Rumor has it that porn journalist and adult industry personality Whally Wharton was going to put in an appearance at Sardo’s porn star karaoke this evening. We caught up with Wharton a couple of weeks ago on the set of Teen Meat 3 where she was playing Christie Lee’s mother. We had the following conversation.

Gene: What have you been up to these days.

WW: Basically some movies. I’m partnered with Jeff Coldwater. We have a regular movie coming out called Reefer Madness 2001.

Gene: Don’t look now, but it’s 2003.

WW: I know, but that’s because everyone’s stoned in it. LOL.

Gene: Or is it because it took a couple of years to get released.

WW: A little of each. We’ve been working on that and a couple of other things including a series called The Negro and Mrs. Jones. I play a biologist and I freeze all the sex action with a pointer. And I say, ‘Freeze, now, look at the huge black cock as it enters the pristine Caucasian vagina.’ Kind of like, in the field, like the crocodile guy on TV: [affecting an Aussie accent] ‘ Be very quiet the snake is ready to strike!’ Like that kind of thing.

Gene: Are you still a practicing journalist?

WW: Well, yeah. I practice. Hopefully I’ve gotten somewhat good at it. But I’ve also been doing a lot of radio work on KFI and KABC. I do political songs and political jokes and stuff like that.

Gene: How did you wind up with that gig?

WW: I just started bugging people at the radio station. They called me at home and said can we call you and get you on the air when we need to liven up the afternoon or the evening, whatever. I said sure. I do that but it doesn’t pay very much. But it’s fun.

Hene: Weren’t you working for Hustler Erotic Video Guide.

WW: Yeah but Mike Albo fell in love with me and had all kinds of abandonment issues.

Gene: Who abandoned who in these abandonment issues.

WW: He was determined then to abandon someone else to perpetuate the dysfunction. When the girl treated him like crap I said you’re worth more than that, Mike. You’re a prince of a fellow. Then he went after me. I said, no, no, no. He said I thought you said I was a prince of a fellow. He felt very betrayed. Then he changed the things I wrote so that I was writing unflattering things. Everyone started to hate me. There was a rumor that was started that I was dead or I was killed.

Gene: I believe I heard that rumor. It was surprising seeing you alive the next time I ran into you.

WW: Exactly. A lot of people turned white. It was kind of weird. But I just kind of got out of that aspect.

Gene: Where did the legend of Wally Wharton begin?

WW: I misspelled cat in first grade. I spelled it pussy instead. But I was in a film with Bill Margold. It was a horror film called Night Angel that had Karen Black in it. And Jeff Coldwater was in there, too. Then Bill started calling me to have small roles in X-rated films as well. Then I wrote an article which I submitted to Scott Mallory. He said how would you like to be our female reviewer. I started doing that and had a column in Chic and Adam; I worked a lot for Swank and did some articles for AVN where I also reviewed a few things and did some on-the-set pieces. I also had three columns a month in European magazines which was really weird because you can use the same material but you can’t use contractions. You have to say can not and do not. And you couldn’t use colloquialisms. I couldn’t use any slang. I actually had to consult Websters in order to talk dirty for the magazine. Then the whole Albo debacle happened and he fired me with this story that I was a drug-crazed she-demon. He was mad at me so he thought he’d fix my little red wagon. Then I got busy with the estates and everything. My parents died, and so my sister and I have had to sell all the houses and liquidate.

Gene: Wally Wharton are you telling me that you were a child of privilege growing up?

WW: Well, noooooo, because, God, they kept a noose on me.

Gene: When I hear the word estates it sets off bells and whistles.

WW: We had to get rid of the big house in Topanga Canyon and the one in Valencia. And we had a bunch of land. I still don’t know what to do with the stocks. I have no idea. I thought the Dow was a Chinese religion and Nasdaq was the guy who bombed the twin towers. But I’m learning with the accountants and the lawyers; ‘where do I sign?’ That’s what I’ve been doing- redoing and buying a new car. I got a new Jaguar and that’s been cool. And I’ve been raising my dogs.

Gene: So you were trying to make the break in the mainstream.

WW: I started out in regular films, in SAG and AFTRA now I’m just sagging after. But I had a TV show where I was on a series for awhile. I did a Cheerleader movie.

Gene: Try me. I’m pretty good at trivia.

WW: It was a variety how that was very short-lived.

Gene: It wasn’t the Gong Show was it?

WW: No, but I did a couple of promo things for Chuck Barris. I did some writing for him. It was a variety show called The Red Foxx Show. It was after Sanford and Son. Red Foxx had this variety show, and I was a regular on that for four or five weeks. Then it got cancelled. I did a few other TV series and stuff way back then. Then, when the jobs were few and far between, I started stripping. I really enjoyed that and it kept me in shape. And it kept my chops up when it comes to….men. I did that on an off for 13 years. I was a strip-o-gram.

Gene: And it all prepared you for the role you’re about to have in Teen Meat 3 in which you’re going to play…

WW: The wife. That’s right.

Gene: Have you been brushing up for this role, getting in character all day?

WW: Are you kidding? I had Post Toasties and Yuban. To be a wife, I yelled at some guy on the street and nagged him to pick up his underwear. Just to get in shape for being a wife and I’ve been a wife four times. I’ve been married and divorced four times.

Gene: I think Ryan Connor has one marriage up on you.

WW: Really?

Gene: But you till can catch up.

WW: That’s okay. No more.

Gene: No mas?

WW: I don’t have the patience for it. I had an engagement that ended in a court battle. I sued him for leaving me at the altar.

Gene: What happened?

WW: I won. That was another source of all my dough.

Gene: Literally left at the altar. Circumstances, details, please.

WW: We were engaged on and off for like 15 years. There were a couple of marriages in between but he didn’t know about THOSE. He made a lot of money and stuff.

Gene: Somebody famous?

WW: God, no. We were going to maintain our own houses because we each had our separate houses. We were going to do it because we spent a lot of time together traveling. I didn’t have sex with him, not since 1988. But nonetheless we were friends. he had never been married. He wanted to get married to me. He asked me. So we prepared it. I’m getting caterers and everything.

Gene: Now did this happen on the day of the wedding?

WW: No, but a few days before. My parents were all upset. And so I had to say, nope, this is not going to happen.

Gene: So with great heartbreak I’m sure you hummed the theme from The Titanic.

WW: I didn’t know where my next tantalite ring from QVC was going to come from. I panicked.