Porn Valley- I got this theory that in order for The Pamela Peaks cooking show to hit it on all cylinders, you’ve got to have the right drink served by the right bartender. Because the bartender with the free hand is to the Peaks’ show what a competent third baseman is to a hot blackjack table in Vegas.

Wednesday night John West, who worked earlier in the day for Cherry Boxx and is a frequent visitor of the show, was back distilling the spirits, along with Aces and tens. And the spirits consisted of some frisky concoction that blended Cointreau, orange flavored vodka, peach schnapps,Spright and orange juice. A drink that will certifiably sneak up on you and fuck you in the ass. The meal was penne with wild mushrooms, fresh basil and tomato sauce, with parmesan, pecorino and romano cheese. In fact, last time he had ‘shrooms at Peaks, West said he was tripping for three weeks. I don’t think he meant the meal.

For myself, it’s been awhile since I’ve attended Peaks show, the last one I had been to featured The Aussie Impaler- Tony Sexton. And I had this nightmare. I dreamt that Sexton, the night after that show woke me out of a sound sleep and began bitching about a photo of him which I had been posting on some stories. It featured the nose The Impaler acquired at PSK months ago in a brouhaha with Plus One, Cytherea’s man; and Sexton, with an or else tone of voice, demanded that the photo be struck from the Adultfyi archives. Actually it wasn’t a dream. And I basically told Sexton to go fuck himself. That wasn’t a dream, either.

Also worthy of a photo, if only to prove a point, was one of Peak’s guests- Kayla Coxx. I’m not entirely sure which chromosome Coxx, who sports blond hair with a blinding sheen, hails from. Simply because she presents enough ambiguity to suggest Kid Vegas on tit hormones [I find she’s advertised as a TS].

Coxx, who evidently hails from Mississippi, says she’s been in the business about two years and also plies the trade. The trade being sex for money. Coxx has been escorting since the age of 15 and claims the best feeling in the world is fucking for dough. Peaks coaxed her to tell a hooker story and the fact that I found it difficult to follow was confirmed by Coxx’s frank admittance that she’s got ADD “like a motherfucker” and is quadra-polar which I assume is two more poles than your basic bipolar situation.

Coxx began talking about some famous personality who lives on PCH and owes her in the neighborhood of $9,000- money he was supposed to wire to her account or something like that. “He can’t get wood for shit,” says Coxx. In the world of sticks and stones, the personality might be having the last laugh, though, because he’s the one who stiffed Coxx for 9G’s and her only recourse is cock attacks. Coxx also tells a story how she was stopped on the way to the show and given a ticket for driving bare footed. I saw the feet. She should have had her license revoked, but I got the impression that some foot stoolie must have called it in when they saw Coxx getting into her vehicle sans shoes.

Another guest, a tiny dark haired woman with huge tits- Cleopatra of The Nile [I’m not making this up] – submits an anecdote about some hooker obtaining celebrity who pays women to shit on his glass coffee table while he assumes the audience position from the other side. I might be wrong, but I believe Howard Stern was trying to pin that story Sylvester Stallone one time. I also believe it’s part of Hollywood hooker folklore.

In other folklore more pertinent to the adult industry, Jack Lawrence showed up at KSEX, www.ksexradio.com one night in a fireman’s uniform and scared the shit out of Jennifer Steele who’s noted for an act that include pyrotechnics. Thinking she had broken the law during the course of a demo and that Lawrence was the real deal, Steele ran out of the KSEX building when Lawrence appeared in the doorway. Lawrence made a similar entrance at Peaks’ show but nobody was running for the hills since the gimmick was more for the benefit of the viewing audience. Besides the presence of fiancee Annie Cruz might have been a giveaway that Jack was somewhere in the building.

Lawrence reported that he and Cruz are going to get married in Vegas during AEE and hoped to have a ceremony at the KSEX booth. [Of course it didn’t take a fire dept. to put out the nuptials of Scott Fayner and Taylor Rain which were conducted in a simlar venue last year.]

West, who had told a story- in graphic depiction- about working with a girl on the rag, hailed Lawrence as stud of the day for having performed in three scenes. Cruz was more inclined to call it 2 1/2, noting that she had tossed Lawrence’s salad in one of the scenes. And Peaks’ home remedy for women attempting to do scenes while on the rag was the deployment of soft foam hair rollers.

Lynn Lemay was also a guest and Lemay was telling me before the show that her daughter, who’s in the Air Force plans to fly out for her Porn Legends Hall of Fame induction during the AEE show, www.xxxdeepthroat.com.

Coxx, who would probably know about such things, then spun another story about the daughter of Peter Sellers having a “pussy rejuvenation” which summoned the topic of women with bush, initiated by another guest, Alyssa West. West, with restrained enthusiasm for the subject one might add, described a scene she was supposed to have had with a hairy girl. Likening it to having Don King in a leg lock but not precisely in those words, West said, luckily, the girl was also on the rag, which voided some of the more obvious sapphic stunts generally seen on video. Someone made a comment about “a bleeding Chia”. [So many appetizing preludes to a late night meal.]

Lemay, however, sticking up for her era in porn, said bushier the better was the watchword of that day. Dick Tracey, apparently with access to John West’s cell phone, called and let it be known that he was jerking off to Lemay at the age of 12. Lemay grimaced stating she had heard similar comments from Steven St. Croix one time.

All tan and teeth, guest Trina Michaels offered generous incentive to the idea of moving further north in California or at least further up her skirt- a glad occurrence that was realized several times for the camera. But in a threeway tit matchup with Peaks and Lemay, Michaels had to take an unapologetic third. Peaks, generally the winner of these casual matchups conceded points to Lemay who mentioned how, when she lived in California, it was on Casaba St.