porn videos through her new book club judging by them. The cameras are shut off. Some woman with thick calves, a sharp face and husky voice telling Borden no, no, no! This ain’t gonna be another hatchet job. This isn’t going to be like Frontline. Lizzy’s quick to point out that PBS’s ratings went through the roof because of her.
“It’s not about slamming!” the woman’s saying to no one in particular. “She [Gaines] admires Lizzy for what she’s doing. She [meaning Borden] will come across cool and strong.” The moon is also made of green cheese and Hitler was totally misunderstood. Gaines chimes in that she understands art. Whatever that means. You could almost hear the words “you people” when she said that. The media’s kind of condescending like that with porn. Even the husky-voiced producer, which I gather that’s what she was, conceded that some questions would have to be asked that Oprah would want asked. Which of course left loads of room open for prosecutorial creativity.
That said, I would love to have seen Oprah’s reaction. Especially when the first thing Lizzy announces to the Oxygen crew when they arrive is that she’s shooting a scene in which “a man’s taking it in the ass so he’ll know what it’s like to be a woman.” Lizzy tells everyone they’re going to be “traumatized,” that she had this interesting scenario worked out. Dick Nasty’s cheating on his wife Veronica Caine, and Caine, dressed like a Ninja dominatrix, discovers Nasty sharing a love nest with a “shit-colored” Latin boy [XPW wrestler Angel].
Barging in on Angel’s striptease, Caine gets her revenge by nailing Nasty with a prostate drill. [You could just picture Oprah trying that one on for size with Steadman tonight.] Nasty makes a wonderful point, however. “Look what they do to men,” he tells Oxygen.
Gaines, another person who uses finger quotes when she talks, now seemed very chummy and focused on Caine. “You have a really nice body!” she comments. Gaines also wanted to know if Veronica had real breasts. “Technically, no,” Lizzy responded, emphasizing as she had done with the PBS crew that she and Caine were fast friends. Gaines kept insisting this wasn’t going to be like Frontline. Swear to God. But you should have seen the look on her face in the parking lot.